BUYING CHRISTMAS CARDS

I know there are so many other important things 'out there' in the real world - The White House party gatecrashers (or is it gatecasheriners?), Tiger Woods and his Holly Jolly Christmas (this just in - he thought the fire hydrant was a garden gnome and we know how evil THEY are...)

But my global reach extends only so far. Today I bought our new supply of Christmas cards. They were on sale, and the selection was surprisingly limited - this - on December First? I didn't want the smiling Santa Face which I later found (35 cards for $3) at the food market. Instead I chose a nice sort of abstract design that looked good to me and seemed to say SNOWFLAKE Christmas - an ideal image. We rarely get snow this far south, but it's fun to watch the cars in Dallas slide into one another in the snow. They run that video on local TV in a loop instead of the Yule Log.

And where do you get Christmas cards? At the local HALLMARK GOLD STORE OF LOVELY CRAP, of course. The store has a scent. The scent is designed to make you think warm thoughts of gramma, as she removes a freshly baked batch of gingerbread to go with her freshly whipped cream. This is to loosen your wallet. It apparently works as I got out with $97 worth (worth?) of cards, one of the few selections where I could get them all in the same design.

There are figurines which greet you from their holy altars of Shelves, record your own message cards (ah - tech!), cards for every incarnation of relationships: "Sure we're divorced but at this special time of the year I wish your tree tinsel gets caught in the vacuum cleaner you stole when we split our stuff up - there was NO court order on that - anyway I hope the tinsel jams the motor, starts a fire, and burns down my half of your damn house." Harsh, but admittedly seasonal.

Or:

"Psychologists say the holiday season is one full of depression. I was going to send you a more expensive card but on my way to the store I saw a rag-tag kid standing shivering in the snow in front of the coffee shop. So instead of buying you a better card, I treated myself to some hot chocolate, to cheer myself up."
Season Greetings.

Or:

"Why your card is not sealed: I found an online story of how some workers at the Hallmark glue factory had H1N1 flu and may have coughed into the vat of glue. So what would YOU do? Merry Fluless Christmas."

We've lost addresses over the travels and also some people have apparently removed us from cherished status to aw, let's just stop this back and forth once a year because we'll never see them again anyway and who cares - Bob is odd and his stupid Christmas letter... is just hard to follow.

Well, the letter is done, though Terri has to edit or scowl still. The cards are in house. The list has been printed. Now if you don't get one, it's because we haven't heard from you in a long time - the statute of card exchange limitations is two Christmases, I believe.

I will publish the Christmas letter for those who want to see what they missed, after all the cards have been sent and would have been received if the temp posties can find your address.