Hot Rod Chainsaw

Early Sunday mornings I walk the dog. On this particular Sunday the cool crisp air was split into fractals by the unmistakable sound of a two cycle engine. Since we live in a Gated Community where builders are not allowed to build on Sunday by a legal and binding statement in the development brochure, I thought maybe it was a scofflaw working on a cedar with a chainsaw. But, having cut my share of tree, I know the pitch just wasn’t quite right. Razor sharp, even at that early hour, I ran through the list of 2 cycle motors I have known: chain saw is already out, go-kart, maybe, lawnmower, no. Weedwacker, possible. The pitch kept changing, though, and that added a complication to the puzzle: uuuuhhhhhhhUUUHHHHHHHuuuuuhhhhhhHHHHHHH. Then idle, then power. And it was close, but not to be seen. The walk had turned into a puzzle. I detectived. The sound seemed to be getting louder but no one was in sight, and our development is relatively new and unbuilt. There was a perceptible Doppler shift, signaling an approach. As I looked deeper into the Treed Lots which Preserve Our Heritage and Pride In Nature, I saw nothing unusual. Then I noticed Jessie, my dog, looking up. Bingo! Some cheater of death was cutting through the air in a Paraglider!

A Paraglider is a parachute under which you suspend yourself. You slip on a harness onto which hangs a gas engine and a big fan/propeller. You take a few steps, the chute fills with air, you hit the throttle and step into the air. This guy was oblivious to my waving because he was either way too cool to wave or scared completely out of his mind.

Now, I am no novice to adrenaline. I am a private pilot, so I’ve been there and done that. I have flown Ultralights, sort of crashed two of them, and have broken my ankle falling off a skateboard. While in college, I drove a Vespa. I have push started VW Beetles in both forward and reverse. I have seen both versions of Flight of the Phoenix and watched Conn Air twice. Not surprisingly, on that Sunday morning I saw a niche open up.

If you are like me, and crave the ultimate in speed and thrills, I offer a partnership to any inventor who can tear himself away from American Chopper. May I introduce you to HOTROD CHAINSAW. Hotrod Chainsaw is, basically, a chain saw with a wheel on one end and a bicycle seat on the other. Once you get the hang of it, you will experience the Ultimate in speed and thrills. If you sat way too close to the screen watching Road Runner cartoons as a kid, or, better, later in life, this may be the experience of a lifetime! Note: to be used under adult supervision and only after signing a notarized waiver of liability.

Yesterday into the apparently congested skies over Our Slice Of Heaven ™, the SANYO blimp blimped. Again, Jessie looked up. (Whatever happened to Goodyear? How could they let this happen?) Where’s the thrill to blimping?

Local lore has it that someone in this development or darn close, has been seen flying in a JETPACK. That’s a really big knapsack with a jet engine in it a la Bond, James Bond, THUNDERBALL, 1965. This I have to see for myself. This is a prospect for Hotrod Chainsaw!