WILLIE SMOKES WONKA

Willie Nelson's bus was pulled over in Louisiana yesterday for a routine stop when the state trooper noticed what seemed to be the smell of the wicked weed wafting from the bus. Upon inspection, he located a bag 'o' dope and some magic mushrooms too. I'll wait while you get over the shock.

Maybe that Reggae CD he did was a clue.

Actually, the whole world has been doing a nudge nudge wink wink over WIllie's ganja follies for, oh, 30 years or more.

I have an idea - Willie is 73. Let's draw a line. Say, 60. Over 60 you can smoke dope or take the 'shrooms. You can't drive just like you can't get drunk and drive, but after 60 you should know what you are doing.

Why not have crimes which cost more the younger you are? Bank Robbery at 25 gets you 20 years. Bank Robbery at 75 gets you 6 months. It has to do with a complicated formula based on lifespan and remaining years. It also changes things a lot.

"I have a gun."

"Now where did I put it?"

"What? Speak up!"

And face it, at 60 if you're going to be fat, you're fat. Go for the oreos. Munchies are about the only pleasure you're going to get much of. So why not?

I don't know why the Po-lice don't read about the stars that flaunt their drug use, and follow-up on it anyway. I read that Bill Maher was quite the serious smoker of MaryJane. Yes, that Bill Maher. Geez, Bill why in the name of good paranoia would you let that get out? It's not like you blend in, either.

Back to Willie - turns out Willie's Bio-Diesel isn't his only farming subsidy. I say let him off. Then let's let everyone incarcerated for the same offense out. It costs too much to put them up behind bars and the war on drugs just doesn't work. It's a mssive drain. How about for one year we turn ther war on drugs funding into the war on hunger. Tax drugs. For a year. See what happens.

Hey, here's another radical idea - next presidential election - each candidate would have to have one debate in which all participants were stoned. You'd see them in a different light, perhaps revealing some, uh, subtext. Giggles, short term memory loss and munchies would trump rehearsed posturing. I'd like to see the fatty being passed podium to podium too.