FOR DUMMIES

Have you seen the collection they have? Everythingin the universe is covered.

WIPING YOURSELF FOR DUMMIES
EYEBROW TWEEZING FOR DUMMIES
BROW FURROWING FOR DUMMIES
YAWNING FOR DUMMIES
WRITING A BOOK FOR DUMMIES FOR DUMMIES
and on and on.

Terri saved me, with PHOTOSHOP FOR DUMMIES. I need it. I am so helpless, even after watching ten videos on how to do it (really: it's their special gift... ten videos... online and reasonably short.)

Meanwhile I can't help but notice that VOLVO has a new tech gadget - a heartbeat monitor for your car.

The woman approaches her car on a rooftop parking ramp, in the dark, after working late. Her Volvo sits alone. She pulls out her key chain and the key fob indicates a HEARTBEAT in her car. She smartly leaves the area.

I wonder how tuned the thing is? Say there are two teenagers in the car, making out furiously. Would the keything explode, start a fire in the owner's purse, setting off another explosion of pepper spray and aerosol perfume?

I saw another ad (not that I was looking) for a male 'ahem' stimulant. It's like a breath strip. You place it under your tongue when you are ready for action. I wonder if they backfire and can make your tongue hard and uh, elongated?