SHOPPING ALONE

There's a supermarket or whatever they are called these days, up the street about a mile. Until now (after - what? 20+ years of marriage) Terri (who still works) has done all or almost all the food shopping. The division of chores has me doing other stuff - pool, yard, cars, etc. Now, finding myself semi-retired, I have agreed to do the "make-up" shopping midweek to pick up the stuff we run out of, etc. To be fair, I must admit it took some prodding.

Today was my first day.

Guys should not shop in stores with other people. We see everything as an obstacle or distraction. We will buy crap we don't need. I eyed the ice-cream cakes with interest. One wasn't on my list. But then I remembered that I almost die on my bike daily to try to lose a little fat so, no ice cream cake. This time. Note to self: there are some aisles I should avoid always!

I figured: go early in the day, avoid crowds.

Yes. No. The store seems to have a restriction - you have to be a young mother with a little toddler either running amok or being held. Nice arms, there, girl! Or you must be a doddering old person, shuffling along at turtle pace. In middle of the traffic. Too bad there aren't turn signals they could leave on.

I must remember not to snarl when someone blocks the milk cooler with their cart.

They've remodeled the store and put things where you wouldn't expect them - Q tips? In the cotton ball aisle? Noooo. Papaya tablets? In the vitamin aisle? Noooo - plus, the new 'health' section (they remodeled and messed everything up!) is a mile from the vitamin section.

I'll get used to it.

But not all of it: the older women are just so friendly and chatty with the checkouts who are either the slowbaggers they wouldn't dare put online in busy times, or hung-over younger folks.

I did crash into another cart - the woman was looking the other way she said and I was distracted by something or someone (some of the young women are lookable.)
No damage. VERY happy it wasn't done with cars! A good smack, though!

Now I begin to have an idea what things COST. And they all cost too much! Seems like everything small is $4.

They put toy junk right at the end of the checkout so little toddlers can slow things down by grabbing an item and trying to guilt-trip mommy into buying the widdle furry troll. These stores are surely designed by cunning bastards!

As a man, I must quickly visit, and conquer. This, this, this, DONE! It goes back to caveman genes: kill food, drag to cave, drop.

They should have a checkout for guys only. Or type As. And why is the 10 item guy standing there with no takers when the sign should change automatically... who says 10? Why not 18 when traffic makes it so?

Organic milk? Yeah. I trust them. Those cows... they watch them.

Strangely, this store has a poor section of cookies! This is ONE area with which I am reasonably familiar - but in the redesign, many went away. They also split up the cookies with crackers in the middle. A cracker can never take the place of a cookie. Are the cracker people trying to fool the Oreo eaters? Don't think so!

Happily, the new food stage wasn't operating at this time of day, so I didn't have to endure the overloud PA system for the Magic of the Wok con gusto.