Something's up down there

Below I mention having just been to the dentist for a particularly grueling session. How grueling was it? The chair armrests now have my white-knuckle squeezings in permanent plastic. My tongue is still half numb on one side - 30 HOURS later.

It's usually my tendency to CLEAR THE HECK OUT. Never mind waiting for the fog of the Nitrous to lift - the BILL will sober me up, thank you. And so I danced my way out as soon as the drool bib was removed.

And yet, in the same hallway, are the offices of Austin Magazine. I'm a subscriber. I write. I think I should propose a marriage.

Each time I've passed that door I've thought, "Hey - I should see if they have space for a wordsmith!" But immediately I've always then thought - 'but I'm dressed way too casually, should work up a resume, etc.'

Not this time. I boldly staggered in - Nitrous'n'Novocaine boy - that's me! I announce myself, "Halllloooooo?" Nobody at the front desk. In fact I'm not sure there was a front desk. Luckily, the first person I saw was the editor. "May I help you?"

"Yeshth. I wash justh at the dentisthts offith down the hall and shought I'd schtopp in to schee if you need writershs."

A nice classy impression there. A cross between Daffy Duck, Buddy Hackett and Professor Irwin Corey. Never mind if you don't know two of them. You haven't studied pop culture back into the days of single digit gasoline as I have.

A social note:
Lurching, drooling and slurring not recommended to make that Good First Impression.

Meanwhile, channel 9 in Tampa (now THERE's a head snapping segue!) reports a huge marine dieoff. "Right now, anywhere we go from shore to 20 miles offshore, from Sarasota to Tarpon Springs, we can't find a single creature alive on the bottom right now," said a local dive instructor.

There's something up down there!

And from GREENPEACE, this report:

"Monsanto is seeking patents not only on methods of breeding, but on actual breeding herds of pigs as well as the offspring that result."

"If these patents are granted, Monsanto can legally prevent breeders and farmers from breeding pigs whose characteristics are described in the patent claims, or force them to pay royalties."

Imagine sanitizing THAT for the stockholders. No videos.