CURSE OF THE SWEET TOOTH

I admit it. I crave sweets. And it seems that, after dinner, especially, if I don't have something sweet, I show the symptoms (I assume) of addiction: nervousness, restlessness, a gnawing need that doesn't go away until filled.

Over the years I have found that even as little as 3 Hersheys Kisses will serve me. Or a few marshmallows. It's like our dog: she expects the treat after she goes and does her business. I expect a treat after dinner.

Well, last night I sunk to a new low. Here is my confession. Let it serve as a source of a feeling of superiority for you. My weakness is my shame.

There was nothing sweet in the house. I looked in all the prime places, then the secondary ones: nothing sweet in the kitchen drawers, not in Terri's office drawers (no pun), and she assured me there were no more hidden Girl Scout cookies or treats in her bag. Relentlessly I roamed the house. There's ALWAYS something. I found a few hard candies, but they don't work for me. Hard candies are the lowest form of sugar: time consuming, often fruity and never satisfying.

I prowled on.

Couldn't eat a bowl of sweet cereal - we were out of milk. Didn't want it dry - the milk releases the sweetness.

I reached BEHIND things in cabinets. This is not normal behavior for any man.

Nothing lost, nothing forgotten, no remnants. There were a few white tips from Halloween candy corn in the corner of the empty candy drawer, but not enough of them to satisfy. Besides, they were petrified. If they broke a tooth, I wouldn't know which was the tooth and which was the corn tip.

Again I checked the freezer. And there, facing me at eye level, was a plastic brick of uneaten Gelatto that was old enough to have a historical marker on it. A challenge! But it should be sweet. Shouldn't it? All I have to do is get around the crusty icy crud.

And so, with spoon in hand, I dug in. I mined the goop for unspoiled Sweet, yes? Maybe a little suspiciously textured, but maybe that's the way they intended it.

Later, I was instant-messaged by my intestinal department that perhaps my entry into Old Gellato was a faux pas. In fact, even today I expect an explosion at any moment. That's as graphic as I'm going to get.

The moral of the story is I need help. In so many ways. And Gellato doesn't age well.

TiVo

Last night our TiVo died. It died at the promise of life. Which is to say that the screen said POWERING UP. Then, three minutes later, the screen went dark. And the Powering Up began again. I figure this happened at least 250 times.

I tried the fixes on the forums. I unplugged and replugged. I unplugged and waited 20 minutes and replugged. Terri and I were distraught. We are TiVo addicts. There's no question about this.

To the web. Research. I found a TiVo - same box as I had - for free. Circuit City. (And would you believe ther special is over tomorrow?) Yup. Cost: $219.99 - rebate $220. Too good to be true? Apparently not. Bought it on the spot. Called TiVo when I got home and 'cancelled' the contract on the old box and started a new one on the new box. I put the new box under the old one and swapped connectors. This time, Powering Up meant what it said. I went through the setup and all seems good.

I suppose there's a little irony here, in that we only need this standard definition TiVo till (I project) this fall, when major advances will be common in all HDTVs and associated gear (receivers, etc.) AT that time, or shortly after, we will jump to high definition. So at that point I will immediately buy a high definition TiVo. They list for $999. I doubt there are any great deals out there. Certainly no free ones.

You might think TiVo is a toy or an excuse to watch more TV - but it's actually not -you watch LESS TV because we skip the commercials. Takes about - oh, I don't know - maybe 5 seconds to skip all of them. A half hour show is about 18 minutes. An hour show is about 40 minutes.

You might also think all DVRs are the same. But no, that TiVo interface is WONDERFUL.

Example: We love "24." TiVo knows to get all the new episodes. But the other day FOX played a TWO HOUR run of new shows back to back. No sweat. TiVo knew, and got them. Schedule changes? No problem. TiVo knows.

I have evangelized about TiVo over the years. Other than the fact they break after a while, there's just no going back to real time tv and that's that.

THE DEVIL IS ON MY SHOULDER (AGAIN)

He must have a condo here.

Yesterday I bought a new toy - it's part of a new class of remote controlled airplane. New class: cheap, electric, rechargeable, very light (the box felt empty!), and apparently, highly maneuverable. I write 'apparently' because I await my maiden flight.

I am sitting at the keyboard watching the sun come out and warm up what was the start of gloom.

So why the devil?

Wind is bad. These planes are so lightweight that I could lose it in a tree or a horrible crash. I figure, despite their ruggedness-assurance, that this plane isn't good for many hits. But it is 'certified' for ages 8 and up, so I'm just under the wire!

The devil wants me to fly it in the living room.

Terri is out of town.

What harm would there be in a test flight?

I have a pilot's license from way back when.

How hard can it be?

I struggle: the living room or the wind... Devil says either, or even BOTH.



Mine has bad decal application by Bob, it's quite ugly compared to this beauty shot

- to be continued -

Devil won. I was headed out into the wind just now. But when I initially charged the battery I must have forgotten to turn the switch off. The tank is dry. The volts'n'amps are empty. She's charging.

I've had limited experience with model airplanes that fly, or should fly. I had this yellow thing - a Piper Cub - when I was about 12... you'd start the .049? gas engine with a battery hooked to the glow plug and then control it by turning in a circle holding onto a U shaped controller from which twin lines went to the plane.

Trying to start the engine was an iffy chore. You'd hook up a battery, endlessly mess with the needlevalve, and spin the propeller with quick get-out-of-the-way-because-if-it-starts-you-will-be-very sorry. You'd flip that prop over and over, then charge the cylinder again, spill fuel on your fingers and everything, then cut your fingers trying to spin the darn prop-with-sharp edge, then the fuel would sting as it found the cut.

Maybe the Cub would start. Then you'd again adjust the needlevalve (fuel/air mixture, I guess), disconnect the battery, then get someone to hold it while you ran to the controller and untangled the strings then yell "let go!" The plane would just as likely immediately take off, go ten feet, and crash. Start over.

One time after much fingering, I got it started, but the engine was running backwards somehow. Not good.

I did finally have a few flights and learned that you get pretty dizzy turning in a circle over and over.

Later, when I was a teen, I spotted a great model airplane that my friend had built of balsa, sitting on a high shelf in his room. Authentic fighter. With engine. "Hey, did you ever fly it?" I believe the answer was no. I also believe the Devil was with me as I persuaded him to take it out for a spin.

We walked over the a big parking lot across the street from his house, got it fired up... he took the long tether and I let it go. Around it went - quite fast - a few times. Then up. Almost straight up. Okay, completely straight up. He shouted: "What do I do?" Me: "Run!" We did. He let go the tether and we beat feet. The Hellcat nosed over and quite spectacularly crashed into the asphalt. I still feel guilty.

My new toy should be charged by now.

- to be continued -

Outside we have maybe 3/4 of an acre of cut grass/prairie.

First flight: 5 seconds. Crash.

Second: one second: crash.

And so it went, but amazingly the plane is so slow and lightweight that it always seems to be okay after the NTSB investigation.

I lost count of the quick flight and crashes, but one was pretty cool, because it was circling and going higher and higher and higher (maybe a minute?) (and then the wind took charge.) It flew out of sight. And possibly out of range of the transmitter. It came to rest upside down in a cedar, luckily in a spot I could FIND, and reach.

And so it went, till I gave up, because the wind really was making any straight flights impossible. But I know enough to already see how much fun this will be in calm air. May be the best $30 I ever spent.

- to be continued -

Wind: bad. Gentle wind: still bad. Trees: magnetic. The plane is almost uncontrollable in the wind (depending on direction and wind speed.) I've had maybe two or three flights where I thought I was affecting things. Wind and rain predicted for the rest of this week.

- to be continued -

I AM PHOTOTROPIC

"Phototropism is a growth movement induced by a light stimulus. Growth towards a source of light is called positive phototropism, that away from the source is termed negative phototropism. The tips of shoots are usually positively, that of roots negatively phototropic." I think that makes me a plant.

The idea is I need sunshine. When it's a gloomy day (like today) I become moody and depressed. Hard rain isn't so bad - it's more of an event, a show put on by nature and it's nice to look outside and be thankful I'm not there.

I have discovered that, contrary to their claim, Florida Orange Juice is not like a glass of sunshine. Also that Sunshine crackers don't work. Sunsweet Prunes do work, but not the way I intend.

POCKET TASER

Now for about $300 you can buy a pocket taser in designer colors. It's about the size of a cell phone.

If you don't know what a taser is, it's a high voltage/ low amperage device which shocks the victim/target. It's quite a jolt, but due to the low amperage, doesn't kill.

But gee, another thingie for another pocket?

By the way - the range is about 15 feet and... here's the best part - you only get one shot.

You can use it in the close up mode, where you shock the bastage through his (or I suppose her) clothes. Not sure how long that works before the batteries die. But you can count on the perp going down.

Unless they are drug crazed. Then you have an even more crazed problem. At that point, try the knee - it's the original homeopathic taser, and some say, still the best.)

But I think the electronics giants are missing a huge opportunity - CONVERGENCE! Yup, why not build it into a cell phone? It could shock, take a picture of the bad dude AND call 911 all at once. The GPS would tell the cops where you are too.

Again, I miss out on a huge opportunity.

I come up with these ideas but can't move them into the real world.

Gotta go - I need to invent some more excuses.

SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS

Wow. I'll bet many self congratulatory meetings were held today in the companies that forked over $2.6 million for 30 seconds of Super Bowl airtime. These people are, for the most part, deluded, talentless, and lost in space of an alternate reality. The reason I write this is because so many of the commercials were horrible.

Now I know, taste is subjective and demo targeting might make the commercials more acceptable to some.

A few come to mind:

The Jessica Simpson one... in the words of so many others... WTF? She jumps back in the limo to get a pizza. Clever? Don't think so, Paco.

The Garmin man vs map monster... what a colossal waste of money. So it was supposed to look cheesy, right? Sure hope so. I can think of so many better ways to promote that map vs tech idea!

BTW: Prince is god.

Several spots did work for me. My favorite was actually just text... for Coke, highlighting black milestones. Classy. Understated. Deserved.

There was another Coke spot which started with the money rolling into the slot (excuse me, though, where can you get a coke for a COIN?)... many fanciful moves later the bottle is delivered. Great animation. Sort of Rube Goldberg meets Busby Berkley meets the Tribbles.

Who could hate the Budweiser down-and-out dog which gets gets splattered, then onto the wagon? Cute. Nice end, with the beauty queen hugging the dog and getting muddy!

The Bud spot with paper rock scissors was funny in its starkness.

An aside: we watched the beginning of the show that followed - criminal minds, into which they inserted the postgame standups between Jim Nance and Phil Simms... and it really did seem like it was from the game broadcast since they talked about turnovers and rain. Nice trick!

The Blockbuster spot with the little animals squeezing the mouse was hilarious!

Go Daddy must have looned out - that spot was so sexist and simply dumb... maybe only men buy their service (I do) but again a cheaply done dumb concept.

I liked the spot the viewer thought up... the one with the guy and the girl... he's in a car... the frames would freeze, then colorize then a word would describe the product feature (but I can't remember the product - was it Doritos? That's not a good thing. But I did laugh. Like the spot, like the product - until you know better!

A good game!

CBS has awful audio for the most part, whenever anything is complex, especially at the beginning of the proceedings - teams come out, coin toss - they simply can't get a mix right. At least you could hear Prince, though his guitar did go out right at the end (and you couldn't really hear the backup musicians, not that that really mattered because his Purpleness is that good.) But ya know, it's just another thing.

We don't have HDTV yet and I was thinking we didn't miss much in all that rain as the cameras were soaked and splattered. CBS says they were continually wiping the lenses and I believe it.

PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL CLUBBED TO DEATH BY ANGRY TOWNSPEOPLE WITH SNOW SHOVELS

Punxutawney, Pa., February 2, 2007

Tragedy struck Gobbler's Knob this morning after Groundhog Phil mounted the leg of the Mayor and began humping him. Fearing rabies, the mayor tried to free himself but the claws were sunk deep into his calf. Other council members attempted to pry Phil off the leg but were bitten on the hands and fingers. Onlookers, some who had been drinking to stay warm, became loud and unruly, and several grabbed snow shovels and began to beat Phil. Once he let go of the mayor, the frenzy continued.

Later, in the recovery room of Punxutawney General Hospital and Grille, the mayor said that, "...fate had dealt the cards, and that Punxutawney would play them. From this day forward, we will base our winter/spring prediction on my pretty niece, 18 year old Bambi, who will camp out in my RV on the Knob for 30 days before emerging to see or not see her shadow."

"This fits with our new initiative to drive tourism beyond one day a year. Our new slogan is Punxy is Sexy and after the public sees Bambi, I'm certain they'll get the message."

"It used to be, if Phil saw his shadow, it meant 6 more weeks of winter, and if Phil didn't see his shadow, it meant spring is around the corner. But seriously, who wants to be around a nasty, smelly, and might I add, oversexed rodent? I'd much rather spend the pre-prediction hours with Bambi in her RV, the Knobmobile, helping her choose the appropriate wardrobe for the occasion."


Bambi: Punxy is Sexy!

MISS USA COMES CLEAN!

New York - Fallen beauty queen, Miss USA Tara Conner, said she had witnessed amazing things as a child and that may have driven her into a life of alcohol and drugs - but she still believed she could be a good role model.

Conner, 21, came close to losing her crown last month because of her wild behaviour but was given a second chance by real estate tycoon and reality TV star, Donald Trump, owner of the Miss USA contest, after she agreed to enter a rehabilitation program.

'Faced her demons'

In her first interview since emerging from a month in rehab, Conner said she had come to terms with the fact that when she was a teen, she had a romantic relationship with a neighbor boy. "The Kents were the nicest people, but Clark, their son, was just - I don't know - special somehow. The day we moved to Kentucky I felt like my heart just stopped beating!"

But she said she had faced her "demons" and came to realize that men in the world outside Smallville were not as strong or loving as her early experience showed.

"I will not deny that I have witnessed some remarkable things, but out of respect for my neighbors back then... it's something I would like to speak with my family about first," Conner told NBC television's Today show in the interview broadcast on Thursday.

"Later on, maybe I'll feel more comfortable about speaking on these topics, but right now not so much."

Addictive personality

She said what had happened in the past may have contributed to her alcoholism and addictive personality. "After Clark, nothing would satisfy me."

LONG LIFE IN TEXAS

A tough, old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 110.
He left four children, 20 grandchildren, 30 great grandchildren, 10
great great grandchildren and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

NEW CAMERA (OLYMPUS EVOLT E-500)

It's automatic, it's manual. It knows what you are thinking. Otherwise how could it confuse you? I love my new D-SLR (digital SLR) by Olympus. But so far it continues to frustrate me. (Maybe I should read more of the instructions? I breezed through them twice, but, well, you know guys vs. instructions.)

What I love about it is that I can easily affect flash shots to output more or less light. I can even bracket a picture by taking three versions at different settings very quickly. (Just don't ask me how to turn that on yet.) One of my pet peeves is that so many flash pictures are too bright up close. Too dark beyond that.

I've only used the wide angle lens so far - it came with another longer one too, but I prefer wide.

There are so many settings to decode... I am learning - slowly.

My gripe is that I haven't found a quick way to see the pictures I have taken, once loaded into the computer. I have some theories about what I should do, but haven't tried them yet.

Here's a picture - it's not touched up.



I'm going to try to find some of the pictures from Bastrop State Park where we weekended a few weeks ago (blog below somewhere) and add pictures to it.

WEATHER PERSPECTIVE

In Minneapolis, the weather people on TV would get very serious about snow. (It averages 55 inches a year) "OOOOOoooooooo here it comes." Like anyone who's been there a full year doesn't know what it means.

Here, in Austin, we just had an ice storm and they were pretty rational about it all - it's rare and everyone seemed to take it in stride. Which means people stayed home. But now - here comes the Arctic chill a.k.a. The Pipe Buster!

It's amusing to me that they've been predicting this two weeks out (and rarely get TOMORROW right!) And the low predictions vary between teens and 20s. Oooooooooo. This is coming from the north pole. Normal daytime high today would be 62, just for comparison.

When I had a radio station to program I very seriously wanted to do what I am about to suggest but never could get the morning show to see the humor.

We'd do the weather with our weather guy. We'd do it with a dog (one bark means clear, or whatever code.) We'd do it with a nun (I figure she knows God, maybe gets the inside scoop.) And a fortune teller. Then keep score. Fun? Or just crazy?

UFOS

Credit: RENSE.com ENLARGED

My mother claimed to have seen a UFO from a roof top restaurant in Naples. Our neighbors in Minnesota had a very close encounter when they lived in Nebraska - a silent globe went right by their outdoor deck while they were there! (They were reluctant to give full details - we had to pry it out of them - so it didn't seem to be a hoax.)

Many reports of lights, etc., are obviously not otherworldly. But I remain intrigued, since, if it were true that we were being visited by intelligent life from other worlds or dimensions, it'd be the biggest story ever.

Here's what I don't get: At night, many appear to drive around with their lights on. Which would mean that they don't care about being spotted. (Or they are bad at it. That conflicts with the intelligence necessary to build one of these things.) If being obvious doesn't matter, why not be more obvious in the daytime? If we are ants to their intelligence, why worry about the reaction? That'd be like a human worrying about an ant reaction to his choice of shoes.

If they are intelligent enough to get here, you'd think they'd be better at hiding. If they don't care, you'd expect to see more obvious ones out in the open.

There are some very good photos taken over the years. I expect these to get better and more prevalent with so many cell phone cameras in the world today!

I co-produced a radio broadcast on UFOs which aired in 30 countries on this subject back in, oh, 1976. I can tell you some of the people I interviewed were pretty darn straight-arrow types.

There are stories of those in the military who "saw a flying saucer", etc. who were then commanded to shut up about it - forever. Some of those are old enough to not care and the word gets out. One of the astronauts - I forget which one - he was one of the originals - before becoming an astronaut - was in charge of a film crew which saw and clearly filmed what appeared to be a flying saucer on the ground. The military took the film and that was the last anyone heard of it.

I suppose social institutions would break down - religions would have some adjustments to make - and if WAY advanced, those from other worlds could have a profound effect on our group psyches. Maybe there's a rule about being stealthy (if so, some are breaking it!)

Some say it's the military. I say - if so, then why don't they use the darn things in the war. Talk about shock and awe!

THE BIG MELT

Finally we were able to get out of the house and to the supermarket! Trees and Cedars are starting to perk up as their weighty ice melts. I think we did lose some shrubs though, and there's at least one Cedar branch broken. I suspect the air will fill with the sound of chain saws first clear day we get - which is not supposed to be for a while. Forecast calls for Rain.

I've not even come close to mastering my new D-SLR which is why the picture in the post below was taken from my phone. But I AM getting there - there are a few good pictures on the memory card so far. I especially like that it's easy to dial down or up the flash - most flash pictures look very unnatural to me - a blast of too much light. I got a great picture of Terri in the dark with just enough flash to make her clear. Very nice.

........................... Miscellaneous................................
BEATLES

I touted the Beatles LOVE album below. Here's what a friend said:

A BIG THANK YOU FOR RECOMMENDING THIS INCREDIBLE CD!!! GREAT MUSIC AND ASTOUNDING SONICS!!!!! Why can't all CDs sound like this?? Shame on the modern recording industry.

Again thanks. This will remain one of my most cherished CDs. Makes
me feel young again too!

Just remember - if you buy it - don't read the contents - just sit and listen so you can be surprised. I found myself listening with a smile.

..........................................................................
GLOBES

After watching part of the Golden Globes and all the Red Carpet crap I feel these folks are almost tragic figures. The ante to the game they play is very high. Not to mention the fall that awaits those who lose their public!

I also think Ryan Seacrest is extremely good and comfortable in his role on E (and American Idol) - he's the real deal. Great star interaction. He's quick and seems genuine.

...........................................................................
PRINCE

Can't wait to see him play at the Superbowl. I think he's in a league of his own - amazingly talented. Check the CD 3121, his latest.

............................................................................
24

Sucked me right in again. I do wish they could bring President Palmer #1 back from the dead. It hurts to see him shill Allstate Insurance during the show.

And then they let lose with the first of 5 atomic suitcase bombs. THAT.... is scary!

.............................................................................
BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA

Is back starting Sunday. It's an odd show but really well done. Gritty more than typical Sci-Fi, though it is set in space. Good acting, writing, direction. DRAMA. A long way from the Lorne Green version. Like, oh, lightyears.

HAVE A ICE DAY !

"...let's move to Texas where the weather is so much nicer than Minnesota! And the winters are warm!"

SNOW !!!

It's snowing right now. Minnesota weather has found us. We are surely doomed.

THE LUCKIEST GUY ON EARTH!!!

Me!!! I can't believe it - I am on such a winning streak! I have won almost every lottery ever run by people simply using email addresses! Where will I put or spend all that money?

And I must be on a list in Africa too, because so many there want to be my business partners. They want me to hold their money. I guess they know how much I won and I sure wouldn't steal theirs, because I don't need any more!

I'm not sure what to buy first - a neighbor has a new Bentley and it's one of the few cars that I really like. V-12 I think.

VERIZON

I've got to comment! This is so rare in today's world. I HAVE HAD NOTHING BUT GREAT EXPERIENCES WITH VERIZON people. I've had maybe 5 or 6 interactions - these are the best trained, helpful, nicest people in service today! I just bought two new phones and the guy at the mall couldn't have been more helpful. What a great representative! And the LAST guy was the same way, two years ago!

Well done, big V!

ROUGHING IT

Cabin Sweet Cabin

Last weekend we spent a few days at Bastrop State Park. Terri had rented a cabin there. Not too rustic, it had heat and hot water, but it was still a ton of fun!

Bastrop State Park is otherworldly compared to Austin, though only 50 miles away from our house. The reason? Tall pines. Here, trees are oaks and short. There, the ground is orange from pine needles everywhere. Geodes are sprinkled around, too.

We set out, confident that we had way-overpacked for our few days. Wasn't till I unpacked that I discovered I left out the, uh, toiletries (and waterproof camera case for my new camera.)

It only took a day before the toothbrushless life got to me, and we set out to find Bastrop the town. Entering the huge Wal-Mart I discovered to my delight - better donuts than we get at the local market. Donuts? You bet. Then, I grabbed a toothbrush and paste too.

Back at the cabin brushing: ACK!!! Bubblegum flavored Colgate! I hadn't read the label. Just grabbed/conquered in a manly way and split the Wal-Mart scene.

I gotta tell ya, bubblegum flavored toothpaste is like washing with mud. It's just WRONG.

At one point I was tending our outdoor fire and the charcoal grille we also had going. Night fell. Terri went inside to get the food. WILD ANIMALS were making noises near the lake behind us. I thought maybe Racoons... or...? (Later we found out - three ducks. Wild? One was domestic.)



TERRI THINKS OF ROASTED MARSHMALLOWS TO COME

Good company, books, a nice hike, and even an hour of staring at the roaring fireplace in the dark while a 'cold front' had descended on us... it all was magic.

Bastrop, by the way, is a town so small they don't have a marching band - just a car alarm.

I discovered the many ways NOT to take pictures... and a few ways to do it correctly. The new camera is very advanced with many options with which I am not yet familiar. I may post a few to this post once I get some time.



TALL TREES THAT DON'T GROW IN AUSTIN

STINKY STUFF

Re: The New York City gas smell the other day - Natural gas doesn't smell bad, if at all. There's a chemical added to stink it up; otherwise, you wouldn't know your home was about to explode. It's called mercaptan. Back in the day, when I was in high school in a much more innocent era, my friend, the high school genius, would order various chemicals for 'experiments'*. One time he acquired some mercaptan. There's something you don't want to ever get near. Whew! A little goes a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong way!

* = blowing stuff up. In today's world there'd be FBI down on his smart head. He later went on to get his Ph.D. in Physics and work on esoteric stuff. Sad to say, cancer claimed him at a young age.

I remember one day Jim was mixing some nasty explosive that you had to keep wet or the friction of simply mixing it would set it off - he was very carefully stirring a peanut butter jar full of the stuff while we watched over his shoulder. A little had dried on the lip and his stirrer hit it. Snap and spark! Jim gently put the jar down and then shook while his deodorant failed. Guardian angels are real.

BEATLES LOVE ALBUM

The project was approved by Paul, Ringo, and Those Who Matter In The Lives Of The Fab Four and/or their estates. The idea was to marry (sorry Paul, bad word there) the music of the Beatles with Cirque de Soleil with Las Vegas acting as preacher.

Sir George Martin and his son Giles were given the task. They had access to all the Beatles' master recordings. The resulting CD is out now, titled LOVE.

It's amazing. If you lilked the Beatles, you will - um, LOVE this. One warning - don't read the track list. RESIST! If you don't, you will have lots of surprises, and you'll have a ball.

Some of the songs are completely intact - I think - some are edited or remixed. Overall, it sounds as if the Beatles did parts of it, uh, Yesterday. Sorry. Proof that Tomorrow Never Knows.

This is as close to AN EXPERIENCE as a CD is going to get you. My recommendation is to get relaxed, turn out the lights... fire it up... and enjoy.

This was the most Beatle-fun I've had since the first time I heard Sgt. Pepper.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

8MP. That's right - a new camera with more resolution than I really need. 8 mega-pixels. It's a D-SLR (Digital single lens reflex) which means you don't have to hold the camera and try to compose on a tiny screen, or look through a tiny window at a tiny tv screen like on our other two digital cameras.

I will never use film again.

I have packaged up my complete collection of NIKON film camera and accessories and will probably donate to Goodwill (if they even want it!) At the local big photography store they have dozens of film cameras dirt cheap - on consignment.

I like film, but the convenience factor of unlimited pictures for free can't be topped*. In the attic we have two large boxes crammed with film pictures. How much more useful would several DVDs of same be! That's the future. It's here now.

*In High School I was the yearbook candid photographer. In order to land the lucrative prom and grad picture biz, an enterprising photographer gave the yearbook staff a camera and as much film, as many flashbulbs and all the processing we could use. That was my gig. I'm almost full circle now.

DOG PEE

You know there's a problem when your dog pees, or tries to, 40 times in one day. We lost count - the actual number is probably higher! This all happened on one day - yesterday - which caused a big worry! Jessie is completely normal in every way except for this episode.

To the vet!

How do you get a urine sample from a dog? You follow it around with a ladle and use your imagination.

Prognosis is good - a urinary tract infection. We are greatly relived, fearing surgery.

FLAT SCREEN-ITIS

Consumers gobbled up home electronics this holiday season, as quality is generally up and prices down. We keep waiting for our rear screen projector to die. The thing just keeps on going. As the World's Most Impatient Man (TM), I am extremely eager to jump to HDTV. However, there's at least one good reason to wait: technology keeps leaping ahead.

While I plan to get another rear screen projector, I have to admit the idea of a flat panel appeals to me, while the details of the current state of each display technology, don't. (If you want the lowdown check my website: www.greathometheater.com) Lo! On the horizon is another display type which they say bests plasma... it's called SED, and should be out in about a year. I won't go into technical explanations, but there are reasons why it should be superior to anything that exists yet. I don't think it's hype, either.

We did visit with some neighbors yesterday, and happened to watch the Eagles hand it to the Cowboys in HDTV on a great plasma screen. Wow. My friend puts it best: the picture is so good, it distracts you from what's going on. I say the picture is better than my vision.

Still, when you only get one of these beasts every 10 to 15 years, it makes sense to try to reach for the height of picture quality.

A SOCIAL NOTE FOR MEN

If you happen to put your underpants on inside out, or backwards, don't use a public restroom, because while searching for the hole you will brand yourself as someone who is entertaining little Elvis.

HYPOGONADISM

Tomorrow I have a voiceover session for the above. When you do commercials, it's difficult to turn down business, because the agency or producer which does X might do Y, and if they like you in X, you might get a bonanza in Y. And biz is tough enough to get at all, so turning down spots would hurt your relationship with your agent (you don't want to be known as 'difficult.')

Looking at the copy for the commercials - one radio and one TV - I note there's a person describing his problem. Sure hope I am the announcer and not the guy. It'd just be embarassing to be recognized as the guy with a, um, limp. (You DO know that the sufferer in commercials is ACTING, right?)

... and just as I posted this the first time, I got a call from my agent to book me for another spot later tomorrow. The neat thing about this line of work is you never know who will hear your work and like it (and hire you for a BIG project which can pay VERY nicely.) When I lived in San Diego, voicework was my full-time job. I had three agents; in San Diego, Orange County, and Los Angeles, and could actually live nicely on my voicework income.

Getting established in a new market is hard. That's part of why the above is good.

BAGPIPE-MANIA

The other night we were invited to a Christmas praty - and it turned out to be a good one in a really neat home. I've never seen anything like this - they had maybe 50 bottles of wine out on a table for your choice. Open and enjoy! And it was GOOD stuff, too, with very few double bottles of the same. Unfortunately I finished off a bottle of the best FIRST and nothing came close.

While at the table, I couldn't figure out where the bagpipe music was coming from. Turned out the 'room' was a tent and the floor their deck. Outside, warming up (there's a misnomer), was the sound of a bagpipe... and then a whole squad of pipers marched into the 'room' bleating away madly. They passed right by. I held my ears. Then they formed a circle about ten feet from me and all 4 (plus drum) honked away. The party had stopped to watch. I could not escape the large crowd that hemmed me in.

Here's a do-it-yourself Bagpipe: get a jet engine and fire it up while you stand there.

These were the loudest, shriekiest things I've ever heard. Later (their second set), even rooms away, you could barely hear yourself talk.

I realize these things go back ages, etc., have deep meaning for some. Sorry I can't go along for that ride.

The hosts also had a good acoustic alt-country type band. Much better.

THE BANNED CHRISTMAS LETTER

Terri dropped the bomb – she thought the Christmas letter I wrote for this year is over the top, too sarcastic or whatever. Funny, but Not What She Wants To Send Out In Her Christmas Cards. But, as promised, here it is for those who need some bob-nog.

It’s very difficult to consider Christmas when it is 82 degrees. But such is life in Texas, where the local Lowes has moved out the pesticide, ‘coon killer and snake bait, so they could replace it all with Everything Christmas™. Judging from what is hanging from their ceiling, giant inflatables will be big this year. Jolly ol’ Saint Nick is so much more Jolly ™ when he’s 20 feet high, full of air. Speaking of full of air, how about that election? Here, we “Aquied,” judging from the signs. I don’t speak the language, but I can say (and probably not spell) “necessite el banyo.” Ya gotta be prepared!

It’s been an exciting year watching the Longhorns play football. Last year, Vince Young was god. This year we all thought nobody could fill his Adidas ™. But this FRESHMAN from a little town nobody ever heard of - his name is Colt McCoy (true), and he has wowed us all. He’s set records already! His dad was his high school coach. No wonder they drafted/scholarshipped this kid onto our team – they grow ‘em here. Apparently the town he grew up in was so small they only had one traffic light, and it just flashes. I know you think I’m making this up, and that’s the charm, it IS right out of a fantasy. They don’t even have a Dairy Queen. Part of that culture is portrayed nicely in a TV show that’s probably cancelled by the time you get this, called, appropriately, Friday Night Lights. It’s about small town Texas football and how it is THE focal point of the town. If I were running a network, I think I’d put Friday Night Lights on Fridays, not Tuesdays, but that’s me.

Let us bring you up to date on the kids. Jason is doing fine and I think his second visit to the parole board will be the magic one that works for him. We’ve explained that threats don’t work well, no matter how sincere the delivery. And besides, how many people actually ever get their hearts cut out? It’s never in the news, so they should have known it was just teen adrenaline doing the spit enhanced yelling. Don’t we all sometimes have anger issues? And the self-inflicted “revenge” tat, though pointing to an artistic future and employment possibilities, perhaps wasn’t seen in the right light, either. Note to Jason: long sleeves next time!

Kari has finally found herself in school. Not that she became aware where she was, but she, we think, is coming into her own, as she grows comfortable with the taunts. We tell her it’s just jealousy. And wouldn’t you know the assistant principal, instead of helping her fit in, and being supportive, goes and accuses her of being drunk. Well, let me assure you that the new teen fragrances are hard to tell from Wild Turkey! I’m serious! (Texan for “alcohol” is “ak-a-haul.”)

Kyle found work… he’s turned around! That taxidermy school could have led down the path to doing deer (hunting is big here) but in a twist of fate, he’s working in a funeral home. And we know he was joking about putting antlers on a guy in a closed casket – what would be the point?

Our community here, behind the gates, is pretty darn affluent. Like we fit in! There are telltale signs – they leave their flood lights on all night, drive around in luxury SUVs and big trucks (trucks are big here, and they are also BIG.) You wouldn’t believe what is in their trash, either! I mean, we got half a garage sale saved up already, just from stuff we’ve found. You know what they say – “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!”

It’s been very dry this past year – the big lake is down 24 feet. I am not making this up. They have walkways down to the docks on what look like big extension things that can roll out farther and farther as the water recedes. It’s dramatic. Could be biblical, in the right hands.

The house is coming along - we’re at the stage where you look forever for the ‘right piece’ of furniture. We’ve painted several rooms and the halls and that’s helped a lot. The names of the paint colors are an inspiration! Whoever does this has a vivid imagination. PeachFuzz in MorningLight was one we chose. Also Banana Three Days Before It Turns Black. We’re toying with painting the office CoffeeStain On White Linen Suit.

Allow me to turn serious for a moment. Terri and I are fine. We love this place. Bob’s middle age crisis is almost over – at least he didn’t buy a sports car or run off with some bimbo blonde short-skirted high heel wearing cheerleader who wants to escape her small town and appreciates more mature men with great hands.

CHRISTMAS CAROLS

Up to date Christmas carols:


* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

BLOWING UP CHRISTMAS

I know they are enormously popular, and are obviously enormous at the same time... Inflatables.

In my opinion - A blight on the landscape: the Hummer of decorations. Grossly unsubtle. The visual side of playing one Christmas song repeatedly over a PA system on your front lawn. Decoration flatulence. A Visual Boombox of grotesque proportions in a world of mp3 players.

I feel better now.

There IS a clever one out there - it's a inflatable snow globe with constant snow falling inside the globe. If there have tobe these behemoths of fa la la la laaaa, then at least that one has something going for it.

If I was a teenager with hostility issues, me'n'the boys would probably drive around with air rifles looking to get us some bloated critters. But, mature dude that I am, I will simply sit at the sniper's keyboard and bitch.

HUH?

The Iraq study group released its recommendations. Now Bush the 43rd says he rejects two of their main ideas... nice. He doesn't want to have talks with Iran and Syria and doesn't want to talk about troop reductions.

What I wonder is... what is driving him? I assume it's firmly held convictions (costing us billions) - but - based on what? When these bi-partisan thinkers declare the situation dire, why does Bush insist he's still right?

Some things don't make sense. To me, Bush is one of them.

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS

Today we set out to find a real Christmas tree. I almost wrote LIVE, but by definition, without dirt, they be dead. Our "forever tree with 1049 tips" will enjoy this year of forever in the attic, in its 3 pieces, each heavy enough to herniate the carrier - me - and with enough aluminum points to gouge the walls.

So we thought we'd get a real tree. And set out to Papa Noel's tent. Papa wasn't there, but his boyz were, and the trees were pretty good. Not White House good, but apparently they trim them into perfect shapes before they put the $149 and $179 price tags on. (!!!)

Naaaa. Don't think so. Would rather go cheaper and give the money to a seasonal charity.

So we headed to HEB. HEB is the local food, etc., supermarket. The B stands for Butts. It's the guy's name - Herbert E Butts. I am sure about the BUTTS but (ha) not the Herbert.

Herb's place had $49 trees, and we loaded one.

You don't get the red plastic wrapping, you don't get the end chopped off ("We had an accident last year so now we can't do it," said the girl-tree-spokesmodel who was freezing her shapley butt off (42 degrees) in her heels and mini.... what? Oh, no, I'm okay... just went away for a sec' ... the girl with the apron and store uniform...

I drove the tree home in the trunk - even left it open. There's no place to tie it anyway, in the age of all-molded-everything on a car.

Then fired up the chainsaw, lopped an inch or so off our tree, and delivered it to our new stand.

Northerners will expect this to be the part where the Brown Recluse spiders and scorpions run out. Sorry. The tree was butticized. It ain't like that in these here parts.

MODERN MEDICINE

I had a stress test. (Marriage. Rim shot! Kidding) To get it, I had to fill out 5 pages of detail. Stuff that I've provided to my general Doc, insurance companies, etc., and which I'd rather not have in someone's physical files (ID theft worries - my SS# on every damn page!)

Why we can't just have a card or chip implant with all the data about your parents' medical history, yours, etc. on it is beyond me. The technology exists. As a chip, it could be read my those with authorized readers - paramedics, etc., when needed MOST, and I would think this coulkd be expanded to help hospitals dispense PROPER meds and not kill people with mistakes.

This will be the future, I am certain. It makes too much sense. The only question is when!

BOND, JAMES BOND

My review: a great BOND movie. Daniel Craig is perfect. Not as pretty as Brosnan, Craig's a man's man and a woman's man too! Although several elements of the plot were, I thought, a bit loose, no doubt they made cuts to trim the running time.

I didn't miss the effects at all when they showed BOND chasing a bad guy through a construction site. I think that may be the best action sequence I've seen. It's simple but fabulously exciting. No gimmick needed. Better than Indiana Jones, to my eye.
Maybe as good as the car pursuit in the French Connection. Seriously.

Irony: with such a stud lead actor, none of the women did it for me. I wish they had used Sienna Miller - Craig's ex-girlfriend... or anyone with more depth and beauty.

The title sequence looked cheap, too.

But I give it overall a 9.5 of 10.

I think Craig is more manly than any of the others after Connery and AS manly as Connery. That's saying something!

What's a bit of a head spinner is it's set int he present, but shows BOND in his early years. If you have seen the other films or read the books, you have to forget them to 'be' where the movie exists.

PS: Lake Como is beautiful in Casino Royale, as it is in real life.

SUMMER TURNS TO WINTER

79 degrees yesterday. 37 as I write this at 9AM. Minnesota Sneezed after Winnipeg caught a cold. The cold front is the worst since last February! OOoooo. Now, this is interesting to me as I lived in Montreal for 2 years (where it's colder than Minneapolis where I lived for 11 years.) I know cold. In Farenheit and Celcius.

Here in Central Texas you might have thought this was a really big deal, as the news last night had TEAM coverage!!! Here's a reporter where it's 3o something up north of here. He's behind the cold front. Oooo. Here's another guy south of the cold front, where it's 70. Oooo.

I do get that this affects all the viewers so it has some buzz. Even at the local supermarket yesterday, Terri cracked wise about 'the storm' and elicted several cackles from strangers on the aisles. But come on!

Oh, last night we had thunder. And rain. Wind. Tornado warnings.

It's raining Perspective today.

OH CRUEL CUPID

Actress Pamela Anderson and her husband, recording star Kid Rock, filed for divorce from each other on Monday after just four months of marriage, according to court papers.

First Reese then Britney and now Pammy.

My god, why can't stars twinkle together!?

This particular tragic development just cripples the hopes of so many for that happy couple.

I guess Cupid's Arrow, shot from on high, pierced Pamela's breast implant, and stopped, never making it to her heart!

PEOPLE WE COULD DO WITHOUT

...knowing what they are up to. Permanently.

OJ SIMPSON
MICHAEL JACKSON
NEWT GINGRICH
DONALD RUSMFIELD
BRITNEY SPEARS
DICK CHENEY

The OJ book/TV deal was so amazingly tawdry, it's hard to believe anyone would stoop that low. But then OJ IS that low. Said he was doing it 'for the children' - right - like killing mom?

Mikey appeared at the World Music Awards and didn't do Thriller, as expected; instead he did a couple lines from We Are The World. (Someone should do another verse: Oh God, No You Aren't!) Now someone is promoting another show where he just is there. He doesn't do anything. The man IS the creeps on legs. And you read that where ever he goes legions of fans wait anxiously. Really? What lives are THEY leading?

Newt is planning a comeback. Please, Newt, sit down and stay there.

Donald Rumsfield. Just go away. Get a job in Dubai.

Britney. Sorry, girl. The trailer is calling you home.

Dick, go away. Or get arrested and jailed for Haliburton malfeasance. Then enjoy your new roommate, Hoss.

This list could go on and on. Sad, isn't it?

TRASH TALK

We have a 350 foot long driveway. Each Tuesday I take the trash to the street. Each Wednesday (Thursday if lazy) I bring the empty can and containers back. So that's 4 trips a cycle. 52 cycles a year. In ten years I will have walked 137.87 MILES of walking the trash!

I also figured that 10 years of walking the dog is about equal to walking across the USA.

Tell both to my stomach, where the calories like to sit.

THE AMAZING UNELECTROCUTED BOB

Weekly pool water test: Uh - Oh. First time since we had our pool built that the chlorine wasn't happening. It's a salt based chlorine generation system... breaks down the salt molecule into sodium and chlorine... via electricity. Nice. No smell. And very little salt is required. So I go to pool store for more salt. "No no," sez man... What's the count?
"3000."
"You don't need salt - have you cleaned your generator?"
"Wha?"
"You have to clean the generator."
"I do?"
"Yeah. When was the last time...?"
"...uh, never?"

So, adventures in instruction manual, plumbing, electricity, acid wash (lookit all the bubbles!)

I worried that even though I thought I had turned off the power, I hadn't, and would pay the price.

Man, was that grid clogged with scale! Exactly what the man said. I dipped in it acid at precisely the correct mixture, and amazingly didn't get any on myself. Here's 5 gallons of nasty mixture waiting for me to goof. History would suggest at minimum a nice scar.

But no. I triumph. Cheat fate. Live large. Keep skin.

THE NEW BETA BLOGGER

Is needlessly complicated. WHY DO I CHANGE THINGS WHEN THEY ARE WORKING FINE? Maybe it's the "final frontier" thing? But I get sucker punched AND NEVER LEARN FROM IT! So far, I don't like one thing from this - here it comes - one way - no going back - trip!

Logging in is a pain. The input screen is pretty different from the final screen (actually better, but misleading at the same time.)

I'm out of blog gas temporarily. Drawing a blank. I guess after more than 500 postings it's okay to pause a few days. Sure as the sun rises, I will have some self-serving opinion to put out into cyberspace very soon.

Did you know Canadians celebrate their Thanksgiving in October? Different indians?

HIKE

Terri planned another great adventure - we'd drive to Bastrop State Park (about 40-50 miles away) and we'd take a hike. Temperature was that of a cold front, low 60s. Perfect!

The park is really neat - trails are nicely laid out yet people were relatively rare so it felt like we were farther out in wilderness than we were. The wind blowing through the pines was all a hush. (Pines don't start till just about that area, as you head southeast out of Austin. They are very tall and the ground is cushioned by fallen pine needles.)



We found many geodes.

No wild animals were sighted.

And when we checked in to buy our pass, we each bought walking sticks... you've probably seen these - they are nicely done up, varnished, etc. Hers was $7, mine $8. Mine saved me from at least one tripping face plant so it was well worth it.



After we finished the 4 or 5 miles, we drove to the Hyatt Lost Pines Resort (fancy!) where we had a nice lunch. Upon leaving we checked out their store. There they had walking sticks. $46 each.

"ACCIDENT FORGIVENESS"

This is a breakthrough for Allstate . Whoever came up with the concept is brilliant! The insurance company has found a way to collect more money for essentially nothing AND get credit as being super nice caring people. That's just super!

We even signed up for it.

But here's what it really is... the insurance companies are really just statistic crunchers. They know that most people will never use the foregiveness part (which is supposed to 'forgive' an accident in that they won't raise your rates because you are a safe driver.) So they crunch the numbers and figure the profit, based on those who would have their rates go up, by how much, etc., versus those who would likely not have an accident. Viola! Accident Forgiveness. More profit. Good imaging. Brilliant!

THE BIG LIE

Bush the W explained that when the reporter asked about his support of Rumsfeld the other day, even though Rummy's leaving was in the works, he gave him his 'full support for the rest of his term' to get to the next question.

Uh, that would be a lie.

If you lie, don't stop. That's the lesson here.

So now that he's been caught, why would you believe anything the man says? Maybe he should adopt the circular lie strategy: here's how it works - you admit you lie. Then your lie might be a lie, which makes it the truth. I should have been a political consultant.

Wonder what Karl Rove is saying now?

Bush is now Mister Bi-Partisan. He'd better be. (Does he seem shorter to you already?) WIll the Republicans get the message about working for the sake of the country, not the party? Will they clap at the next state of the uniono speech?

Bush reminds me of some of the corporate guys I've seen in my career, who blow into town and make these pronouncements about the great things the company will do "going forward." Of course, they don't work out that way, and nobody ever brings up the bad "initiatives."

Rush Limbaugh said he was 'tired of carrying the water for some of these guys' who got de-elected. What that means, I think, is that he is a hypocrite. An entertaining one though. I suppose the cry will now be how the democrats are not doing enough.

VOTING

Okay, this is out of sequence with the entry below. So?

Yesterday we voted. The polling place was empty, or darn close. The machines were the new electronic kind and they seemed to be very responsive and easy to use. As I was making my selections I kept hearing, in a very tiny voice, words like "Democrat." At first I thought I was imagining it. Then I thought maybe the election officials had a talk radio station on, which seemed wrong. Terri was beside me on her machine and I asked her if she heard a voice. She pointed to headphones which were hung below my machine and which were confirming my choices! We assume I used the unit for the voting-challenged.

RUMSFELD RESIGNS!

Thank GOD! But you have to wonder what caused it only days after the President's 'forever or 2008, whichever comes first' line. (Whispered voice: election results?)

Is this the work of a humbled Rove? A chastened Bush? Or a selfless Rumsfeld (ha ha ha ha ha hahaha hahahahahahahahaha!)?

When someone's mantra is "stay the course, etc.", it seems odd to me that this happened.

I know absolutely nothing about it yet. Just that it happened.

Politics is full of half-truths, untruths, greed, slime. Wasn't Bush on the news just a few days ago saying the generals were calling the shots?

The changes weren't fast enough? Maybe W wants some approval now that the Democrats are on the ascendancy.

BOOK 'EM!

Yesterday I said, "I need a book to read." There were no likely unread candidates. I looked at our meager collection of read books (many were thrown out in the move here, a year and a half ago.) In that collection was one very old (1950s) book which I know I've read 4 times already. It's about Creative Realism, and I remember it being very very 'heavy.' I had to stop and think about what various paragraphs really meant on the first go-rounds. MUCH TO MY SURPRISE so far (100+pages) it makes sense! How'd THAT happen? No, it's not because I've read it before, as each of the first 4 times were as confusing as the first time through. Maybe I'm finally ready for the message. Hope so.

Written by a Canadian MD in 1952 or so, Creative Realism is a world view on a micro and macro level. How to fully experience life. A worthy read and goal.

WASP'S LAST ACT

I spotted this twin engine wasp by the window. At first I thought it was outside, but since Terri is somewhat allergic to stings, I got closer and yes, this horrible bee was inside.

Fearlessly I whipped out my handkerchief and snapped it, sending the wasp to the floor where I picked it up with the cloth.

$$@#^&!!!!&%!@#&!! Stung, right through the cloth. How'd it know? Stung right on my right index finger (my mouse wheel finger). After a few minutes the pain went away yet TODAY the finger is swollen and hurts more than yesterday.

I describe scorpions as land wasps and haven't been stung by one of those yet but at least now I have a recent comparison.

The wasp was sighted on my hand - Terri says, "It's on your hand!" I shake it off like I've been tasered and then crush it into bee heaven or hell.

Halloween !

MOTHERLY LOVE

There's a woman locally running for a position on the court. In her TV ads she talks about her son, the NFL Quarterback.

He is.

Trouble is, he doesn't want her using his name or likeness.

They have a relationship that has "soured."

He says she got ticked when she wanted to be his agent and he wouldn't let her.

She says that's not true.

Would you vote for a mom like that? What's it have to do with administering justice? Perhaps nothing, but it doesn't feel right to me.

SHUT THE BEEPING UP!!!!!

It's begun again, after months. Our own electronic Amityville Horror. The alarm system pads have begun to beep every ten seconds. After a quick look at the controls - it cannot be stopped for more than a minute! We tried to sleep with earplugs and awakened? looking more than a little haggard. A consult with the instructions shows NOTHING that applies. The mute button doesn't. The code display doesn't display whatever is wrong.

I think the brain looks ahead... and the anticipation is as annoying as the beep.

Sure hope the service guy can get here soon.

I think Dick Cheney would enjoy this.

CLOSE, BUT NO CAR

Terri entered a Rotary club raffle 'to win me a new car.' How loving. Seriously, very very nice. $100 a ticket. Last night was the big drawing. They took all 832 entries and put them in a bowl, then chose 100. Terri's ticket made it!

Then they eliminated people out of the 100.

After 75, Terri was still in.

She made it to 50.

To 25.

To 10.

To 5.

And was 3rd.

So, no car for Bob. But it's the thought that counts. And I think #2 would be more painful than #3.

So you also won a trip to Germany to pick out your new Mercedes-Benz. So?

NICE ITS

Theoretically local CBS O&O Channel 42 will watch themselves from now on. They responded to my E mail (repeated, as even last night, some time after my first E, there were two improper spellings of "its" in the crawl under their 10PM news.)

Not really a nit. If the news operation can't spell, then we've really gone to hell.

So blame the nuns that taught me. Right is right.

Why do I care? I hate crawls. They compel me to read them. They hurt my eyes. So I read them. When they are incorrect I notice.

ODD JOB?

I came upon this: you get $250 every time you give away a free security system to someone willing to place an ADT logo near their front door.

Should be easy, shouldn't it?

What's the catch? I know there's a catch. It can't be easy. I'll bet many people think they are being scammed. Maybe they are then upsold to a high level of service, or the alarm is free, we just want the monitoring gig for a year.

Too good to be true is true. Always.

It's like computers with free printers. They give them away so you'll buy the ink cartridges!

BLIMP PILOT

Actually, it's not as good a definition as it used to be. When I was in radio programming and management for so many years, I'd describe the job as Blimp Pilot, meaning there aren't many people who DO that. (Now there are more blimps it seems.)

The radio business went very corporate and contracted. Jobs were doubled up or tripled. In my last radio work I programmed two stations for the same 'cluster' in the same city. Count that as one less blimp pilot. Then, despite success, they absorbed my job into others' jobs. Another less Blimp Pilot. But we moved away anyway.

After my internet adventures (marketing and search engine optimization, to be sold to my partner) I seek greener grass. Naturally I applied for any Blimp jobs here in Austin (no more moving, no matter what!) But there are really only 4 players here - one of which is Spanish language (gee that 5 years of German comes in handy!) So no go.

What you find is you have to figure out the value in what you did and reapply it to some other field.

I have been haunting the job boards. Some of what I've uncovered:

You can make a fortune in your spare time from home! (Or so they'd have you believe. Me, I don't. Rather work with people, too.)

Sales is king. Or there aren't many people good at it. I don't know which it is, just that there seem to be a bazillion sales openings out there. Not my first joy, but there ARE many many openings.

Here's a good one - TURNDOWN ATTENDANT. Turn down beds at hotel chain. Love the name though. Into rejection? Put it into ACTION!

Under CREW MEMBER, these words: We're Downright Nice. At Wendy's, we have a very strong set of values that everyone follows, from our CEO to our crew members. Uh, no, they didn't all drink the Kool-Aid.

I'm not looking at these jobs for ME yaunnerstand, but they are all listed together...

Entertainment is good for a few laughs (as a job category) - after all, I was in entertainment of a sort - I saw an ad looking for "4 lingerie models to walk around and make a party hotter." Right.

And so the reinvention of Bob continues. This is definitely a journey I've not taken throughout my XX years in radio... except for self-started jobs through the years - doing commercials, or syndicating special programming, or internet marketing.

YARD WORK

Today I ran the lawnmower - all 4.5 horses of it - into a stump, which stopped it dead. Since then, the blade seems to be off center, although it isn't to the naked eye. Or the other eye, covered with prescription glass. Now there's a cloud of dirt under the lawnmower where there wasn't before. I see no gouges in the earth or grass, just enormous dust clouds. Like Pigpen in Peanuts.

I remembered to unplug the spark plug before I turned the blade to test it by hand. (And I can still type.)

Later I found myself balancing between a branch and the ladder, with the chain saw over my head working on a branch. I knew this was a bad idea. I kept testing my balance and went for it successfully. Don't try this yourself. It's an accident begging.

Funny how you can get away with some things, and not others. Despite my care the other day, I managed to drip that tree-patch tarry stuff all over my favorite T-shirt. And the little voice that warned me went unheeded.

Today it looks like rain and I put on sweats. Possibly the first time since - what -last February? EARLY February at that. We enjoy reading the Minneapolis temps everyday while we enjoy our 80s and 70s.

Minnesota makes surviving the cold and snow pretty easy though. I'd get into my car, drive over our plowed driveway and street, and for the middle 8? years would pull into heated underground valet parking. All downtown buildings are interconnected with climate controlled 'skyways.'

Still, the first snow of the season might just last till March or April... it just doesn't melt. I'd rather look at Texas where even at worst, it's green in many places.

SICK DOG

Our little Jessie came back from the 'spa' - the kennel - in good spirits, but a day later, she was obviously ill - throwing up with diarrhea too. We waited a day to see if it'd pass, but it didn't (the office rug is ruined though) and to the vets we went. Her blood work was fine. Exam seemed okay too. Antibiotics and special diet have helped one end, but not the other. This morning she seemed more normal in terms of energy but is (since) obviously agitated with the heebie jeebies. I can't figure out why.

After almost 10 years with an animal you get to sense their moods and there's a silent communication.

I hear some marriages have that too.

CRAVINGS

Did you know that a craving is supposed to last only 15 minutes? The key to fighting it, they say, is to distract yourself.

So my ice cream craving - fighting conventional wisdom - is now two days long. That's the amount of time I have avoided my daily cup or two of Blue Bell ice cream. The cups are small, with raised bottoms and lips... there's even less in there than it seems at first. Calories in the cups are only about 120 for chocolate, 140 for vanilla.

But I know that a year of 100 calories is about 10 pounds of weight gain. 3000 calories to the pound - figure it out. I continue my resolve. Place your bets.

Having agreed to sell my internet biz to my partner, I find myself looking for employ... and it's a tough go so far as my radio background, though it contains decades of management, doesn't seem to fit most of the jobs I've seen advertised.

I fear that radio has such a bad taint in most minds, that my experience will be downgraded in the minds of those who hire. (My stations were not that way!)

Ready to climb back into that radio ring, I am also ready to do something completely different. I applied to lead a non-profit which spays and neuters dogs. Didn't get that one, but that's a pretty good stretch. I felt I could do some good and enjoy a whole other world (plus the dogs!)

TAKING STOCK

After the Oatmeal Brules and exotics deserts of vacation, despite walking a lot, I find my T-shirts fit somewhat tighter now. Around the middle. Could they have shrunk while we were away?

Tomorrow I visit the new doc... who seemed to be pretty thorough on my first visit. Now, after all the bloodwork and tests, I expect a formulated plan, and a flu shot, and to climb off the medication I take and onto something that works better.

I have decided to lose some weight. I post this to declare it in public, from which there is little escape, little refuge. Soon (hopefully) you'll know. I'll report. I'll resist ice cream. Candy corn. Chocolate. I'll drop the gut and by then the abs should be showing. I'm someone who tends to live for tomorrow. That makes me miss today. Instead of putting it off, I'll go for it in the now.

I have two sets of pants - 36s and 38s. That might not seem like a wide gulf to many, but to me it's the difference between proud and guilty.

Stay tuned!

FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO THE SEA

We're back.

I don't like to announce when we are about to leave, for security reasons. Paranoia left over from the 70s, I guess. But we went away for a week vacation. Much needed. My friend says "But you don't do anything to take a vacation from!" ACtually, I do, and mor eon that in later blogs. And Terri sure DOES work hard. We needeed a break and time undisturbed together.

This vacation was unlike any we've taken... and very nicely enjoyable too. We literally went from the Mountains to the Sea. Hiked the monuntains for fall color, walked the beach and in the waves of the Atlantic on Georgia's Tybee Island, outside of Savannah.

I will add to this post as time permits. Here in Austin we've come back to rain and I've been waiting for this to make the concrete-hard soil easier to manage so I can plant some seeds for the spring. I am the seed man. I plant. Birds choke back their laughs as they eat everything, and so, in sping, nothing. But I try. If you see pictures, then I finished my report. Pictures don't go into these blogs as easily as they should.

We flew Austin/Atlanta/Knoxville, Tenn. and drove through the Smokies to Asheville where we stayed at the Biltmore Inn.


Lobby of the Inn


More of the Inn


Still more

The Vanderbilt estate is the 8000 acre remnant of what once was 125,000 acres, and the estate castle (not the Inn) is the largest private residence in the US. 65 bedrooms, if memory serves.


The Biltmore Estate House/Castle


Home Sweet Home


More






We took the grand tour but no pictures inside are allowed. This was extreme... firsts in abundance. Opulence. Innovation. Grand design. It is said Vanderbilt, who made his fortune in railroads and shipping, was worth $96 Billion in today's dollars. Gold leaf on burlap wall covering in his bedroom, as one example. Giant rooms. 65 fireplaces. Napoleon's chess set, an example of priceless antiques, yes? Indoor bowling alley, swimming pool. Tapestries, art, custom everything... even refrigeration! in 1895, which was quite the thing when this house was built (I don't remember the year.) Electricity throughout... and that's in 1895.

They had a really cool tour gizmo - you wear this little electronic piece with headphones and when you enter a room you key in the code of the room and the audio explains the room, sometimes with music and sound effects. VERY professionally done, from the announcer to the whole technology. Even great fidelity.

Our Inn was on the grounds but only a few years old. It shall be forever known to me as the place with the Best Oatmeal I Ever Ate. They make it from scratch. Whatever that really means. (We think it means they grow the oats and grind? hull? them on the grounds!) It was direct from heaven. With cherries. Another day I had the Oatmeal Brule, almost as good. Sure, the steaks, etc., were wonderful too, but when something as common as oatmeal is elevated to beyond earthly delight, you are in a rare place!

One afternoon we had a Tortolini which was among the several best meals I have ever eaten.




The Blue Ridge Parkway runs about 300 miles up and down the Smokey Mountains and we did maybe 50 miles one way and back. It's beautifully maintained (The fine $1000 for roadside litter!) and quite the adventure as vista after vista await around every corner. We ate at Mt Pisqua with a stunning view.







We then drove to the highest point in the eastern US. It's on the Blue Ridge Parkway. I would have thought the north east could top it (Mt. Washington comes to mind), but I don't write the advertsing copy. It was over a mile high and the leaves were aflame that high.

Fall smells like a pencil sharpener full of shavings.

Over our week, we saw a satellite, dolphins, a badger, deer, steer, freighters, rabbits, fields of cotton, tobacco and we think peanuts... little shacks and trailers on blocks with the proverbial rusty cars, a 250 year old live oak, spanish moss drapings, and antebellum mansions. We drove through some really rural really southern towns (at the speed limit.) We drove 120 miles of road construction ("Fines double - $100 minimum") and saw clay as red as, uh, almost as red, as the confederate flag which we saw at the recruitment location for the Sons of the Confederacy.

Several freighters came upriver right by our hotel in Savannah.




But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Biltmore Estate.
This is like a manicured farm. Now get this - when built, the fields were all barren. The architect had millions of trees planted. By today they are magificent and cover many of the hills in splendor. Words don't really do them justice. GIANT trees. A vision realized. Frederick Law Olmstead was the man behind it all - and also the man who designed notable spaces from Central Park to Montreal's Mount Royal (thus the name in english). Oh - and DC... and so much more (look him up: Here's his story
My pictures cannot compete with the professional ones. Take your pick of the links if you want more.

We found this funky (great) restaurant in Asheville on the last night - we were seated in the window. There I had The Best Margarita I've Ever Had - something with berry juice and fresh lime, the glass rimmed in sugar. We watched a hip couple share a joint just outside the window. "Asheville," get it? The place was packed. I had veal meatballs in some sort of bean soup. Hard to describe what Terri had, but it too was incredible.

Asheville itself is somewhat run down. Not cool run-down. Junky run-down. We expected an artist community (and one of the best places to retire, according to books we had read before we uncovered Austin) but it's just unimpressive in any way. Sorry, Asheville. Nice geography. Run down hodge podge design.

Then we drove to Augusta. Having seen the beauty of the Masters golf tournemant every year, we thought the city must be a garden of eden. Wrong. Augusta looks like a war or flood zone after the troops and water have left town (and we can't blame them!) Literally every other storefront on the main street downtown - EVERY OTHER STOREFRONT - is empty or boarded up. Zero charm. Disgusta.

We did find some nice mansions on a hill, but even one house away from the hill (on sidestreets) the neighborhoods deteriorated notably. Happily, we left after one overnight.

By the way - cars throughout the south tailgate. I think they are NASCAR fans who are actually DRAFTING! It's like they want to get on your car-butt and hang there!

Savannah. WOW.




Now here's what you think of when you think classy southern city. We walked and walked and enjoyed the historic district, the victorian district, the river walk (there are even paint color codes now) and the city was alive with tourists. Savannah has some long legs into history and was once one of three places on the planet where the price of cotton was set. Some of riverwalk was built form stones used as ballast on ships.







One of our adventures took us to a restaurant that used to feature big bands... had been around for a LONG time. Our waiter was a nice kid who was lost in space... they were out of this or that, apologies, etc. Then he disappeared. Turns out (said his replacement who noted they DID have the lobster special) that over time his neighborhood had deteriorated, and since his dad kept calling the police (say it: "PO-lice") to report the local drug activity, the local drug bad guys shot up his house right while the waiter was waiting on us, hit his father, and his dad had been ambulanced to the hospital... no further report.

We did no sightseeing after dinner. This was a few miles from downtown.

Savannah was friendly, with great atmosphere and food. However the wind must have been blowing from the refineries down to the city because there was a sulfurous smell that was tough to ignore all the time. Like a fart in an elevator. I feel compelled to point it out since on a tour, it almost made me nauseous, but overall, we loved the city. Here's a city with vision both forward and backward as they have preserved their heritage.




Here is a city with charm. And 20 miles away, the Atlantic ocean... Where I immediately became a kid again, and while Terri sat, took a long walk through the wavelets like I did as a kid.





A stark reminder of coastal living.

Friday, Terri's brother and sister in law drove up from Jacksonville for a nice breakfast visit.




Throughout the trip, since our mountain-to-sea 650+ miles were by car through towns small and smaller, we came to ask how and why. How could this town happen? Why were these people still living here? What did they do? Answers we'll never know. Our big city ways don't understand the slow pace and familiarity of small town life, where generations live out their chapters under the spread of a large oak.

We flew back through Atlanta. On the flight to Austin was the body of a soldier slain in Iraq.

THE AMISH TEACH US

Watching the reverence of the news reports from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, reporting the sad story of the Amish school children held hostage and killed, it strikes me that THIS Amish world is the America we could all stand to be. I sense that the loss is greater than that of the children. It's possibly the last loss of innocence of this country as the war, the festering political scandals, Katrina aftermath, pork/waste, special interests, and you name it... form a scab on what were once high ideals of the founding fathers.

You read about the president's low ratings. But congress rates even lower (about half of the POTUS.) Scum might rate higher.

I can't tell if it's my awareness that is growing or the slime is everywhere.

The Amish still have the sense of community, faith, and simple values which are serving as a beacon for those who notice. A guest at the first funeral was the wife of the killer.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Two computers in the same house looking at same website I built. One sees pictures, the other doesn't. The pictures are on the computer that doesn't see them, NOT on the one that does. They are in the folders of the website on the server. If you 'get it' you are ahead of me.

---

On the radio, a commercial today: "Ever wonder how Columbus felt? Now you can. At Lowes Columbus Day Sale..." Uh, that means you can wonder what Columbus felt at Lowes. Now why would you want to feel like Columbus did? That "water and where the $#$@#! is land" feeling. The "those boys look like scurvy!" feeling. The "what rhymes with mutiny?" feelings? The "Isabella must be laughing now" feeling.

---

In my first radio job we'd get off the air and have to do commercials. My first mistake: I did 5 or 6 for Montgomery Wards but at the end for some reason I said "Use your SEARS card." I was called on the carpet and was chagrined and went to redo them. A half hour later they were complete. And said exactly what I said wrong the first time. Why, I don't know.

---

Did you see pictures of the smaller jet that apparently hit or was hit by the jet that crashed into the jungle? Those folks in the smaller plane were very lucky!

---

The Woodward book on Bush apparently paints W as a boob.

And I don't know who scares me more - Ms. Rice or Clinton.

---

I am selling my internet biz interests to my partner and as he buys me out am looking for greener pastures. I'll report on the search. It has proven interesting so far.

FIRE!!!

When we moved, the movers wouldn't take anything pressurized. I guess they don't want any possibility of something exploding or spraying inside the load. Can't say I blame them, but we lost our fire extinguishers in that rule. Probably just as well, they were 10 years old.

Zipping through Home Depot here one day, I was transfixed by the hot red fire trucks, I mean, extinguishers, and thought, well, these are things you sure wouldn't NOT want to have bought when you need one. Good rationalization.

I got three. Two for downstairs and one upstairs.

We have a lamp upstairs which needs some work on it - the thing that holds the light socket is loose, the switch on the cord is iffy. Terri says it's time to fix it, and takes it out. She replaces it with a new, good lamp from downstairs. Temporarily.

Last night (the days ARE getting shorter) I try that out, but it won't light. Check outlet, plug, switch... must be the bulb (even though it worked fine downstairs.) I ask Terri to bring a replacement and she does. While I watch TV, Terri unscrews the old bulb and screws in the replacement, turns the little knob on the side of the lamp. Zapping noises - a loud long buzz, and from behind the shade, flashes and what must be sparking. Terri jumps back. Flames now are shooting above the rim of the cloth shade. I grab the extinguisher, am ready to spray it as the flames diminish. Acrid electrical-fire smell is now wafting everywhere. Terri pulls the plug. We cautiously peer over the shade (amazingly, not on fire.) And I blow out the remaining small flame coming from the socket.

When the flames were at their peak, I thought... so that's how it happens... this will set the shade on fire and that will be a big flame and might set the woodwork on fire or even fall onto the couch... and the house is very seriously on fire.

...and I was very VERY glad I bought that fire extinguisher.

My only guess is that the bulb Terri screwed in was somehow broken at the insulator or the lamp had shorted out - certainly it WAS a short. Don't know why the circuit breaker didn't break. I guess there wasn't enough smoke (just stink) to fire the smoke alarm.

I post with a strong suggestion that you too buy fire extinguishers with the hope you never experience the feeling I had as I cradled the cylinder in my arms, about to pull the pin, aim the nozzle, and squeeze the trigger. But if you do, you'll know you did the right thing!