HOW TO SOLVE THE OIL PROBLEM

Did you know there are little organisms that actually eat oil? They are used to help clean oil spills, etc.

I suspect you don't believe me. Well, why not? That's pretty amazing, kind of like a later StarTrek where they'd have to figure out if these things were alive and then they'd have to be given a wide berth due to the non-interference prime directive thing.



Can you read that? Gee, that's small. Well, that's the internet for you. If you want more on that, CLICK HERE FOR A BRIEF EXPLANATION OF THE INTERNET

Imagine your surprise when you read that! And it's marked by Google so you can tell I didn't make it up.

Senator Bud "Whirly" Bloomquist, R., Nebraska, has introduced a bill to offer American citizenship to these "little fellers," as he calls them. He claims it's simply good energy policy "once we figure out how to milk 'em."

When we lived near Houston there were regular chemical spills and explosions in that neighborhood that smelled like mothballs. Once, after an oil spill in Galveston bay, they tried spraying these oil-eating microbes out of a rowboat. (It looked like skim milk on TV.) Well, next day, no dead waterfowl, no slick, no nothing. Even the rowboat was nowhere to be found, but that may be another matter. This was more impressive than anything ever sold by Popeil.

Scientists are trying to get the cow genes to splice with the oil-eating genes - then the USA will ship cows to the middle east and cause peace to break out because it's tough to stay mad when there are cows looking at you. Besides, the human compulsion to "Moo" at cows would give away sniper locations so the whole crazy war would grind to a halt. Meanwhile the cows would suck up all the oil they could get their hands on. We then go and buy back the cows!

Well, if you are like me, you wonder how these things have such an appetite? They rip through oil like I rip though a bag of candy circus peanuts. Just can't stop.

Through the 10,000 power electron microscope, here's a picture of the actual molecule:

MUSIC REBORN

Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Olivia Harrison and Yoko Ono were interviewed by Larry King tonight. I couldn't miss it.

Things I learned:

They knew they were that good.

They not only respected Ringo as a great drummer before he joined them, but thought him the core of the band.

Ringo was an only child who felt he had 3 brothers.

Ringo said he plays to the singer.

Ringo can't just go play drums alone. Never could. Needs to play with other musicians.

McCartney's new CD is #3 on the Billboard chart (and is only sold at STARBUCKS!)

They make music they like - if it sells, well, that's nice.

Paul was with George near the end. They sat quietly and held hands. Touching.

All were pretty tolerant of some of Larry's softball questions, but you could tell he was excited himself. The whole deal was to promote the LOVE performance of Cirque De Soleil in Las Vegas, now a year old. LOVE is a remixed version of many Beatles songs - even the "lads" were commenting on how clean the recordings have become. There's a whole lot more obvious detail and it makes their skill stand out in many ways. If you like the Beatles you have got to hear this!

They showed parts of the Cirque... which performs to the soundtrack. It's suppposed to be incredible but honestly I wasn't knocked out by what I saw. Apparently they put in quite the sound system (a surround system) and that's got to blow some minds.

ZIPPIDEE DO DAH

From today's paper, an interesting statistic. The average fast internet connection in the US of A is about 30 times SLOWER than the same in Japan (and at the same cost.)

I've discovered Keith Olbermann... he's good. I am late to the party.

TEXAS AIR CONTROL

HEY DADDIO

See below for what this is all about. There will be more. The hard part is choosing which ones.

TAKING A BREAK

We were about 70 miles from Austin, in a town called Fredericksburg and our visit happened to coincide with an antique car show. As they zoomed down the main drag, I stood in the street and shot away. I must have 30 or 40 of the best. From time to time I will share.

I'll take a few minutes out of making sales calls to voice mail while I wait for callbacks ahahahahahahhhhahahahahaha! (Callbacks are pretty darn rare.)

The weathermen completely blew it again - it has been rainy all day. I told Terri I should get a job as weatherman, watch the others and choose the opposite - I think they MAY be right 50% of the time or less.

They all use this thing called (in various guises) The Predictor which shows "hour by hour" what to expect. I say, hey BOZO, why don't YOU predict it? If you rely so heavily on the machine, why are you there? Oh - to fill 3 minutes.

I've decided to try to place more pictures on the blog as I am becoming more familiar witht he capabilities of my camera and certain software related to enhancements.

Let's see, what shall I choose?



Can you guess what this is? It isn't obvious and isn't the only part. There are your clues. First correct guess wins a dead scorpion.

MASOCHIST BEACH

THE DOCTOR WITH THE BROWN THUMB

Click here

CRAWFORD FLOOD

Crawford, Texas -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal
Library of President George W. Bush.

The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept.

Both books have been lost.

A presidential spokesman said the President was devastated, as he had
almost finished coloring the second one.

The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.

GOD GOES TO JAIL

Paris found God in jail? Who'd have guessed? That's right out of the Absolve Yourself PR 101 Manual.

And her parents are preparing a party upon her release - trying to sell "rights" to Las Vegas clubs, etc. for $50,000, airfare and hotel comps. That's parental support. Clearly they the understand things that are important. See, if they can have the party in the hotel she won't have to drive under the influence anywhere.

Meanwhile OJ Simpson has set aside his search for the real murderer for a moment to comment that there's too much coverage of Paris and not enough of real news. OJ is pretty sure the real murderer doesn't have a great chip shot.

The other day I said this world has gone nuts. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I submit you have all the proof you need.

PARIS

Back in jail. Being fed drugs of the nature of lithium or vallium. Or so we are led to believe.

She "issued a statement" which strikes me as press agent flackage in high gear: remember, she's the "MOM! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!" crybaby.

"I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things like the men and women serving our country in Iraq and other places around the world," she said.

Reuters/Nielsen

So selfless, that girl, who is said to be neither eating nor sleeping. What hardship! I'll bet there's not even a good nail person in that jail!

I wish all the celebrities who are celbrities for no reason would go away. They're media pollution.

PARIS HILTON OUT FROM BEHIND BARS

She had a rash.

So they thought she'd be better at home.

Has everything gone nuts? Did I miss the shift to insanity? I keep hearing about how the US Government has wasted Billions over there or here or funded things that don't work or make no sense if they did. There are so many examples.

Big Pharm (the drug companies) have the FDA so bamboozled I'm surprised those 'administrators' can find their way to work. Just last night - oh, yeah, that Diabetes drug gives you a 43% better chance of a heart attack. It's been out for something like 8 YEARS.

The AWL Bidness, as we say in Austin, is 'forgiven' by the government for record profits while they claim it's this or that which is unavoidably driving prices up.

I could go on and on. What do YOU think? Is the pace of insanity accelerating?

STING

No, not Gordon S.

I have discovered three things unexpectedly just now.

1- My wife Terri has a high tolerance for pain.
2- I have a low tolerance for pain.
3- Scorpions sting quickly and it hurts a lot.

I always knew Terri was a Marine, but now I have a direct comparison for calibration, as she endured several scorpion stings with grace over the 2+ years here in Austin.

This morning, as I headed for the office, I saw Jessie the dog investigating something on the floor. Ah HA! A scorpion. No big deal. I shooed her away and as I already had a tightly wadded kleenex in hand, I attempted to squash the little bugger. Unfortunately, the wad wasn't big enough to get the whole body and the stinger just (and I mean just barely) brushed my finger. At first (5 seconds) I thought maybe it got me. 20 seconds later I was hurting - a lot. That's on a finger. I think I will now wear gloves while weeding (and maybe permanently.) Sure wouldn't want that on a more sensitive part of the body!

More than a bee sting? Oh yeah. For the first 3 minutes it was intense. Now it feels like a bee sting. Terri says it'll last all day. No big deal at this level, but at first it was - uh- impressive and - attention grabbing.

More than a fire ant? Well, in a way. A fire ant bite is more immediately intense and 'narrower' - more localized. But the darn ants themselves are tiny. Like a shrunken atomic bomb is how I'd describe it. Your whole reason for living is to get them off you. But an Office Scorpion is more like getting hit with the nail remover side of a hammer, though it comes on a lot slower than the ant bite. A matter of seconds versus instantaneously. With a fire ant there's no time for doubt. With a scorpion - at least for me - this first time - it took maybe 20 seconds to really do me.

Did I return with a bigger piece of Kleenex-'O-Death? Oh yeah. Am I afraid of them now? No. Respectful.

I can't imagine what a poisonous snake would feel like. I plan to run or fly if I have to.

The exterminator is scheduled for June 12th, as if by co-incidence.

The MOUSEINATOR

I'm at the cautious stage. It seems the computer mouse IS working. No ordinary mouse, though, it has REALMS to explore. I mean yer basic mouse has left and right click, right? Then you move up to the scroll wheel between the left and right clicks. I couldn't live without one. This allows either a zoom or scroll and is compulsory for the compulsive.

But My Mighty Mouse which apparently works by sending signals back and forth into the other dimension where UFOs come from, has A wheel that also toggles left and right and clicks down too. But that's not all! There are two more smaller buttons which I think take me into Tommorrowland and Frontierland, but I'm not sure.

I notice my space bar now moves quite a bit slower... a possible artifact? I will investigate.

If I can just avoid the dreaded frozen mouse syndrome then I will live happily until the next 'upgrade.'

I NEVER LEARN

Only a few posts below I was saying how you should never screw with a working computer. Pain, woe, hopelessness, etc.

So I just bought another peripheral... a 4 port USB thing. That's the technical term.

And... and this could be bad... an optical wireless mouse. My wired mouse keeps freezing... I may be moving too fast for the computer. I get a ding dong regularly and I think that means Avon is calling me back into computer Hell Ring 6 again.

When I get my courage up, I will make the swap and hope like crazy that the darn thing works and that the new drivers don't blow the back door off Windows XPSP2.

I was looking for more cheap memory too...