SUPERBOWL XLIII

I TiVoed the 5 hour pregame. Thank God! I watched the good parts and raced through the rest. I'd give it about 50/50. There were some really good interviews. The 'panel' was good. NBC force fed way too much co-promotion and sponsorship filler. Al Roker was awful. The whole celebrity room whatever was a terrible idea. Maybe it appeals to the lowest low common denominator, but it sucked for me. Bad idea, bad staging, bad host.

Faith Hill is amazingly beautiful. When I met her before her career blossomed, you wouldn't have said anything but nice. Now, it's WOW. She sang as beautifully as she looks.

Jennifer Hudson did what may be the best (other than Ray Charles) Star Spangled banner I've ever heard. And she looked nervous, which endeared her to me even further. Especially after her recent losses, it had to be an emotional whirlwind. She SOARED. THIS WAS A MOMENT OF ABSOLUTE GREATNESS!

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN - blew the house apart. I wouldn't have thought it could happen. The best half-time ever? It gets my vote. (And I own not one Springsteen CD, though that could change asap!)

The game was just a bit of a letdown until the end. I rooted for Kurt Warner because of his unlikely story. The Cards killed themselves with penalties. Larry Fitzgerald can FLY! Amazing! I wish he would have had another half dozen passes to him.

Maybe it's me - I felt the whole spectacle other than the halftime show seemed smaller, even on our 60 inch screen in HD. Or maybe the reality of HD makes it all a little too real.

As for the commercials: Godaddy.com obviously moved some males to their site but it was sleazy, I thought. Liked: Hulu with Alec Baldwin. Land Of The Lost. Audi. Careerbuilder.com. Grease Monkeys. Pepsuber. Power of the Crunch: Doritos. Yeah there was cute and great production but in the 30 second end little really reached me. Worst: Ed McMahon.

I'll bet a lot of people will disagree with me.

REPORTING MY TRIFECTA

First of all, let me start by saying I survied the Doctor, Dentist and Car Repair shop posted below. I wish I could add cheaply, but that would be untruthful.

Actually, the doctor visit was more nurse, in that she, a Travelling Phlebotomist (help me, oh mighty spell check!) did most of the doing. And no, I couldn't duck the 'bend over,' though I suppose if I did, it would bring about the same result. Now, somewhere in the Halls of Insurance, there is a statistic wizard searching for the not-so-elusive Holy Disqualification.

The car visit was a waste of two hours. The issue is that Terri's car will AIR CONDITION both passenger and driver, but only HEATS the passenger. The diagnosis was a $600 fix. (My fix is... Spring) I'm real suspicious on this one. Some little valve isn't doing its dance. Maybe Terri, on cold days, could drive from the right seat?

The dentist himself is a great guy. The tooth cleaning girl, not. She's new (why can't dentists keep the same oral hygienists?) and seems just out of school, to me.
She wanted to use the ultrasonic blaster which freaks me out, so I insisted she do the cleaning manually, and I now suspect she doesn't do this often, due to the pain.
The last girl did it with gentle care. This one, as if I were an enemy combatant.
And of course, as fate will allow, I must return in six weeks for another round.
Note that now the Xrays are hi-techified onto a wide screen tv.

THE TRIFECTA

In a little less than an hour I will drive to the medical testing lab for what I assume will be a battery of tests mandated by an insurance company, as we are attempting to switch coverage (prompted by our financial advisor.) I am unaware of anything wrong with me but don't want to subject myself. Needles, eeeuuwww! God knows what else they'll do. Please, don't say the words, "bend over."

Then I take Terri's car into service for a diagnostic. It's an odd problem she has had with the heating/air conditioning and I just don't trust these guys. In fact, it's our 'second opinion' - and this service manager has a BAD bedside manner. As he told me, "we are not a doctor's office" so, in other words, prepare to wait and wait and wait. I will, for up to several hours, then I have to complete the trifecta by wheeling myself to the dentist. At least there I can get gassed while they work. By the way, adding to Terri's report of unease with the car service guy, I, too, felt that way, and subsequently called his GM to tell him so. In today's world of downsizing and cutbacks, there's little room for rude.

If I have time I will head up to the giant box electronics store and roam the aisles full of stuff I never heard of, don't want, but find cool. Geeky, but interesting. The store is so large it has a restaurant in it. They sell everything from refrigerators to alligator clips.

Come to think of it, I could use some rechargeable batteries, and CD cases...

The woe is that I don't like or trust the three processes I will experience today.

Parenthetically, I might mention that we've had several doctors in the 4 years and a week we've been in Austin.

The first one didn't like people (true) and apparently had a substance abuse problem. He closed his office.

The second one moved away.

The third one (really, really good) closed his office.

The fourth one is our current guy. He's okay, but nothing like number 3.

VIRUSES

I always thought it'd be a great place for a computer virus: in what looks like an anti-virus program. Well, today it seemed like one of my two anti-virus programs had trapped one. But when I clicked on the button which I thought was a removal command, it began loading a program as if DE-infecting or inoculating my computer. I did manage to stop that and did an immediate full scan, which took almost an hour. Right away, the program (the real one) found 8 issues, 5 of which were viruses or parts of the same virus.

You should know I regularly scan everything - at least weekly, and I have various filters always on.

Impatient Bob began thinking, hey, ok, it found the bad things, I don't need to scan more. I was seriously tempted to hit STOP at about 42 minutes in, as the hard drive hummed continuously, as it did all through the procedure.

But then - that far into the process, it found another labeled "backdoor" something. After the scan was completed, I sent the bad files away.

My main A-V program has well over a million 'signatures' of viruses!

SUCKED IN BY AMERICAN IDOL

Yup. Nothing really interested me last night, and I save the good stuff recorded, or movies, for Terri. So I found myself at the TeeVee alone, surfing. IDOL was the only choice. But I don't want another repeat addiction.

You could edit the show at this stage severely, and not really lose much, unless you want to see bad singers, geeks, crestfallen people.

I am often surprised by the pretty or handsome surrounded by really unattractive family. You never know what the ripples in the gene pool will do, is my takeaway.

I also suspect the show is loaded - that is, if the IDOL people sent cameras to someone's house BEFORE they auditioned, then the likelihood is the person is going to be picked. If they do so AFTER, and present it as before, well, that's sleazy yet effective showbiz, isn't it? Maybe they don't say so, but it is implied by the way (sequence) in which it is presented.

I wonder how many really pretty women/girls try to get on the show to exploit their sizzle. Hey, I don't blame them one bit. There was a beauty from Minneapolis, for example. Man, what a smile.

And apparently I am not the only tone-deaf guy who cannot sing. Do they think they CAN? Some serious delusions are out there. Add in the normal bell curve of IQ and you get some low hanging fruit.

Did you see the previews? There's one shot where they had Paula on top of (yes, you read right) of Cara. Salacious suggestion?

Since I almost brought it up, is Ryan gay, hetero or asexual; or just exceedingly private? Whatever - he seems pretty false to me as he waits outside the room. Bored, even. I think he's a major talent for what he does well; i.e.: the perfect emcee. For empathy, though, no. In a widely criticized move, he gestured the blind guy for a high five... I say that's an easy mistake if you aren't paying attention.

One more thing - last night they had the day play out, then went for a final "UP" but the daylight had returned to the windows. I felt it was presented as the last one... but it clearly wasn't. I'd probably do the same thing, as a good producer, but I'd present it more honestly. Maybe I have to listen more closely to the obfuscation in the script.

TV

For anybody who still READS this blog, allow me to go on for a little bit about the new TV season.

After so much... nothing... it has finally come to the time when we have things to watch.

24
I fear it has jumped the shark. Or I just don't care as much. Or it's not as good in HD. I can't explain my lack of rabid interest. There so much formula in the show. All the training they are given, and agents consistently disobey orders or procedure. HO HUM. And I'm not talking about Jack Bauer.

Terri was repeating his name in that Elmer Fudd voice from an oriental actor from some former season... and darn if I didn't hear it (not her) on a promo running on a station in Toronto I was listening to online.

All is not lost. J (can't spell her name - too lazy to Google) Garafalo is really good in her role. New agent hottie is interesting. Put it that way. Though the camera isn't always friendly to her.

What I used to like so much were the slime on the characters, and so far there isn't enough of that. Intrigue has been attempted. I just haven't found it as magnetic. As for moral dilemmas, well, there were MUCH better written ones years ago, in another show, WISEGUY, mouthed by a character named Vinnie Terranova, in deep undercover.

A couple issues I remember (there were others I forgot already) - A plane is supposed to descend, but the pilot gives it more power. That's wrong. The other 'pilot' - the oriental gent - is apparently alone (or did I miss a scene?) - and I think in the co-pilot seat.

Oh - and they gave a pilot ATC clearance which included, 'then in ten minutes...' which they NEVER do or say.

And the ATC guy later knows Almeda's name. I guess he could have been told while we were away, but unlikely.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
Can't wait. The characters are all so realistic, the scripts so good. It's shot locally, though we've never run into a crew, talent, or a scene. We've recognized some locations, but that's not the draw - it's just flat out a GREAT show.

SHATNER'S RAW NERVE - BIO.HD
The best interviews on TV. Period. Who would have thought? Trust me.

I SURVIVED - again, BIO.HD
The most amazing first-person stories with no hype or reenactment. THIS is compelling TV. Absolutely SPELLBINDING. And in its own way, chock full of hope. If these people can survive their ordeals, quityercomplaining....

AMERICAN IDOL
I don't care yet. New judge is hot. The Fritos of TV.

LEVERAGE
Fail. Poor character development. SLOW. Bad writing too.

Looking forward to:
DAMAGES - these people are SNAKES! Great acting too.
BURN NOTICE - light, fast moving.
LIFE - Can go either way, but so far I'm in.
FRINGE - in a complete turnaround - I've come to like most of it
HOUSE - I may be tiring but will hope they add a dose of non-sameness to the prescription this year
TERMINATOR - I know, I know, it's silly escapism but I've come to like it!
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA - One of the best series on TV.

DTV DEBACLE

The transition to digital television next month has been hailed as the biggest advance in over-the-air TV since the advent of NBC's color Peacock, but it's shaping up as a black eye for the government and risks leaving millions of viewers without a picture.

Congress has been in private talks about adding eyes to accommodate this, since their supply of unblackened eyes has become seriously depleted.

On Thursday, President-elect Barack Obama asked Congress to postpone the federally mandated switch to all-digital broadcast television, called DTV, scheduled to take place Feb. 17.

The unspecified delay would give the government time to fix a consumer-help program that ran out of money this week. But it also would set back the long-promised benefits of digital TV, which offers sharper pictures and more free channels for infomercials while opening valuable airwaves for public safety and wireless Internet access.

The government took in $19.6 billion last year by auctioning existing analog TV airwaves to telecommunications companies for new wireless services, but Congress allocated less than $2 billion to educate consumers about the transition and issue coupons to buy needed converter boxes.

It has been suggested by pundits that this is part of the government's "the less they know, the better" secret program.

Others have suggested remedial mathematics classes for Senate and House members.

Now an estimated 7.7 million households nationwide may find their screens going dark next month. Until now, it took programming geniuses at the networks to make that happen.

Katrina-TV?
Although a delay is far from certain, given potential opposition from broadcasters, public safety agencies and telecom companies eager to start using those new airwaves, there was plenty of frustration Thursday with the way the digital TV transition has been managed.

President Bush has issued a statement from Crawford: "This is another more example of why we must defeat the 'axis of evil' wherever it may be found."

"The list of who's to blame is long," said Joel Kelsey, a long-time critic of the transition as policy analyst with Consumers Union, which also called for a delay this week. "It was a giant miscalculation by our federal government. If those guys ran Mayberry, Barney Fife would have that one bullet, but no gun!"

Some lawmakers resisted that label, saying that, "This is no Hurricane Katrina, or Iraq, or financial collapse, and besides, if you have no money, how can you afford the electricity to watch TV anyway? So actually this will help the economy by putting more money back in consumer pockets to spend on things like food. With less demand for electricity, the nation's clear skies initiative will realize much needed progress." NBC is said to be rushing a "Law and Order Black Screen" spinoff to take advantage of heightened interest.

A spokesman for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) said the relevant committees were working with Obama's transition team to solve the problems. She added a request that reporters should help her find her lost cellphone.

Congress decided in 2005 to require all TV stations to broadcast only in digital to free up airwaves for public safety use in the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks and for auctioning to telecom companies to shrink the federal deficit. "What'd we take in, $17 billion or so? Man, THAT'll shrink the deficit like a jelly donut will shrink Oprah," said a former administration official, who requested anonymity.

Some have suggested that Oprah Winfrey's recent weightgain will use up too many of the digits, and that this will further weaken the nation's switch to digital TV.

People with cable, satellite or phone company TV services will continue to receive broadcast stations, even if they don't "get" them. But those who rely on antennas must have either a newer TV with a digital receiver or get a converter box. No-frills versions of those boxes cost $40 to $70. Frilly versions cost up to $15,000, but include a FEMA trailer. To offset the expense, the federal government allocated $1.5 billion to provide households with up to two $40 coupons.

But Monday, the National Telecommunications and Information Administration said the program had used all allocated funds. The agency has about 1.1 million still waiting, which stretches around the block many times.

Still, the nearly 8 million households that rely on antennas and are unprepared for the conversion face the prospect of paying full price for converter boxes during a recession -- or watching their TVs go blank after the switch. About 535,000 of those homes are in the L.A. market, the Nielsen Co. says.

In a letter Thursday to key members of Congress, John Podesta, co-chairman of Obama's presidential transition team, said the Feb. 17 conversion should be delayed, though he did not specify for how long. But with the incoming administration facing economic and foreign policy crises, it does not want to add a major problem with TV viewing in its first weeks in office. "Reruns of Family Ties are still very popular with many of our legislators who embrace family values," he said.

Podesta cited troubles with the converter box coupon program as well as inadequate efforts to educate the public about the switch, and the need to help elderly, poor and rural Americans receive QVC.

"With coupons unavailable, support and education insufficient and the most vulnerable Americans exposed, I urge you to consider a change to the legislatively mandated analog cutoff date," Podesta wrote.

Some Republicans said Obama was needlessly concerned when all Congress needed to do was make small fixes to the program.

"We don't need to bail out the DTV transition program because it isn't failing, and reintroducing uncertainty to the switch will make things worse instead of better," said Rep. Joe L. Barton (R-Texas). "Ditching the deadline and slathering on more millions of taxpayer dollars, however, is just panic. Heck, so some people can't watch us bungle things at the start of a new administration - what's wrong with that? What do the Dems want, anyway, to arm the national guard with screwdrivers and set them loose on Granny's tee-vee?"

The National Telecommunications and Information Administration has requested a temporary allocation of $250 million to resolve the coupon program backlog, said acting Administrator Meredith Atwell Baker. She said the Bush administration opposed a delay.

"Congress established everything about this program. We are just the implementers," Baker said. "Why are people watching those old TVs anyway? Everybody I know has a flatscreen."

The National Assn. of Broadcasters was cautious in its response Thursday, saying it was willing to work with Obama and the Congress "to ensure a successful DTV transition, the way we have with HD radio."

Broadcasters have invested billions of dollars in preparing for the switch and are anxious to turn off their analog signals, which use large amounts of electricity, and annoy many by causing dogs to bark. But stations also do not want to lose viewers because their TVs can't receive the digital signals. "We shoulda left it to Beaver. It all went downhill after that," said JB "Curly" Wincock, a retired engineer at an Emporia, Kansas, local TV station.

THE LESSON OF THE CROW

I was driving around looking for pictures to take. I felt I was missing opportunities, and part of the hobby is seeing things differently. So I took advantage of the 'magic hour' as sunset approached and drove through our development, much of which is yet to be developed.



Looking to get closer to the golf course for a good perspective, at the end of a cul de sac, I found a home under construction. At this stage, they are basically wide open, though this one did have windows and some doors. But the garage was wide open and so I went looking through the house for a back patio which should overlook the course.

I heard noises from within the house and expected I'd find a worker. But no, it was a VERY large crow, which had apparently flown into the garage and then into what will be the great room with kitchen opening into it. The crow would fly hard --directly into a closed window. WHAM! I thought, "broken neck!" but no. The crow would gather itself up and fly in another direction, into another closed window. And somehow lived through it. And again.

I didn't know what to do - was approaching the bird, was actually going to try to pick it up and take it outside, which might not have been good thinking, considering the beak on that thing. I did think to snap a picture, but favored immediate help over photography.

As I approached, it flew back over my head, in the direction from which I had come, and then, free. When I got to the garage it was flying out and up into the sunset, departing with a Bea Arthur deep voiced "Caw."

Today I realize how many times in my life I've been the crow.

BENJAMIN BUTTON

I don't want to go there (somewhere below) but the Time-Warner escalated customer service number I finally extracted from the locals led to a recording. I never got a call back. I don't want to even think about that mess of poor service.

But this post is about a great movie we just saw. This film is just so good, and odd, and at the same time, so touching. I am glad it was dark in the theater because my eyes kept watering (and I'm not even sure why.) F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, starring Brad Pitt.

Special effects age Brad, and maybe even because of that, you can get around his good looks to realize how good - darn good - an actor he is. And then later when you see him as he is in real life, you have to think MAN that guy is good looking.

The film should win an Academy Award for special effects. Brad should win best actor, but maybe won't since the special effects are distracting. We haven't seen DOUBT yet, but expect Phillip Seymour Hoffman to turn in another wowser performance.

Go see Benjamin Button. It's a transcendent movie.

CHEESEY BOWL COVERAGE

The Fritos Bowl was a second rate broadcast in so many ways. The broadcast crew was awful. Sorry guys. Mister PBP had a bad microphone for a long run or I just got used to the rasp. They got so much wrong, too. You can sure appreciate a good crew when you hear a bad one! The Longhorns and Ohio State deserved better!

At least the Longhorns won, and at least there were some good plays, but it wasn't really the clash we expected or hoped for.

It seemed to us that whenever we had the ball, whoever had it was usually surrounded by a whole gaggle of Ohio State guys. However, when Ohio had the ball, our guys were away somewhere, or if there was contact, there'd be one or two missed tackles for every one there was.

Expectations: easy to have, hard to meet. When a team can play as good as Texas can, you expect miracles. It just wasn't their best game.

I did love the hurry up which screwed Ohio State so well.

You cannot take away the record for the season, which speaks volumes for the team, the program, the players.

And, uh, Fritos, that trophy is so GAY. C'mon.

VIDEO EDITING

I have a pro AUDIO editing suite. Photoshop elements and Premiere elements. That's the video editor.

My god it's a pain to hack away on this platform! I want to do frame accurate edits, think I do, but then see a choppy playback - or is that a 'preview?' Then, since the source has been transferred from video tapes when you had to carry a suitcase-sized recorder, I have to bump up brightness and contrast and even color correct. Yes, it can be done, but what a SLOW pain. I'm sure rendering will take an overnight session.

I considered upgrading Premiere but couldn't see any REAL enhancement which appealed to me. I must say, this whole video adventure makes Apple's seemingly more user friendly computers attractive.

Only a ton more edits to go. Yuk.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I remain optimistic that the new year will bring positive change. Call me Pollyanna.

Again this year we will be home as the magic hour approaches, watching scofflaws set off fireworks where they aren't allowed, in mid-exceptional drought with low humidity too. From our deck we can see distant commercial displays almost in a 360 degree pan.

Today there was a fire across the street from our development: see it here - likely a cigarette butt hitting dry DRY weeds... but that's what we have area-wide.

Fireworks are legal in counties abutting Travis county, in which Austin sits. The stores open for ten days or so, twice a year. Hey - as I write this I just heard the first blast - it was pretty darn close, too.

As a preteen and teen I was obsessed with fireworks. Now, for whatever reason I don't know, I haven't even VISITED one of the stands (some are MEGA stores advertising "BUY 1 get 15 FREE!") in our four years here. I think when they stopped selling cherry bombs I lost all interest. But they do sell some big things which must cost a lot becuase they shoot lots of aerial displays: not quite commercial grade, but plenty big.

Happily, we have a metal roof and bottle rockets are banned. But there was another bang... and another.

OUR CHRISTMAS TREE HAD A STROKE

I don't remember what it was in the LOWES lot - Frasier Fir maybe... (speaking of Frasier and by the way - the Kelsey Grammar interview on Shatner's Raw Nerve was amazing.)

We wanted one with nice pine scent. Something more natural than an open bottle of Lysol with an athletic sock wick.

My job was to insure water was in the base, to keep it embalmed. I was diligent.

We noticed that the tree was sagging, yet only on one side. This didn't make sense since it wasn't facing heat, breeze, sun, or anything which might weaken it.

Sag continued. Balls actually began to fall off on their own.

The green color became progressively grey.

So today we took it down - in all my Christmases, this is the earliest I have ever participated in a funeral march for one of our trees.

The forever tree, boxed in our attic, was heard to snicker.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Terri and I stand in front of our tree in our living room.

In radio we are nomads, harvesting the antenna farms of the nation. One of the sad realities is that we make friends under one tower then leave them as we seek another field to plow elsewhere. Looking back at it all, however exciting the 'new start' is, I'm not sure we come to realize the true cost in human terms until we gain the perspective to look back and miss so many.

This year has brought some reconnection through facebook, or some other force, and that's been wonderful.

I know that some addresses are long ago lost as we all have been moving targets for whole careers.

So I offer this - my annual Christmas letter, with apologies to those who didn't get the slightly smeared printed version delivered by an arm of the government, be it American or Canadian.

*******************************************************************************

It’s a TRADITION, this letter of yuletide re-acquaintance and folly. If Burl Ives is still singing A Holly Jolly Christmas, I guess I have to pump out another letter. I almost abandoned it this year in favor of my blog which has many pieces which could, I suppose, add up to a letter, but okay. In a time and place where we await salvation by our new president, we find ourselves at a crossroads, or, lost in Lowes’ Christmas Season World of Tinsel and Glitter, formerly known as Outdoor. Now, perhaps I’ve been tainted by programming years and years of Christmas music on radio stations, but I really want to take my Red Ryder BB gun (did I mention I’m a crack shot?) and go shoot the Inflatable Santa-In-A-Helicopter-with-Rotating-Blades that I expect will erupt out of the sod at a neighbor’s over-the-top House of Hallmark Remarkables. Not that I am a grinch, just a guy with the devil on his shoulder!

It’s been an interesting year. Way beyond the election, though that provided many moments of teeth grinding for all, no matter what side you were on. Having come to the realization that radio has contracted to the point where they have sliced so much muscle and bone along with any imagined fat, it wouldn’t be fun even if I could get my foot into a local stirrup. Even at this late time of the year, the groups are still cutting – no, cleavering, really, so I imagine daily life within the radio stations to be full of paranoia as all try to stretch that protection blanket to cover their collective ass.

We in Austin are in an exceptional drought. Now, when there’s a remote possibility of rain, the local weathermen assume a look of constipatory seriousness and proclaim the percentages. Still, it hasn’t rained much and when it does, it seems to go east of I-35. A good bit of Austin (our good bit) is west of I-35. Yet last year it rained a lot. This has confused the flora and fauna, enhancing a Weed Saaa-lute! to Austin at The Wood’s House where crabgrass just WILL NOT die even after liberal and repeated doses of CrabGrass Stop, Weed B Dead, Pre-Emergent Nuclear Radiating Root granules, and cursing. I am thinking of trying to rip it all out this spring, but fear the reproduction of crab grass to be through root tunnels the size of narcotrafficers’ efforts under the Mexican border - which can’t be stopped. Also, I am certain I can pickaxe into the irrigation line even with my eyes shut. It’s like divining, but with a twist.

The little GOOD grass (inhale, and remember the 70s, Boomers!) – the, um, legal grass that I sodded this past spring near the house has been beset by the claws of aggressive armadilloing. We borrowed an infra-red camera from a neighbor hunter and captured the little bugger, but only digitally. The trap has been a bust. We discovered that if you leave a tin of cat food in the trap over a week, the stink really is something beyond powerful. Plus, the flies can get through the trap, after all. When I threw out the cat food it stank up the garbage can so much I resorted to pouring liquid soap into the can when empty and I swear the soap recoiled in terror – it actually congealed into clumps, unable to deal with the stanky stuff.

The other morning Terri calmly told me that a baby rattlesnake had found home on our deck. I shot out of my chair cursing, as I had thought the 7 foot high pool stone wall would discourage reptiles. But no. Nevertheless, triggered by what I knew to be a life-changing moment, I, armed with only a mere shovel and metal rake, dispatched the snake even though it was clearly mad at me.

So somewhere there’s momma. And there’s some tall grass I must cut. I can imagine this: The mower is set to clear about two and one half inches. Blindly, I roll it over a sleepy rattler which, startled out of rattlesnake dreams, pops its head up just as the blade lops it off... and discharges it out from under the mower and into my leg where, still with a dead yet open mouthed startled look, the fangful of poison sticks into my leg.

An active imagination isn’t always that much fun.

Civilization is creeping toward us. There’s a home being built on the acre and a half behind us – it will be very nice. And another beside us. THAT one is highly suspect. Today they put trim under the gutter which is about 2 feet deep (down from the gutter), and looks like really big white baseboard. We believe the house is a spec, and I believe it’ll be on the market for quite a while. I can only hope the eventual owners have seen HGTV and know that paint can cover up mortal sins. Even though most of the house is angled away from ours, I fret. Heck, our neighbors in Houston had carpet that looked like bunnies had been slaughtered on it... a pink and white mélange, but at least it was hidden from us, inside.

I’ve been concentrating on voicework – had some coaching from two coaches, and bought a new wonderful microphone (that sentence alone puts me into geek-contention, I know, I know.) I am also reviewing some high-end equipment for an online publication. I remain on-the-air as voice of a radio station in Northern California. Terri’s had a great year despite the economy as Austin is relatively prosperous and I believe is the #1 city least affected by the economy. The other day her car stopped going and were forced to have a new transmission shipped in from Jaguar, India, or wherever the new home office and warehouse is. (Yes, Jaguar is now an Indian company. Really.)

Here’s a literary snapshot from our trip this fall – to Yellowstone: We and many others were on the boardwalk they’ve built within the area where geysers and other boiling hot nastiness are just under the surface. A herd of Bison had crossed the boardwalk and was sort of blocking the way. A park ranger came upon us – we asked what we should do. His answer: “Pray!” He then mumbled about the many gorings he’d seen and that we all were way too close to these wild animals who could not be stopped. Terri and I took the long way away from there. Yellowstone held so many scenes of incredible off-the-scale beauty! Later we came upon a lone Bison walking the yellow stripe down the highway, like a DUI test, with lineups of cars in both directions. We saw no bears but did see 5 Moose, including mama and baby (more danger there but we were with a guide who kept us clear.) I find it hard to take a moose seriously (Rocky and Bullwinkle kid-conditioning?) but they are large, fast, and right before you get got you would think, “Hey, this is serious.”

Allow me to tout some urls here... I guess a website is like a radio station broadcasting through a bent coat hanger antenna... not as many people, so I will try to pimp it to the audience. http://www.woodsgoods.blogspot.com is my blog with 700+ posts and still counting. Terri’s website is http://www.Big-Texas-Mortgages.com. I still have http://www.GreatHomeTheater.com which is hard to keep updated due to the avalanche of new gear/technology ALWAYS in the pipeline. Then there’s http://www.BobWoodVoiceovers.com for voicework.

We leave you with continued best wishes for a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Let’s hope this country can head in a new better direction than in the past 8 years, and that the economy heals nicely.



Here's a little tune for you which feels just right.

TIME WARNER SWITCHED DIGITAL

1- TIME WARNER notifies me the switched digital box is available now. This will allow TiVo with twin cable cards to receive channels I've been paying for but would not work with those cablecards (which cable companies hate because they thwart their PPV.) PayPerView IS available through TiVo if attached to broadband, though through other (i.e.: non-cable company) providers, like Amazon or Netflix.

2- I go get the Switched Digital Box, install. Then re-install, because it doesn't seem to be getting many new channels, just 7.

3- I call TW - their rep asks, "Can I put you on hold?" and double checks that I should be receiving the channels their guide SAYS I should, but cannot. It is deemed correct. They'll have to send a tech. The tech was scheduled for today 8-Noon. I wait. He arrives at 1PM.

4- By 2:45 after much futzing, he says I need a new switched digital box. I politely hurry him out the door and drive to the TW shop to get a replacement. 20 miles. Another hour.

5- The guy at the counter says mine was the first return (uh-oh...)

6- I install the new box.

You know what's coming.

It doesn't work any better than the old one.

What a positive experience. They should change their name to TimeWaster-Warner

Friday, late in afternoon - This just in - they called me - in fact it was today's tech on the phone - he wants to send someone who can really help. I said okay: Monday at 9.

7- Sunday - We get an automated call from the TW computer - it says the tech will be here between 8 and Noon Monday.

8- Monday morning I get a live call at about 9:30 - the tech won't be here til after noon. That then changes under questioning, to after 1:30.

THIS supervisor explains that the boxes are new and they still have to work out the bugs. I explain I am not their beta test site and that it would make sense to have the techs who call on these issues to have a certified working box with them. He says they don't do it that way.

9- I explain all of the above and ask for a higher level rep. After being on hold twice I am connected to the service rep on the desk at the office. She offers me $20 - I refuse. She also told me at one point I should come into the office to discuss, that people were waiting. I explained to her I've been waiting several days.

10- I confirm with her the channels I SHOULD receive. I ask twice, am told the same thing twice. I asked twice because a) I don't believe what I am told is accurate and 2) I already get channels I shouldn't get according to what she said, and don't get ones I should.

I TAKE IT BACK.

I've started to LIKE FRINGE on FOX. Of course that's late since it's off now til January. I think all aspects of the show have improved, or I am kinder. I think it's the show.

The plots are still goofy and unrewarding... but I am enjoying many of the characters now. I take back my slam.

But if you wanted to see a cat turd on film, get the latest X Files Movie. Aromatic, like tuna through a cat.

And SHATNER'S RAW NERVE: Biography? TV is the best set of interviews I've seen. Last night he 'did' Kelsey Grammar - AMAZING!

CHRISTMAS CARDS

There is glitter all over and under the keyboard, so if this gets odd, and spell check cannot fix it, know I haven't had a stroke.

HALLMARK has done a strange thing - their cards don't exactly fit the envelopes which are clearly too big. They glued them shut to fit the card. Huh? Doesn't some Hallmarkian genius figure this stuff OUT? Maybe they figure they'll get more $ for the cards if they appear larger, but they don't - the envelopes do.

Well, so when I folded the annual Xmas Xletter, I measured (thoughtful, huh?) only to find the REAL bottom to the envelope (I know, it's confusing - in fact the card slips in from the narrow side) which only almost-holds the folded letter.

And the glue doesn't glue. So, here's good news! There are some horses alive which would have been dead for the holidays.

If you get one of the cards with the apparent bleeding ornaments on the glittery Christmas tree, it's not a religious statement - it's the flap that cut me.

ELF ON THE SHELF

What a great way to introduce your child to homeland security surveillance.

ELF ON THE SHELF is a brilliant invention, may have been around for awhile, but in the serendipitous way of all things, I was told about it on Sunday and spotted one in Hallmark's GOLD Store on Tuesday. Here's the deal: you put this doll somewhere in your child's world. He "reports" back to Santa if you've been a good little kid. Parents move it while the child sleeps, so it appears the ELF has been moving about at night.

If it doesn't work, show them the movie CHUCKY. But I digress.

Here is a great way for those folks at homeland security to educate a child on the benefits of surveillance! It's positively Disney-like programming.

ME AND THE ELECTRIC SAW

I actually read the instructions. Stressing safety, I carefully mounted the fresh blade and tentatively approached board number ONE. The blade cut through that wood so nicely - for a second, then ground to a halt. I back off, the blade picked up speed from a stop... I approached the wood and again it stopped. And back and forth.

Freshly charged? dead battery! suspected and proven. My second cut spewed no blood and I eventually moved on to the REAL boards I need cut.

I offer the following amendment to the laws of the universe:

178 (a) - Trim pieces bought at LOWES are not only not parallel to each other when laid flat, but they are also warped.

178 (b) - ...and they are not alike, except in total length.

275 (a) - carpentry is easier for those who possess three or more hands.

STAINED, BUT UNDAUNTED

I'm going to approach the fabric and fibreglas mess in the post below from another direction... I bought strips of wood (no relation, but I can't account for EVERY SECOND of my life - c'mon!) with which I will attempt to trap the fabric to the substrate.

I have already stained them, the garage floor, here, and there; a ladder against which I propped them, and my fingers. But I did wear gloves - my work gloves - my leather work gloves which have insecticide and fertilizer traces on them. Those chemicals should mix nicely with the wood stain to give it a special sheen.

Later, I will put a brand new blade on my brand new electric saw and try to cut exact length stripettes from the 8 foot lengths.

I will remember to subtract for the blade width.

I will keep all blood off the fabric.

I bought tiny little nails with which I'll bet I can hold the strips to the sides, though there really isn't much space, and they cannot come out the other side or they'd be visible, sharp, and deadly.

Now, you might think this is no big deal but I haven't mentioned that this job must be done while all is vertical. I can't lay the damn thing down. THAT would be too easy. It would also damage the front which is curved and delicate.

MAN OF ACTION

This week I have been working (with help from a good neighbor) on a column of sound panels for my listening room - they deflect and absorb sound from a flat area. My neighbor who has a huge wood working shop, fixed my error and built a brace to firmly hold the new base to the stacked panels, which I had cobbled together so they wouldn't all fall down like humpty dumpty, if you looked at them.

Yesterday I covered the yellow fibreglas rears with fabric we had left over from the ceiling (yes, there are more sound baffles hidden under it.) It's quite a room.

I went to bed tired but proud. I had learned:

1- Double sided tape really wants to stick to ME. And itself. But not fibreglas, even pressed fibreglas.

2- Cutting fabric requires really sharp scissors. Box cutters only rip it, even with a new blade. And I didn't bleed onto the fabric, just onto my hand.

3- Fabric stretches, fooling you into believing lines are straight.

But I preservered. Job DONE!

This morning I see that yesterday's progress is today's setback. The project is now a mess of fallen fabric, stripped tape, yanked fibreglas: a mess. There's very little area to get anything to bond to... and you cannot clamp anything due to the radial front of these panels. DAMN YOU, GRAVITY!

Back to the drawing board.

I did learn one valuable lesson at the woodworking shop - boards aren't really perfectly cut, or flat, and the sides aren't really parallel. My respect for cabinet and trim work has grown exponentially.

Maybe GLUE...

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A STRAIGHT CHRISTMAS TREE

It says so right here in the Laws of Physics:

147(a) No pine tree shall grow to be be perfectly vertical. If it appears so, it is an optical illusion which will be spoiled by viewing from an angle of 30 degrees.

147(b) No Christmas tree holder will tilt in the direction necessary to make the tree perfectly vertical.

147(c) It is impossible to cut the base of a pine tree to compensate for the lack of perfect verticality.

I have proof, if you wish to drop by to see it.

TV ON COMPUTER

I missed the Thanksgiving BOSTON LEGAL, and, having read about it, forgot to record same. so looked online. Yup. ABC provides back/missed episodes, as long as you download their player.

"I don't want another program which might mess up what WORKS," said the more intelligent devil, propped on on my shoulder, smelling like Aqua Velva. "Yeah, but it's got to be okay, or they'd tick off the world. And besides, you REALLY WANT to see that show," said the evil devil on the other shoulder, smelling like eggs gone wild.

I went for it. Download. Into another ring of hell or what?

Amazingly, the program worked, the program episode loaded, and other than a few WalMart advertisements, all went flawlessly. In fact, it was the best TV picture quality (or show) I've seen on this monitor. In fact, I DIDN'T miss seeing it on the 60 inch HD screen upstairs! In fact, intrigued, I compared screen size at viewing distance - they are IDENTICAL, i.e.: 10 feet from 60 inch equals 23 inches from 19 inch computer screen (the player picture aspect ratio didn't take the full screen - just trust me on this, okay?)

I have a friend who lives on a boat and his claims of no space are the reason he watches TV and movies on his laptop. I scoffed. But I will scoff no more.

Incidentally, for the ten or fewer of you who read this (thank you - think of it as an exclusive club), there's a good show on BIO - which isn't a college course anymore, thank yew geesus! It's The Biography Channel, and on it is William Shattner's Raw Nerve, an interview show he does. We watched an interview with Tim Allen which was great. Probing, incisive, and without Baba Wawa-or ET style fluff, it seems to be very worthy. I now have it loaded into TiVo on a season pass. You might wish to check it out.

Then watch any Actor's Studio interview and dry heave at the screen.

COLLEGE VERSUS PRO FOOTBALL

Even though I was closer than most to some pro football; not as an athlete, but as programmer of an NFL local team radio network (Buffalo Bills, years ago), even though, technically, several coaches, and quarterbacks 'worked' for me in terms of broadcast, I wasn't really ever completely 'into' the game.

That changed when we moved to Austin, home of the Longhorns.

First of all, it's so much easier to identify with winners. But my enthusiasm isn't completely generated by that.

When I watch pro football, good as it may be, the players so often seem to celebrate themselves. Indeed, many are self centered, spoiled, talented mega-millionaires. The ones who aren't remain in the background.

What I enjoy so much about UT football is what seems to be a genuine sense of FUN. Example: the second string QB scores and the possible Heisman-winner first stringer is jumping around for genuine joy for him and for the team (even with a 40 point lead.) They smile and laugh. The coach calls them kids - they ARE, after all, but no macho posing MEN. The defensive (and future Head-) coach slaps and chestbumps his players as they come off a play and he's clearly having as much fun as they are. (Head) Coach Brown emphasizes having fun. There's a purity there which seems missing in pro ball. Sadly.

Here's a big kid having fun.

WALL STREET IDIOTS

You see it almost every night on TV when they show the stock market close. The darn stocks could well have tanked - even to record lows or drops and there are always a gaggle of smiling clapping idiots standing around to 'close' the day.

WTF are they smiling about? This makes me crazy. Maybe they think it's a priviledge or maybe their firm seeks pub, but truthfully they all look like fools smiling as they preside over failures and financial horror.

FOOLS. EVERY SINGLE NON-THINKING ONE OF THEM.

OH THOSE COUNTRY FAIRS

Just as long as little Doofus didn't mix the signs up, everything should be okay.

HANDY MAN

Generally, no, I'm not handy. Not for projects around the home unless they involve audio or video. It's not that I am unwilling, it's that I am a klutz. And impatient.

We have two pipes which drain 1- pool overflow 2- deck water when it rains. Both weren't thought out very well, as they stub out and then the water runs down the outside of the rock face which is the pool wall.

ALL BY MYSELF... I went to the paint store to buy more foundation paint... went to the builders' supply (NOW THAT'S A STORE!!!) bought some PVC, had it cut, discovered an elbow was mis-sized, returned it (major step forward) for the right one, attached the pipes, painted the pipes... and had a lot of paint left over so I repainted the foundation (actually the edge of the concrete slab) where it had become discolored... and then I also painted some concrete which has discolored on the deck. I didn't spill a drop. I colored within the lines.

A few weeks ago, some workers had mortared around the front door and when they stripped their blue tape, it removed some paint on the trim. I even CAREFULLY repainted the bare spots... but

apparently that's the wrong color. It didn't dry to match.

We CAREFULLY noted all paints used at the house when under construction. I fear THIS ONE DOOR is surrounded by the bastard stepchild o' paint, have no idea what it should be, but have eliminated one as wrong.

ALMOST made it. ARGH!!

BOND, JAMES... CRAIG

Craig is the best Bond since Connery.

We saw QUANTUM OF SOLACE yesterday. Here's my take in appropriate bullet points:

* The opening credits song sucks.

* They will never top the opening action sequence of Casino Royale. It was two GUYS. This one is two CARS.

* The script of Quantum for Daniel Craig seems like it was about 5 pages long. More action, less talk?

* The villain is more real than most of them are.

* From the airplane on, IMHO, the film improves.

* Olga is okay, a good actor. I thought she'd be lousy - didn't like the Casino Royale 'girl' "Vesper" at all.

* The Redhead is hot... at first. (Gemma Arterton)

* Nice new geography - locales very effective.

* Judi Dench is tops.

* Giancarlo Giannini adds humanity to the story. I wish he was in more of it.

* Escapism like this will sell many many tickets.

* I want an Aston Martin.

* They say there are no gadgets, and there really aren't EXCEPT for some pretty cool computer tables.

And the title refers to what Bond sought in revenge. I see confusion in other reviews on that.

HOUSE CONCERT

New friends - Andro (he's Dutch), and his wife, Allison, introduced me to a "house concert" which took place at an incredible venue last night. The concept is that folk music (though apparently not limited to that) enjoys somewhat of an underground audience, and that certain places - private homes or whatnot - are volunteered to bring the artist to the people. All the money at the door goes to the artist --- refereshments' generated donations to a charity.

It's really all about the purity of the music, and sharing.

So last night we found ourselves driving (too fast, I know, me at the wheel) over the backroads of Wimberly, Texas, to Blue Rock Studio, which turns out to be an incredible home/venue/studio. Here's the link - I encourage you to take the video tour! (choose: facility/video tour)

Most of the audience had been there before, as indicated by a show of hands. (So easy to see why!) I'd estimate the venue - a large hall (see the video!) holds about 120. The studio is a million dollar plus showcase. They video the shows with 3 cameras, and record audio by tielines into the studio control room.

The artist performing was highly touted, but I had never heard of her. In a word, she was GREAT. I'll link to her site and suggest you watch and listen to Don't Work With Your Friends. For another side, see the A&E video.

Susan Werner is witty. Between the songs (and even in some of them) it was all shared fun. But that's not to suggest she's one dimensional at all - some of her songs were so sensitive and wise! Here's her site.

I am humbled in the presence of such talent.

MARS LANDER DIES

The last Twitter post said it all: "01010100 01110010 01101001 01110101 01101101 01110000 01101000."

For those of you who aren't fluent in binary, the post, from NASA's Mars Phoenix Twitter account, translates as "triumph." Several scientists at JPL, who smelled suspiciously of medical cannabis, subsequently ran through the halls of the Jet propulsion Lab shouting that "there's life on Mars and it's BIKERS!"

According to NASA, the space agency is no longer receiving communications from Phoenix, its Mars lander, after more than five months of operation. The not unexpected event came after the lander moved into an area, NASA said in a release Monday, where "seasonal decline in sunshine at the robot's arctic landing site is not providing enough sunlight for the solar arrays to collect the power necessary to charge batteries that operate the lander's instruments." The guys in service said that parts are backordered.

In other words, Phoenix has run out of gas. But according to NASA, the agency got more out of the lander project than it expected, so it considers--what else would you expect NASA to say at this point--the mission a success. Since the economy in the solar system has been affected by the worldwide economy here on earth, there appears to be little chance NASA could afford a fill-up, could a station even be found.

And while the lack of suitable sunlight, as well as a dustier sky, led to the inability to power up Phoenix's batteries, NASA does hold out some hope that the lander might return to life at some point. HOUSE, MD. watching marathons are planned.

NASA launched Phoenix on August 4, 2007, and it landed on Mars on May 25, 2008, "farther north than any previous spacecraft to land on the Martian surface." Unfortunately, there was no evidence of Superman's Martian fortress of solitude or Santa's Martian Workshop.

Among its goals? It "dug, scooped, baked, sniffed, and tasted" Mars' soil like a little mechanical Martha Stewart. And while that may not seem like glorious duties, NASA credits Phoenix with confirming the presence of water-ice in Mars' subsurface, something that had first been detected remotely by NASA's Mars Odyssey orbiter in 2002. Phoenix was also a prolific photographer, shooting more than 25,000 pictures of the Red Plant during its tenure there.

NASA said that Phoenix helped further study the question of whether Mars was ever a suitable environment for microbes, and also determined that Mars harbored small deposits of salts that might have been "nutrients for life." In addition, Phoenix discovered calcium carbonate on Mars, "a marker of effects of liquid water," and what appeared to be dog stool.

Throughout the Mars Phoenix mission, NASA had sent out Twitter posts related to the project. Along the way, it gathered 38,417 followers (as of this writing), making the account the seventh most-followed on the service. (Barack Obama holds the top spot.)

And it seems NASA knew that Phoenix was dying. One post prior to its binary goodbye, the account read, "It's very unlikely I'll wake up next spring but if I do I'll call home. Good luck w/ your project."

WHAT WAS ONCE A KODAK MOMENT IS NOW A PHOTOSHOP MOMENT

I am about to start looking through the almost 600 pictures I took on vacation. I like to let a period of time pass so the pictures wiil be great memory triggers - so here it comes. Then I'll do a Shutterfly book. We keep these on the coffee table, open to a new page each day. I regret I didn't stop the car more often and take more pictures. Yellowstone was breathtaking over and over again - there are distinct areas which each have amazing beauty. It's incredible. And I really wasn't expecting to be as blown away as I was. After Yellowstone we flew back to Salt Lake City then drove to Sundance. We'd been there several times and it was very familiar but still good.

TIVO can call up pictures from this computer for display upstairs on the 60" Sony -- Amazing!

SWITCHED DIGITAL

Does anyone else have the TiVo solution for "Switched Digital" channels? As I understand it, this means your cable carrier somehow piggybacks digital HD channels on each other - and TiVo cannot decode the 'riding' channel. I just lost half a football game by choosing "record by time" and not noticing that I chose the switched digital version.... which gave me the first half - of nothing.

TiVo was said to have been working on it - or was it Time Warner? In either case, that was then and it's still then.

OH-BAMA!

Well, now it gets REALLY interesting.

Personally I hope he fills his cabinet with BOTH republicans and demolicans... I mean democrats. That would be a great step forward toward the 'across the aisle' non-partisan rebuilding of the United States. Such a shame his grandmother didn't live to see him succeed.

OBAMA in 30 MINUTES

I thought the Obama Network Half Hour was brilliantly constructed. Darn near perfect for what was obviously intended, I felt it got just a little hokey once or twice, but I'd have to see it again to be sure. That, no matter who you support, was CRAFT!

And while at the tube, let me add I felt the MAD MEN season ender (still not quite a sure thing for another season as I write this...) was wonderful. They built in plotline closure just in case that's that, but there were obvious threads which could pick up from where they left off. Excellent!!!

TELEMARKETER REPELLANT

REMEMBER: Cell Phone Numbers Go Public today
REMINDER.... all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies tomorrow and you will start to receive sale calls.

... YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS

To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone:
888-382-1222.

It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your time. It blocks your number for five (5) years. You must call from the cell phone number you want to have blocked. You cannot call from a different phone number

ZZZZZZZZ

After 19 years, Terri declared it time to buy a new mattress. I don't know that guys even know about replacing such things - I wouldn't have thought that - but my back every morning aches pretty seriously, and it turns out that a hard mattress (like we had) is bad. We discovered some of this on vacation, in various hotels.

So, to the mattress store. This is where I feel sorry for the sellers - what can be more boring than selling a mattress? The people lie down, get up, lie down, get up, etc. I don't know what you could say that would matter. Interestingly, it took AIRLINE TICKET PURCHASE AT AIRPORT quantity of keystrokes to order it for us.

We liked one a lot. In our size (California King) it was north of... and get ready for a shock if you haven't been looking, as I haven't... SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! We passed on that one. Prices have risen in the past 19 years, it seems. And now there's technology!!! Sleep numbers. Foams.

19 years ago we simply asked a sales person at the radio station who had a mattress account to see if she could get us a deal. She did. In no time, the mattress was delivered to our new home. I don't think we even tried it out, or shopped. It was, "Can you get us a deal?" "Yes." "Okay, let's do it." (Despite what it sounds like, the mattress was a good one.)

Where do they take the old mattress?

How many mattresses are now banks?

I couldn't get the sales guy to budge on price once he landed a standard discount for us. But I DID arm wrestle two free pillows out of him (which he'd give ANYWAY.)

He did try to upsell us on the Pad-That-Kills-Cooties, but we passed.

After a week two very large guys brought the new mattress to the house Saturday. Sunday morning I awoke an hour and a half LATER than my usual automatic pop-up!!!

We went with a foam - Swedish? I thought it was a gimmick at first but, man, do I want to go back to bed! It's won-der-ful. And guaranteed for 20 years.

MICROSOFT FINAL ACT

If you read below a few posts, you'll see the helpful advice given me by one of Microsoft's techs. It didn't help.

I was eventually referred to an automated telephone 'help' place where, I discovered after multi-calls, that, if you answer NOTHING - i.e.: ignore all questions while holding your breath, you may be directed to a live person. But when I say nothing, I mean not even a peep, even when the questions are asked again.

I had 8 encounters over 18 days with zero results except, following instructions, I was adding and deleting things to my computer, all the while the threat of not activating XP SP3 was haunting me via pop-up balloon.

Tech 9 actually took control of my computer from India (this is a rough guess, based on his thick accent. "WHAT?" "I can't underSTAND you!" said me, more than once. After an hour and 13 minutes, he gave up - "I have exhausted all my knowledge and am unable to solve the problem," he admitted, in words that sounded only something like that. "Ken" (likely NOT REAL NAME, though that's what he said) then bumped me up to the very highest level tech, Jimmy (likely NOT REAL NAME, though that's what he said.) Jimmy went on my computer from far away and fixed it in about 3 minutes. Then he tested it several times, proclaimed it fixed, which I believe it is.

18 days, many emails, voice tree telephone frustration and 10 techs, all to validate a download. If Microsoft thinks they are too bloated, they'd be right. INternal communication must flat out suck. Several encounters brought forth acknowledgement that there have been some problems... though that sentence didn't sound that way.

Next: SKYPE, as the latest upgrade won't 'take' and the last operating version didn't work, and trying to wipe it off my computer and replace it with a much earlier version doesn't work. So far I've received one email days ago, with two "fixes." Neither worked.

JUST ANOTHER DAY IN TEXAS...

Wake up, get up, walk the dog. Back for breakfast. Read the paper. About at this time Terri says, "Hey, there's a scorpion." The dog had been interested in something wher a cabinet meets the floor, and that's what it was. I go get the Scorpion Jaws of Death, a handy plastic clamp I use to pick them up while maintaining a sting free distance - I've been stung once and it was surprising how much it hurt!) Drop into the garbarge disposal for a quick ride down the drain. Back to reading about Sarah Palin and Joe Biden. Terri goes by with a broom and steps outside to the pool and then she returns and says calmly, "Baby rattlesnake on the patio." I emote. Snakes scare me more than they should - ALL snakes, but I thought this territory by the pool, 6 feet off the ground, was safe, unless some fool snake would want to climb stairs, and 'they wouldn't do that...' went my now broken thought (although I do believe it must have come up the bushes which top out at pool level; another disturbing thought for all the times I've been innocently trimming shrubs.)



A neighbor has killed a BIG rattler, but not recently. Maybe 4 weeks ago that same neighbor killed a copperhead but his property includes a creekside. I tell myself that's why he had it.



So I insist I have to confront my fears and I gather the rake and shovel and move the flowerpot and sure enough - it sure does appear to be a baby rattler with triangular head, too young for rattles, though it looks like the stub has begun.

Tiny though it was, I read that the babies come with full venom, and Googling snake bites shows some evil necrosis. You don't want snake poison.

Time to be a lot more careful. Those little reptiles blend in REALLY well. And I know momma hatched more than one... and then... there's momma.

DEBATE

One pundit said it best - it was a win-win, which surprised me. Palin, to her credit, wasn't lost in space; Biden didn't appear condescending or long-winded. Hard to believe this Palin is the one in the Katy Couric interview. I guess time will tell.

THE GREAT DEBATE

I'm trapped in the house by workers who are chipping away at the mortar which has dried and cracked or left holes around windows and doors. Hopefully they'll then fill the holes and cracks. But it's odd to see people at the windows, and hear the tap tap tapping. That precludes any recording of demos (auditions) today. That - and a whopping headfull of allergy. I've been very nicely succeeding at a homeopathic remedy for the season up till today. The damn broke. My head might explode.

Watching Olbermann last night as he ran the best/worst of Palin, I noticed that she's not as bad as you might initially think (not that I think FOR ONE MINUTE she should be VP) but she has managed to pull a few deflections that worked when she obviously had no clue as what the real answer was. No, not the reading material answer, or the supreme court answer, and certainly not the foreign relations experience issue... but there were a couple times when I thought (upon further examination) that she scored reasonably well and got away with a couple.

My fear is that she'll do well tonight; or that Biden will flip out and be mean or condescending to her. The best I hope for is that we all walk away and think, "nice woman - but completely lost when it comes to important matters." Tick tock.

UNBELIEVEABLE MICROSOFT ISSUE

I have now spoken to or emailed 5 Microsoft techs - WITH NO SOLUTION!!! And it's their software 'upgrade' which has caused all of this. Can you imagine the waste in a company which repeatedly gives advice that doesn't work - 'Do this - this will happen...' I do, it doesn't. The buck has been passed and passed and passed and passed and passed and passed. Literally. Now I am told to wait for a call from the "research team" member who will help me. What a joke.

SNOW SEEN ON MARS

Schools are cancelled for tomorrow.

SARAH PALIN DEBATE

I thought I saw Katie Couric's eyeballs spin like slot machine windows when she interviewed Sarah Palin the other day. I watched a recording, which allowed me to rewind and answer my dumfounded, "WHA?"

Now Sarah faces a serious test - the debate Thursday night, with Senator Biden.

First of all, Biden is in a tight spot. He can't be bullying, condescending, or mock her at all. He's got to wait and let her do herself in or he'll be hated. And this guy also has a wingnut loose on his facts when he gets oratorally wound up, so to speak, so to speak. (sic)

The question is really this: Can Sarah memorize enough material to cover all or most of the questions she'll face? If she's able, that's the way to go.

Throw in a couple more "Hockey Mom" quotes, and the electorate not running for medication at that point will love her like a reality show 'star.'

And of course, if you don't know the answer, change the question, "Well, what I think needs to be said is this: ........."

Expectations are low - seriously low - so with a little memorization, she might actually do well.

"Gimme a "U" Gimme a "A" Gimme a "S".... no, wait... well, you know."

UPDATE: I read interviews with Alaska politicians who have debated her - they said she's tremendously effective at being liked even though her statements tend to be very broad non-answers. Both guys lost to her. I also read a very interesting theory - if you can call it that - that right after the debate Thursday, Biden will step down for health reasons and Obama will tap Hillary Clinton to be VP.

DILLO

I borrowed an infrared stealth homeland security and varmint cam. After several nights, we caught the bugger on video, continuing to rip apart our landscaping.

Today we stopped at Academy sports store to buy a trap. Academy is huge; along the wall with traps were duck decoys. The LUCKY DUCK QUIVERING DUCK BUTT caught my eye, as it will now doubt catch the sex-crazed eye of the poor duck that tries to ride this love boat.

You don't believe me, you city-dwelling prude? Click here

Terri and I also took advantage of the aging of our phones to extend the service contracts and get new ones. Hers was becoming cranky and mine was having battery issues.

What do you think arrived in email while we were at the phone store? CLICK THIS : I don't think this is a trick.

I think it explains why our new phones came with the deep-fryer options.

MICROSOFT INCOMPENT (sic)

My saga continues, despite this crap:

Dear Bob,

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me.

I understand that there was no Activate Windows command under System Tools. I fully understand the inconvenience the issue has caused and that the current situation can be frustrating. Please be assured that I will continue working closely with you until the issue resolved.

Big whoop. The last two instructions were thwarted by reality. Most recently - 'register it with a reperesentative online - call this number - and choose a live agent.' I call - there's no way to ACCESS a human at all. Hey, Microsoft - when you update your procedures, tell India!

Saturday Update: they are bouncing me higher up the ladder... within 72 hours.

MICROHARD EVEN HARDER

I feel obliged to follow up my story below on the rigors of attempting to install XP SP3 on this computer:

Emailed repeated exchanges have been UNhelpful, i.e.: do this: step one, step two, step three. But when I execute step one it doesn't lead to what the instructions say will happen, stopping me right there. This has happened again and again. Add to that for some reason unknown to me, WORD now crashes regularly. Plus, their telephone center seems to only have recorded information...

With such a huge installed base there must be millions or stories in the naked-cyber-city, but mine is entirely frustrating, time consuming and unproductive. I'd expect them to be better than this.

60th EMMY AWARDS

It sucked so badly I thought it might suck back on itself, wormhole-like, and consume the opening, which would have been fitting and merciful. There was so much wrong I don't even want to relive it in my mind to enumerate the bad ideas and poor choices.

THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

I am reminded of The EYE OF THE SPARROW sung by, I believe, Sammy Davis Jr., from the old TV series Barretta.

Recently I attempted to 'join' a stock=photo supplier - whereby they 'represent' your work as ad agencies, publications and what have you, shop at their site. While on vacation, their email notification was in the large stack awaiting our return.

"No, not good enough" is what I saw, though there were different words.

Farther down the stack of E was another from the same place:

"We're going out of business."

So it's, Bad, Bad, or Bad, Good, or Good, Good.

Were they too focused (pun!) on their product? Or not enough?

Which brings me to FRINGE, touted as the BEST NEW SHOW ON TELEVISION. Uhhh, no.
I've watched two episodes now. The sound is exceptional. The HD picture is great. The photography is exceptional. Episode 2 had great editing for about 5 minutes.

The plots have been awful. The writing GOD awful, the acting, especially of a lead character (the old guy) WAY over the moon. The lead actress just doesn't visually hold the screen for anything but one angle.

For five minutes, they had it going. Then it sucked and sucked and sucked. I am intrigued by - what could they DO to fix it? You'd have to shift the show's direction away from the old man but since he's crucial to finding oddball solutions to the problem du jour, that isn't likely.

Really disappointing. If they make it through 5 episodes, then that means there's nothing else on.

ELECTION STUFF AGAIN

You might want to skip to the one below this if you aren't into politics. Below is a continuing story about Windows XP SP3, the final chapter to be written - or resolved - yet. EVERY TIME I get the computer to work right, I go and add something or upgrade (ha!) and it takes me back several steps. WHY I DON'T LEARN remains a mystery. It's a genetic urge toward progress maybe?

I just read something about why the media has been so nasty to Sarah Palin. I've got to get this off my chest.

"The media" doesn't exist. It's too broad a generalization. You can find a cable network which leans republican (FOX) and one which leans democrat (MSNBC). There's a lot less unanimity than has been suggested, though I think both 'sides' miss important points about their own cause celebs.

The Palin issue, to me, is that here's a woman with little experience who will surely be led around by the nose by those whose entire professional career has been to do just that - and they are really GOOD at it. If McCain should pass while in office, she's going to be so vulnerable to the system. It'd take Jimmy Stewart and a Mr. Deeds MOVIE SCRIPT to work it out differently.

I get the need for serious change. I want that. But to take someone with so little experience and set them into that scenario is just dangerous. We'd all like to believe that good triumphs evil, but that's naive, or to be less cynical, isn't in the mid-game, is maybe the end game. We'd all like to believe that someone with pure intentions or the commonality of us all (!?) could bring what we need. Folks, the system is CORRUPT. We are being LIED TO by both sides, call them sins of omission or commission... there are so many half truths: platform planks that can only be accomplished if CONGRESS goes along, or the SUPREME COURT goes along.

We have incredible waste, regulatory oversight gone lame, a gutted constitution, a war on two fronts (so far), a horrible economy, lack of leadership in so many ways, and so much more. We've got troubles!!! Jimmy Carter (arguably one of the highest IQ presidents ever) could simply not work the system. History repeats itself. You have to work the system.

In MY opinion, we need the inspiration and (god, I hope) drive of an Obama, coupled with the experience of Biden over the insubstantialities of McCain and Palin. Neither choice is perfect.

MICROHARD

I don't think those Seinfeld spots for the PC are going to do anything but hurt his reputation. That's based on the one I saw where he and Bill Gates have moved in with 'an ordinary family.'

Meanwhile, I received an update notice that XP SP3 was ready for me. I've never met or even heard of one Vista user to like it (indeed, they HATE it), and since I have SP2 and it seems stable and since I want to keep XP tip-top, I loaded SP3. BIG MISTAKE.

SP3 wants to be 'validated.' The validation key (XP was preinstalled on my computer, with the key documentation on a sticker on the actual computer tower) comes up as INVALID. The SP3 won't register and seems to have a 30 day time bomb built-in. I don't know what exactly happens when time's up. I contact Microsoft. The fella can't help - I need another level of tech support. I send the email. Here's the response below... and I simply post it so you might know what YOU can get into... the bottom line is, the key on the email doesn't match what's on my machine and the replacement .dll link is a dead page.

I am LOST. Without Kate.

Dear Robert,

Thank you for contacting Microsoft Windows Update Support. My name is Annie and I am glad to work with you. You can contact me directly by sending an email to v-30azho@mssupport.microsoft.com with the case ID SRX1078962371 in the subject line.

From the case log, I understand that after loading Service Pack 3 and rebooting the computer, it would like to validate. When enter the product key on the sticker, it told that it was the one on the computer. The product key is MTPFX-KXF74-HBHH4-2WVXX-84Y6D. If I have misunderstood your concern, please do not hesitate to let me know.

I understand the inconvenience you have experienced. Please be assured that I will do my best to help you.

After checking the information you attached, I am glad to inform you that the Product Key MTPFX-KXF74-HBHH4-2WVXX-84Y6D is genuine for Windows XP Home Edition. I would like to explain that the issue appeared because the system has not been validated successfully. As there is a genuine key on hand, this issue can be caused by one of the following factors:

1. The system wasn’t installed with the genuine key.
2. The Windows Genuine Advantage (WGA) engine hasn’t been installed correctly.

At this time, let’s try the following steps to check if the genuine key is installed on the system.

Run WGA Diagnostic Tool

==================
1. Please open Internet Explorer and visit the following link to download the WGA Diagnostic Tool:

http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?linkid=52012

2. Save the "MGADiag.exe" file to the "Desktop," and then double click on the file to run the tool.

3. Click the “Continue” button.

In the "Windows" tab, please check if the Validation Status and Product Key are the same as the information below.

Validation Status: Genuine

Product Key: XXXXX-XXXXX- HBHH4-2WVXX-84Y6D

If they are the same, we can take the following steps to see if the issue can be resolved.

Step 1: Temporarily disable the security programs for troubleshooting purposes only

==============================================================

The following programs can prevent the validation tool from running properly:

Norton Security programs

Panda Antivirus programs

Web Accelerator programs

Anti-Spyware programs

Pop-up Blockers

If any of the above programs cause the issue, please check if it can be re-configured to accept the WGA ActiveX control. Otherwise, please temporarily disable it to enable the WGA validation tool to work. Please ensure the program is re-enabled after we complete the troubleshooting steps.

Step 2: Install the WGA engine manually

==============================

The WGA engine may have been already installed, but is not working properly. We can use the following steps to install the latest version of WGA. This will ensure that the engine files will be copied and registered properly.

1. Click "Start"-> "Search".

2. Select "All files and folders", and then search for the following files:

legitcheckcontrol.dll

If you find the above file, please right click to rename it to something new, such as legitcheckcontrol.old.

3. Please download the update KB905474 from the following website link and save it to your Desktop:

http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/info.aspx?na=90&p=&SrcDisplayLang=en&SrcCategoryId=&SrcFamilyId=f8b8bc77-cfa1-47bd-b325-7a6d3893add8&u=http%3a%2f%2fdownload.microsoft.com%2fdownload%2f8%2f8%2fe%2f88e78788-5d68-49e4-afdd-3c8c9ab77843%2fWindowsXP-KB905474-ENU-x86-Standalone.exe

4. After downloading the update, please double-click the downloaded file on your Desktop, and it will be launched automatically. Please follow the instructions to install it.

After we have finished the above steps, please restart the computer and try to validate Windows again. If we still encounter issues after performing the above steps, please refer to Step 3.

Step 3: Visit the WGA Diagnostic webpage

================================

Please access the following website:

http://www.microsoft.com/genuine/diag/

On the website, we can test some system settings and confirm that there are no other blocking issues with your validation or Internet Explorer settings blocking the validation process.

If you have accessed the site but the validation issue persists, in order to narrow down the cause and provide more effective suggestions, we need to collect more information.

Please capture a screenshot when the error message occurs on the validation webpage.

Screenshot

=========

1. Please access the following website and click the “Validate Now” button on the webpage:

http://www.microsoft.com/genuine/selfhelp/Support.aspx?displaylang=en

2. When the error appears, please press the "Print Screen" key (PrtScn) on your keyboard.

3. Click "Start", click "Run", type "MSPAINT", and click "OK".

4. In Paint, click "Paste" under the "Edit" Menu, click "Save" under the "File" menu, type a file name for the screenshot, choose JPEG as "Save as type", click "Desktop" on the left pane, and click "Save".

5. Please find the screenshot on the Desktop and send it as an attachment to: v-30azho@mssupport.microsoft.com .

Note: When attaching files to emails, the process will vary depending on the email application being used. While you are composing the email, most applications will provide you with either an "Attach" button or Paper Clip Icon to click in order to attach a file. After clicking this button/icon you must browse to the file you wish to attach and select it by either double clicking it or clicking it once and then clicking on the "Attach" button.

However, if the Validation Status and Product Key are different with the information I provided, please collect the WGA Diagnostic Data for further research.

WGA Diagnostic Data

================

1. Please follow the steps at the beginning of this email on how to "Run WGA Diagnostic Tool".

2. Under the “Windows” tab, click the "Copy" button.

3. Open up an email, and paste (when editing the email, press Ctrl + V) the information collected by using the tool.

4. Please send the email to me at v-30azho@mssupport.microsoft.com

Thank you for your cooperation. Once I obtain the information, I will perform further research and get back to you as soon as possible. If there is anything unclear, please feel free to let me know. It’s my pleasure to be of assistance.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards,

Annie Zhou

v-30azho@mssupport.microsoft.com

Microsoft Windows Update Support Professional

----------------------------------------------

Very satisfied customers are my top priority. Please let either myself or my manager know what you think of the level of service provided. You can send feedback directly to my manager, Tony Tang at v-30tont@mssupport.microsoft.com.

Windows Live OneCare: http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=4416252

Give your computer continuous antivirus and firewall protection, along with regular tune-ups and back-ups to maintain its performance

GOD HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOUNTAINS OF FUN!

Last night we returned from a great vacation, or "holiday," as they say in Canada.
I may be jet lagged. Pictures will have to wait several weeks since there are so many (more than 500, I think, and those are the KEEPERS.) Here's a phone cam picture...



The route was fly Austin to Salt Lake City, transfer to Jackson, Wyoming, stay there, drive to Yellowstone, stay there, back to Jackson for a night, return via air to SLC, drive to Sundance Utah, fly home. IKE missed Austin completely.

I realized along the way my mind isn't shot - I actually managed to count (and I believe accurately) that our return flight was my 476th airplane flight. Not included: blimp, ultralights.

Despite earplugs, I must note the girl with the broken ankle in 1C, just in front and across the aisle from us last night, nattered for 2 hours 38 minutes non-stop. Drugs? Pain?

Noted, and there will be much more follow-up as the lag wears off:

People in Utah universally drive far over the already high speed limit.
Gas stations near SLC airport are well hidden.
IKEA makes a pretty darn good SUV! I preferred it to the XTERA we had later in the week. Okay, it was a KIA. Surprise surprise!
Yellowstone has many yellow stones.

We saw 5 moose; pronghorn, elk, squirrels, chipmunks, horses, cattle, geese, ducks, stork (or egret or whatever), hawks, bald eagle, too many bison to count (not to include the one Terri ate part of... it came with Lobster. Surf and... Prairie? She also had antelope at another restaurant. I tasted: Bison, chewy, not bad - Antelope, okay, but maybe that was the prep and gravy which was tasty.)

The naturalist we hired for a photo trip of exploration assured me there were no snakes in Wyoming (or maybe she said poisonous ones.) Anyway, later we encountered her at the lodge office and wrapped around her hand was a snake! A baby boa named Derek. Boa Derek. Anyway, I freaked.

Yellowstone is incredible. Jackson was beautiful; not so much the town which was fine (and where I had one of the best meals EVER) but the view from our room, which I will eventually post, ran to the mountains and what appeared to be thousands of feet below into the valleys. I lost count of the "wows." We saw so many shades of beautiful that no camera could capture. These were soul-stirring colors.

At Sundance we stayed in a cottage which was owned by Juice Newton and her husband. I remember playing her music back when I was on the air in the 70s. Small world. This was pure happenstance. A VERY nice cottage, by the way, full of hubby's polo trophies and a few Juice items - the gold record, etc.

One interesting sidebar: along a trail to various geysers and stewing things, we encountered a herd of bison. They were between us and out. A ranger came along and told everyone we were much much too close to these wild animals. "What should we do?" asked Terri. "Pray," said the ranger. "There's nothing I can do to stop one of those bison and I see many people gored..." We took the long way back. Don't know if anyone was gored.

Later in another part of the park traffic was stopped as a lone bison casually walked down the yellow stripe between traffic lanes, then in this lane, then that one. We all politely waited.

Actually, bison are apparently very dangerous, and also, when they want to be, fast.

More as I unlag.

5 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST

Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage a area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND

Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock it saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).


Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!"

THIRD

Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

FOURTH

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone:
* # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone is stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

And Finally:,

FIFTH

Free Directory Service for Cells

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends

SARAH PALIN SPEAKS WELL

I feel obliged to comment on Sarah Palin's speech last night. She was good, even very good, but it disgusted me. Below is a link which will give you some background as to the misinformation she spewed.

Click Here

I HATE the way the Republicans have targeted the media. That's called misdirection. It's sleazy. Shoot the messenger. Ignore the substance.

And that crowd ate her words up like a junkie takes free crank. Again, she was a worthy 'pusher' but the facts speak from themselves (or, no, they apparently DO NOT.)

Maybe it's due to the nature of this election? I fear we'll never ever see a civil election in our lives. The internet, the media focus, the lockstep of the parties are all contributing to something ugly; out of the control of reason and truth.

WHERE'S HUNTER S THOMPSON WHEN WE NEED HIM?

DEAD. Well, that sucks for us. I think his 'take' on the increasing ridiculousness of the election shrieking would serve for those thinking souls who are ready to throw up.

It's becoming so transparent.

Is that me, my age, my attention, focus, values? Or is it real?

The rebubbalicans (sic) have now decided that to forestall possible Palin nasty reportage from the press, they'll attack the press. Heck, they know that the press is held in low regard (along with congress, the president, the vice president.) Swing hard at what's already an easy target.

I couldn't stand last nights poli-babble. "Now on the floor of the convention, here's Andrea Mitchell with (anyname goes here)." "Anyname, how do you feel Sarah Palin will affect the election?" "Well, I think she's a tremendous asset. She's completely energized the base in a way no one else could have..."

It's amazing how quickly they all march in lock-step. Every interviewee said the same thing. "On message" is what they call it.

Are these people so needy and lost that they have to rely on group-think to substitute for greater depth?

And yes, I admit, the democrats do it too.

Even I fell for the company line when I worked for a big conglomerate. Like a dutiful party member, I would espouse the company line back down to my people. What an idiot I was. It meant zero to anyone, probably lowered my standing among my people, and when the conglomerate came to cut muscle along with fat, I got sliced. So much for loyalty. Meanwhile the bigs still flew around in private jets "for security reasons."

Politics plays like college football cheerleader-think. Slogans, cheers, and an emptiness filled by membership to the group... with the lower group intelligence of a mob.

GUSTAV BLOWS BUSH OFF STAGE

They say every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, the silver lining will apparently keep President Bush and VP Dick 'The Smirk' Cheney out of the Republican convention - it may even keep John McCain off stage. The silver lining is in the fewer comparisons to the Demo-spectacle, the better, because McCain is no McAble when it comes to crowd-rousers.

They say he is showing concern for the people of New Orleans. As I write this, Gustav is still offshore, but has diminished to a category 2: nothing to be sneezed at (especially into the wind.) "Acting presidential" is the role McCain has taken on... but other than showing concern and holding off the balloon drop, I don't really see what he can DO beyond expressing concern.

Meanwhile, Bush is here in Austin.

Later, he should tour any New Orleans devastation with Michael Brown hanging upside-down from a rope beneath the helicopter.