Knowing we'd be virtually cut off, I TiVoed the first 10 minutes of national news each night. I figured if important, it would be covered there, before the commercials. Wow. For days it was CHENEY SHOT THE OLD GUY WHILE HUNTING (an attorney from Austin, btw, for any out of towners.) Then it was CHENEY SILENT ON SHOOTING, LOCAL WOMAN BREAKS NEWS TO PRESS (by CHENEY's request - ?!) Then they seemed to blame the guy he shot for not announcing his presence, then they backed away from that. Finally, CHENEY admitted his awful day and his responsibility.
Color me naive. Bird -- man. Not the same. Bird flies over background you can't see clearly, hold your shot. And don't these guys wear flame orange?
I don't think CHENEY meant to shoot a person. But I think the way he handled the aftermath, and the way he seemed to duck and cover, should at the very least, ban him from Cabellas for life.
This administration apparently thinks wingtips are birds anyway, as they keep shooting themselves in their own feet.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
ST. LUCIA
And the Grenadines in the West Indies. That's where we chartered a crewed sailboat (a 55 foot monohull) and to our good fortune, the other passenger (on a stateroom package plan) was snowed in by the blizzard in NYC and so we had the boat to ourselves for a very wonderful and romantic adventure in the finest area!
By the way, a 55 foot sailboat is called a sailing yacht.
I'll figure out a way to post many pictures over the next few days, perhaps on a companion site, and do a serious write up. I can also give an intelligent comparison on my twin cameras now... the slr/film vs digital point and shoot. (Each has merits and negs.)
We sailed through 50 knot winds, by the way. Loved it! Terri cashed in our frequent flyer miles and we went first class, too (comments on that will follow once the jet lag allows better typing... it ain't what it used to be, but is still good!)
So, as I wrote, we're back, and I will be loading this blog with more. (COME BACK SOON AND OFTEN!) It's so odd to be completely cut off from news (by choice) and no doubt will have much to say on THAT (like WHAT WERE THEY THINKING to allow ports to be controlled by an Arab company? Hey, even if squeaky clean, that's just BAD PR. Bush and his cronies have once again showed lack of savvy!)
FIRST CLASS
Now THAT'S the way to fly. But not if you personally have to pay for it! What you get: earlier boarding. Then you get hit by many bags as large people move masses of gear-in-containers to the rear. What you get: wider seats, 2-by-2. What you may get: two coughing guys right behind you. What you can get: free drinks. I had diet coke, but others were drinking what appeared to be booze. What you get: a movie on longer flights. I watched a chick flick (Elizabethtown) but I blame it on the tranquilizer I took because I am a nervous traveler. It always gripes me that when they show a movie they ask people to shut their shades. Movies I can see when I want. Flying at 30 some thousand feet over (in our case, the launch pads at Cape Canaveral, you don't get to see often.) Clearly planes need flat screen TVs and not early 80s front screen projection which requires darkness. What you don't get, not even from Puerto Rico to Atlanta, a flight of almost 4 hours - FOOD! Nope. You can eat crackers or pretzels or some sort of cookie.
Oh - you get quicker access to the first class bathroom. That's good.
And when the pilot takes a potty break, they block the aisle with what used to be a food cart. Security. Fine with me.
SECURITY
You can call me shallow. When we flew out of Austin, there was a guy on board wearing a Turban, with an Osama-type beard and what I thought were shifty eyes. I was hoping they were darn EXTRAcareful screening him. Later I wondered if I am racist. Guess what? I don't care. Better safe than sorry. When they tell me to take off my shoes for X-Ray, I do, gladly. Check the guy in the turban. HE should be glad they do, too.
THE PITONS
I will post pictures soon. These are former volcanoes and behind them is an active one. We moored for two nights - first and last - beneath all. When the breeze blew in the right direction, the sulfur smelled like a just-lit match. Now I will have forever reminders of the fumaroles.
One night the breeze blew another way and the unmistakable scent of GANJA wafted over from another boat. Moorings, our charter company, warns you in the first 10 minutes aboard - there are to be no drugs, though they are apparently available. More on the Ganja farm we saw WAY UP a mountain (from the sea below) later.
By the way, a 55 foot sailboat is called a sailing yacht.
I'll figure out a way to post many pictures over the next few days, perhaps on a companion site, and do a serious write up. I can also give an intelligent comparison on my twin cameras now... the slr/film vs digital point and shoot. (Each has merits and negs.)
We sailed through 50 knot winds, by the way. Loved it! Terri cashed in our frequent flyer miles and we went first class, too (comments on that will follow once the jet lag allows better typing... it ain't what it used to be, but is still good!)
So, as I wrote, we're back, and I will be loading this blog with more. (COME BACK SOON AND OFTEN!) It's so odd to be completely cut off from news (by choice) and no doubt will have much to say on THAT (like WHAT WERE THEY THINKING to allow ports to be controlled by an Arab company? Hey, even if squeaky clean, that's just BAD PR. Bush and his cronies have once again showed lack of savvy!)
FIRST CLASS
Now THAT'S the way to fly. But not if you personally have to pay for it! What you get: earlier boarding. Then you get hit by many bags as large people move masses of gear-in-containers to the rear. What you get: wider seats, 2-by-2. What you may get: two coughing guys right behind you. What you can get: free drinks. I had diet coke, but others were drinking what appeared to be booze. What you get: a movie on longer flights. I watched a chick flick (Elizabethtown) but I blame it on the tranquilizer I took because I am a nervous traveler. It always gripes me that when they show a movie they ask people to shut their shades. Movies I can see when I want. Flying at 30 some thousand feet over (in our case, the launch pads at Cape Canaveral, you don't get to see often.) Clearly planes need flat screen TVs and not early 80s front screen projection which requires darkness. What you don't get, not even from Puerto Rico to Atlanta, a flight of almost 4 hours - FOOD! Nope. You can eat crackers or pretzels or some sort of cookie.
Oh - you get quicker access to the first class bathroom. That's good.
And when the pilot takes a potty break, they block the aisle with what used to be a food cart. Security. Fine with me.
SECURITY
You can call me shallow. When we flew out of Austin, there was a guy on board wearing a Turban, with an Osama-type beard and what I thought were shifty eyes. I was hoping they were darn EXTRAcareful screening him. Later I wondered if I am racist. Guess what? I don't care. Better safe than sorry. When they tell me to take off my shoes for X-Ray, I do, gladly. Check the guy in the turban. HE should be glad they do, too.
THE PITONS
I will post pictures soon. These are former volcanoes and behind them is an active one. We moored for two nights - first and last - beneath all. When the breeze blew in the right direction, the sulfur smelled like a just-lit match. Now I will have forever reminders of the fumaroles.
One night the breeze blew another way and the unmistakable scent of GANJA wafted over from another boat. Moorings, our charter company, warns you in the first 10 minutes aboard - there are to be no drugs, though they are apparently available. More on the Ganja farm we saw WAY UP a mountain (from the sea below) later.
Friday, February 10, 2006
JESSICA KNOWS
Jessie, our cocker spaniel, knows something is up - she hasn't quite been herself all week since the luggage and summer clothes appeared in stacks as Terri readies us for the trip to the Caribbean. I thought dogs weren't supposed to have great memories.
It's interesting to see how she's been playing us - not that we are that pliable (NOT MUCH! HA!). She's got CUTE turned up all the way and even seemed to fake a limp, pre-walk yesterday. I say "fake" because she pulled off the act before we left the house, but was fine for a long walk, and after.
We took her for a ride to the store the other evening after all this started and she was shivering in the car as if the ride was to a bad place.
Today she played with one of her toys more than I've ever seen.
Terri has found what we think is a better kennel than the one she's been to in the past, though the old one seemed to be a happy place for her. To us, it seemed dirty and smelly.
Today is the day I start to collect my trip-items and find the missing whatevers. Tomorrow we get up at 3AM and I stress till we are on the plane.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
THE GREAT SPELL CHECK CHALLENGE
Austin, Texas. February 9, 2006.
Today, Bob Wood, President of Internet-Marketing-Advisors, announced the creation of the first of a series of competitions to be held in successive years: The Great Spell Check Challenge in which participants are asked to create a 100 word (minimum) story which remains both coherent and highly creative while using nothing but UNRECOGNIZED Google spell-check words.
"I think the "the" and "a" will stymie a lot of people. It's tough to tell a story without the "grout" that hold the word tiles together," said Wood.
First prize is $1.00
"It isn't the prize, but the accomplishment," said Wood, who noted that each year Google will grow smarter and contestants will have to delve deeper into thesauruses (not recognized by Google spell check) to keep entries on track.
Entrants my post their entries as comments on this post. They should include an E-Mail address (or "Eddress" - not recognized by Google spell check) should they be declared winner.
Deadline for entries: March 31.
Entries will be judged by usage of non-recognized words, and creativity. Entries must be posted in English. No medical terms will be allowed. By entering, contestants recognize right of Bob Wood to publicize their entries in any medium.
Today, Bob Wood, President of Internet-Marketing-Advisors, announced the creation of the first of a series of competitions to be held in successive years: The Great Spell Check Challenge in which participants are asked to create a 100 word (minimum) story which remains both coherent and highly creative while using nothing but UNRECOGNIZED Google spell-check words.
"I think the "the" and "a" will stymie a lot of people. It's tough to tell a story without the "grout" that hold the word tiles together," said Wood.
First prize is $1.00
"It isn't the prize, but the accomplishment," said Wood, who noted that each year Google will grow smarter and contestants will have to delve deeper into thesauruses (not recognized by Google spell check) to keep entries on track.
Entrants my post their entries as comments on this post. They should include an E-Mail address (or "Eddress" - not recognized by Google spell check) should they be declared winner.
Deadline for entries: March 31.
Entries will be judged by usage of non-recognized words, and creativity. Entries must be posted in English. No medical terms will be allowed. By entering, contestants recognize right of Bob Wood to publicize their entries in any medium.
FAT VERSUS YOGURT
An eight-year scientific study in America has concluded that you might as well eat a bacon sandwich as a low-fat yoghurt if you want to stay healthy. Yogurt is the easier to spell version of yoghurt, and said to be less hurtful without the 'hurt' part.
Medical researchers in the United States who set out to demonstrate that a low-fat diet will reduce the risks of cancer and heart attacks were struggling yesterday to hide their disappointment. The results from their eight-year, government-funded study are in - and they show no such thing. "There is no monster under the bed, or even in the closet," said an unnamed spokesperson, between mouthfuls of bacon.
While this may be good news for lovers of butter and fans of bacon sandwiches for breakfast, it will surely befuddle the millions of health-conscious consumers around the globe who for years have skipped from one low-fat fad to the next in search of the perfect recipe for health, longevity and, of course, a tauter tummy.
"It was the Rolls Royce of studies," agreed Dr Michael Thun of the American Cancer Society. The results, far removed from what the experts had expected, were reported yesterday by the Journal of the American Medical Association, in an issue sponsored by Rolls Royce, "first choice of Plastic Surgeons nationwide."
But before everyone dives for the chocolates, some skeptics - and some of its authors - point to potential problems with the study, notably that it did nothing to distinguish between different kinds of fat. "Bacon isn't exactly a slab of ribs or a handful of Crisco," said Dr. David Hemmings. "Let's see Cameron Diaz after a couple years of eating pork slabs! I think she'd be in Tyne Daily territory, if you catch my drift. Probably with chest pain. And what exactly is yogurt anyway? It isn't milk, it isn't cheese, it's active bacteria in a goo, that's what it is. It's a little bit sour, like cow milk pudding in a plasma state. Yogurt is the Dick Cheney of dairy!"
Medical researchers are now said to be investigating the causes of ugliness in American adults, looking for a correlation between Birkenstocks and white socks.
Medical researchers in the United States who set out to demonstrate that a low-fat diet will reduce the risks of cancer and heart attacks were struggling yesterday to hide their disappointment. The results from their eight-year, government-funded study are in - and they show no such thing. "There is no monster under the bed, or even in the closet," said an unnamed spokesperson, between mouthfuls of bacon.
While this may be good news for lovers of butter and fans of bacon sandwiches for breakfast, it will surely befuddle the millions of health-conscious consumers around the globe who for years have skipped from one low-fat fad to the next in search of the perfect recipe for health, longevity and, of course, a tauter tummy.
"It was the Rolls Royce of studies," agreed Dr Michael Thun of the American Cancer Society. The results, far removed from what the experts had expected, were reported yesterday by the Journal of the American Medical Association, in an issue sponsored by Rolls Royce, "first choice of Plastic Surgeons nationwide."
But before everyone dives for the chocolates, some skeptics - and some of its authors - point to potential problems with the study, notably that it did nothing to distinguish between different kinds of fat. "Bacon isn't exactly a slab of ribs or a handful of Crisco," said Dr. David Hemmings. "Let's see Cameron Diaz after a couple years of eating pork slabs! I think she'd be in Tyne Daily territory, if you catch my drift. Probably with chest pain. And what exactly is yogurt anyway? It isn't milk, it isn't cheese, it's active bacteria in a goo, that's what it is. It's a little bit sour, like cow milk pudding in a plasma state. Yogurt is the Dick Cheney of dairy!"
Medical researchers are now said to be investigating the causes of ugliness in American adults, looking for a correlation between Birkenstocks and white socks.
ST. LUCIA
In a few days we will fly to Atlanta, then Puerto Rico then St. Lucia. St. Lucia is patron saint of bald men. We will board a sailboat and sail the warm seas for some days, in search of relaxation.
This is the xxth time we've done same. We are having a time trying to remember all the cruises and sailings. Something like 17, but I'm not sure.
BTW: The house will have someone watching it very closely (maybe from the inside!) so no hi-jinx! He's a good shot.
St. Lucia has what they call the Pitons, two big pointy mountain-like things that look like Madonna earlier in her career, lying on her back.
I am taking the digital camera as my "main" camera with room for 700+ pictures in full size and fine resolution. I may post one or two when we return. Since so much time is spent on the water, I doubt very much there will be the opportunity to even take that many, especially since you can review and erase bad ones... but, inspired by my friend Geoff, who took 1700 shots on his recent large-ship cruise, I will try.
This is our first real vacation in a few years, as all our time was spent looking at cities across the country for the best place to settle down after so many years when jobs pulled us this way and that; nomads, really. Then there were trips to look at the house being built on the lot we bought (for investment or use.) To our great pleasure, it turned out to be use.
Terri is a wonderful organizer. She handles everything and I tag along. I believe she enjoys the search for the right trips while I'm not that much into that part.
This will serve as our 20th wedding anniversary, too, though we'll miss it by two weeks. We surely will count our blessings for having each other!
I'll post something tomorrow, then be off line for a while. Please come back on the 21st as I should be web-cooking again by then.
This is the xxth time we've done same. We are having a time trying to remember all the cruises and sailings. Something like 17, but I'm not sure.
BTW: The house will have someone watching it very closely (maybe from the inside!) so no hi-jinx! He's a good shot.
St. Lucia has what they call the Pitons, two big pointy mountain-like things that look like Madonna earlier in her career, lying on her back.
I am taking the digital camera as my "main" camera with room for 700+ pictures in full size and fine resolution. I may post one or two when we return. Since so much time is spent on the water, I doubt very much there will be the opportunity to even take that many, especially since you can review and erase bad ones... but, inspired by my friend Geoff, who took 1700 shots on his recent large-ship cruise, I will try.
This is our first real vacation in a few years, as all our time was spent looking at cities across the country for the best place to settle down after so many years when jobs pulled us this way and that; nomads, really. Then there were trips to look at the house being built on the lot we bought (for investment or use.) To our great pleasure, it turned out to be use.
Terri is a wonderful organizer. She handles everything and I tag along. I believe she enjoys the search for the right trips while I'm not that much into that part.
This will serve as our 20th wedding anniversary, too, though we'll miss it by two weeks. We surely will count our blessings for having each other!
I'll post something tomorrow, then be off line for a while. Please come back on the 21st as I should be web-cooking again by then.
IPod classes
A department store in London is offering 45 minute IPod classes (as in how to operate) for $115.
Heck, me too.
What's next? Some people just can't cope with tech.
For instance:
My mother couldn't figure out the new microwave oven - she was widowed by then, and in her 80s. "There are no buttons!" she said. I explained that the buttons were on the front that they just looked like numbers and you press on the numbers. She couldn't handle that thought and back it went.
And:
I once had a call from Terri's boss in San Diego (long ago.) It was late one evening, a weekend. He was under the influence of some substance/s. He wanted my help (I had never met him) in getting his stereo to work - he knew from Terri I was into such things. I talked him through the steps... nothing worked. "Is it plugged into the wall?" I asked. Pause. Wait for it... "You're A GENIUS Bob!!!"
Heck, me too.
What's next? Some people just can't cope with tech.
For instance:
My mother couldn't figure out the new microwave oven - she was widowed by then, and in her 80s. "There are no buttons!" she said. I explained that the buttons were on the front that they just looked like numbers and you press on the numbers. She couldn't handle that thought and back it went.
And:
I once had a call from Terri's boss in San Diego (long ago.) It was late one evening, a weekend. He was under the influence of some substance/s. He wanted my help (I had never met him) in getting his stereo to work - he knew from Terri I was into such things. I talked him through the steps... nothing worked. "Is it plugged into the wall?" I asked. Pause. Wait for it... "You're A GENIUS Bob!!!"
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
ANYBODY NOTICE?
--- That "H" in CSI Miami only speaks in 2,3,4 and sometimes 5 word sentences. I mean, that's IT! Also that when he gives "the look," he looks like a camel?
--- That in American Idol they must sing more than one song since the show shows auditioners ALSO singing the same song, i.e.: last night it was JOY TO THE WORLD? And one guy then goes, after someone else is edited in, singing, "JOY TO THE WORLD," he continues, "The Loroord hassss commmmeeeeee..." No, dude, they wanted the 3 Dog Night one.
--- And if the auditoners are the ones they SHOW out of the thousands who try out at each location, how bad must the others be?
--- the price of gas is up again?
--- That the typical response of white collar or congressional slime caught is to accuse the accusers of agendas.
--- That OJ hasn't caught the murderer.
--- That THE SHIELD is incredible TV?
--- That the flying camera and yellow first down electronic line have really improved football coverage. Neither are new, but the flying camera is getting better and better! And the yellow line is indispensable.
--- That Candace Bergen on Boston Legal is packing on the pounds?
--- That Alias is going off the air?
--- That Clear Channel is really plugging the HD channels that about nobody can receive?
--- That Howard Stern needs someone to rail against, now that he can do whatever he wants. Could he turn into a political force? Before you say no, think of the population which shows up for American Idol auditions! At what point does Howard (52?) become a dirty old man/perv?
--- That the phone companies want to double dip - i.e., get paid by the user and the networks like Google, too?
--- That SKYPE revolutionizes communication?
--- That Apple has an even lower priced IPod out now?
--- That in American Idol they must sing more than one song since the show shows auditioners ALSO singing the same song, i.e.: last night it was JOY TO THE WORLD? And one guy then goes, after someone else is edited in, singing, "JOY TO THE WORLD," he continues, "The Loroord hassss commmmeeeeee..." No, dude, they wanted the 3 Dog Night one.
--- And if the auditoners are the ones they SHOW out of the thousands who try out at each location, how bad must the others be?
--- the price of gas is up again?
--- That the typical response of white collar or congressional slime caught is to accuse the accusers of agendas.
--- That OJ hasn't caught the murderer.
--- That THE SHIELD is incredible TV?
--- That the flying camera and yellow first down electronic line have really improved football coverage. Neither are new, but the flying camera is getting better and better! And the yellow line is indispensable.
--- That Candace Bergen on Boston Legal is packing on the pounds?
--- That Alias is going off the air?
--- That Clear Channel is really plugging the HD channels that about nobody can receive?
--- That Howard Stern needs someone to rail against, now that he can do whatever he wants. Could he turn into a political force? Before you say no, think of the population which shows up for American Idol auditions! At what point does Howard (52?) become a dirty old man/perv?
--- That the phone companies want to double dip - i.e., get paid by the user and the networks like Google, too?
--- That SKYPE revolutionizes communication?
--- That Apple has an even lower priced IPod out now?
Monday, February 06, 2006
SUPER BOWL
I enjoyed it, though not nearly as much as the Rosebowl. Now THAT was a game for the ages! But, nice to see the Steelers win. Too bad the Seahawks were so bad.
I remain amazed at the money spent on commercials which lack punch, sell, or any hook at all. JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DO SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD! There must be some great salespeople selling these concepts to those who pay for them! Too bad that salespersonship isn't translated to the screen. So many SO WHAT ads this year! Carefully crafted EXPENSIVELY made SO WHAT ads!
My favorite: The Cavemen for FedEx. Unlike many spots, I can remember who it was for. It was wonderfully executed.
Second favorite: The Budweiser pony that 'pulled' the wagon out of the barn. Cute, withy a great sell at the end.
Third favorite: Sprint ad for cell phone with THEFT DETERRENT - where the guy throws the phone at and hits the other guy in the head with his phone.
Fourth favorite - Brilliant execution - the DISNEY WORLD spot. Any commercial that can get their sponsor name in so many times as effectively has yet to be seen!
Among the many that didn't score - Burger King Whopperettes - a big production number that didn't work for me because it wasn't absurd enough. That's the only way that would have worked. Not that it would have enhanced the brand. And the Burger King creeps me out. See the posts several below this one for more on that.
ABC gets bad marks for poor audio in pregame. The whole Stevie Wonder thing was VERY poorly executed.
I don't mind Michaels and Madden, but the rest of the crew prove to me, the superiority of FOX when it comes to football.
Mick Jagger and the Stones had a slightly better audio mix than Stevie et. al. but not by much. Mick - at his age - is amazing in his energy. That alone was the show.
I can't believe it would have been that hard to get the job done better in this age of digital consoles with memory settings. There WAS a rehearsal, wasn't there?
The Superbowl is as much about its own self-serving hype as it is a championship. Too bad.
I remain amazed at the money spent on commercials which lack punch, sell, or any hook at all. JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DO SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD! There must be some great salespeople selling these concepts to those who pay for them! Too bad that salespersonship isn't translated to the screen. So many SO WHAT ads this year! Carefully crafted EXPENSIVELY made SO WHAT ads!
My favorite: The Cavemen for FedEx. Unlike many spots, I can remember who it was for. It was wonderfully executed.
Second favorite: The Budweiser pony that 'pulled' the wagon out of the barn. Cute, withy a great sell at the end.
Third favorite: Sprint ad for cell phone with THEFT DETERRENT - where the guy throws the phone at and hits the other guy in the head with his phone.
Fourth favorite - Brilliant execution - the DISNEY WORLD spot. Any commercial that can get their sponsor name in so many times as effectively has yet to be seen!
Among the many that didn't score - Burger King Whopperettes - a big production number that didn't work for me because it wasn't absurd enough. That's the only way that would have worked. Not that it would have enhanced the brand. And the Burger King creeps me out. See the posts several below this one for more on that.
ABC gets bad marks for poor audio in pregame. The whole Stevie Wonder thing was VERY poorly executed.
I don't mind Michaels and Madden, but the rest of the crew prove to me, the superiority of FOX when it comes to football.
Mick Jagger and the Stones had a slightly better audio mix than Stevie et. al. but not by much. Mick - at his age - is amazing in his energy. That alone was the show.
I can't believe it would have been that hard to get the job done better in this age of digital consoles with memory settings. There WAS a rehearsal, wasn't there?
The Superbowl is as much about its own self-serving hype as it is a championship. Too bad.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
GREAT NEIGHBORS!
Last night when I went to take the dog out, there was a off-road go-cart sitting at the end of our walk with a note on it from our neighbors. Basically, the note said their son was ill, he wouldn't miss it, and that Terri and I should go have a good time today!
We sure did! We went all over the back of this development which is closed for reconstruction of roads and lot sitings, etc. We went everywhere! I was 14 again. At 14 I would have given anything for such a vehicle!
What wonderfully generous neighbors!
And to prove our good fortune, after miles and miles of off road, we ran out of gas only 100 feet from their driveway as we returned the Scorpion (the brand name.)
We sure did! We went all over the back of this development which is closed for reconstruction of roads and lot sitings, etc. We went everywhere! I was 14 again. At 14 I would have given anything for such a vehicle!
What wonderfully generous neighbors!
And to prove our good fortune, after miles and miles of off road, we ran out of gas only 100 feet from their driveway as we returned the Scorpion (the brand name.)
Friday, February 03, 2006
THAT SINKING FEELING.
Did you ever take a test when after you scanned it you got THE SINKING FEELING that you were LOST, just absolutely LOST? I have. That partly explains my 5 years of college in 4 years. The fifth year, summers, all... were in retaking courses I flunked, and in courses for my new major after my initial one proved, uh, not for me.
Today I got THAT SINKING FEELING once more... my internet-marketing-advisors website build is stalled between two service/program providers, neither of which are what I want, exactly, and I don't have the ability to modify their code. (Why?) Because it doesn't reside on my computer - it's on the server, and I'm afraid to go mess with that.
So I E mail the 'customer service' and wait and wait.
There's so much wrong that I can't fix.
I've taught myself many tricks of HTML source code and can usually figure out what needs to be edited. So that boosts my confidence AND frustration when I can't futz the darn margins, content, forms, images, etc.
Soon though. I will not be beaten.
Today I got THAT SINKING FEELING once more... my internet-marketing-advisors website build is stalled between two service/program providers, neither of which are what I want, exactly, and I don't have the ability to modify their code. (Why?) Because it doesn't reside on my computer - it's on the server, and I'm afraid to go mess with that.
So I E mail the 'customer service' and wait and wait.
There's so much wrong that I can't fix.
I've taught myself many tricks of HTML source code and can usually figure out what needs to be edited. So that boosts my confidence AND frustration when I can't futz the darn margins, content, forms, images, etc.
Soon though. I will not be beaten.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH - what I'd like to hear.
First of all, I'd like someone other than Bush to deliver it.
"My fellow Americans, this isn't going to be a usual speech. I am required to give a report to the nation and I will, but I'll go beyond that.
The state of the nation is this: we can do better. We are politically and ideologically split. Not to side with either point of view, but we have to get some business done and it's going to take compromise. If you don't see it being done, then I insist it's your duty, my fellow Americans, to vote for new faces. Maybe THEY can come to terms.
We have a lot going for us. We are a nation called a melting pot. Why can't the ideas melt, and then harden into forward thinking that serves us all? Let's end the special interests and get back to basics. Fix them, and a lot of good will follow. Once we have those things running smoothly, we might have some time for what fell between the cracks. This will take some faith, and you'll have to extend your belief that your representatives will get the job done. If not, vote them out.
To that end: No more campaign contributions. Running for office is a business. It's a corporation. A time waster. No more. The FCC will grant all candidates equal time on the nation's airwaves. Let radio and TV squawk about it - they'll really be squealing about lost revenue. But it's time for a change and that's one. Use the internet. That's two.
And this will make industry squeal, but no more lobbying. I mean it. If anyone lobbies congress and we find out about it, the White House will publish a weekly list. Vote the lobby targets OUT. Let's let the congress use its conscience and not the 'thinking points' provided by all the industries.
Let's apply our best thinking to the greatest good and then get that done before we move on. Oh, this will require sacrifice and change and that scares people. But look back at the founding of America. We've been through hard times before and now we have to seize the moment and build momentum in the right direction, instead of stalling down in the inertia of special interests.
Let's see how good we can be. Don't your children deserve that effort?
Oh, and from now on, no more cushy jobs for EX-congressmen because they still have influence and access. When you're out, you are out. Go back to real life.
God Bless America. We have a lot to do. Now let's get it done!"
"My fellow Americans, this isn't going to be a usual speech. I am required to give a report to the nation and I will, but I'll go beyond that.
The state of the nation is this: we can do better. We are politically and ideologically split. Not to side with either point of view, but we have to get some business done and it's going to take compromise. If you don't see it being done, then I insist it's your duty, my fellow Americans, to vote for new faces. Maybe THEY can come to terms.
We have a lot going for us. We are a nation called a melting pot. Why can't the ideas melt, and then harden into forward thinking that serves us all? Let's end the special interests and get back to basics. Fix them, and a lot of good will follow. Once we have those things running smoothly, we might have some time for what fell between the cracks. This will take some faith, and you'll have to extend your belief that your representatives will get the job done. If not, vote them out.
To that end: No more campaign contributions. Running for office is a business. It's a corporation. A time waster. No more. The FCC will grant all candidates equal time on the nation's airwaves. Let radio and TV squawk about it - they'll really be squealing about lost revenue. But it's time for a change and that's one. Use the internet. That's two.
And this will make industry squeal, but no more lobbying. I mean it. If anyone lobbies congress and we find out about it, the White House will publish a weekly list. Vote the lobby targets OUT. Let's let the congress use its conscience and not the 'thinking points' provided by all the industries.
Let's apply our best thinking to the greatest good and then get that done before we move on. Oh, this will require sacrifice and change and that scares people. But look back at the founding of America. We've been through hard times before and now we have to seize the moment and build momentum in the right direction, instead of stalling down in the inertia of special interests.
Let's see how good we can be. Don't your children deserve that effort?
Oh, and from now on, no more cushy jobs for EX-congressmen because they still have influence and access. When you're out, you are out. Go back to real life.
God Bless America. We have a lot to do. Now let's get it done!"
STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH - clarified.
OH WHAT A MESS DC MUST BE!!!
They made, according to press reports, more than 20 revisions to the State of The Union speech. Now already, they are 'clarifying' what Bush said isn't really exactly what he meant. That 75% reduction in middle east oil imports by 2025 wasn't really aimed at them.
How many people do you think look at that speech and comb it for possible problems?
In the paper today was an explanation (by someone who didn't want his/her head chopped off, so no attribution: something like 'he said what he said so the average Joe would get it, but it didn't mean specifically what he said.'
Ah, credibility. Or is it now credihillbillity?
They made, according to press reports, more than 20 revisions to the State of The Union speech. Now already, they are 'clarifying' what Bush said isn't really exactly what he meant. That 75% reduction in middle east oil imports by 2025 wasn't really aimed at them.
How many people do you think look at that speech and comb it for possible problems?
In the paper today was an explanation (by someone who didn't want his/her head chopped off, so no attribution: something like 'he said what he said so the average Joe would get it, but it didn't mean specifically what he said.'
Ah, credibility. Or is it now credihillbillity?
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH
Well, at least the smirk has been cured.
Too bad Bush can't deliver a good speech. He simply misses words to emphasize.
In the past few days they ran some clips of President Reagan back when the Challenger exploded - he was so good, I couldn't help but miss that sense of communication and reassurance.
The speech was, in my opinion, much better than the delivery, but so what?
Our problem is on display when the Democrats sit silent while the Republicans clap, or (on a few rare occasions, the opposite.)
We need those walls broken down - surely there are some good ideas which deserve support from both sides of the aisle and which right - thinking - leaders won't let be polluted by last minute riders slipped in to legislation, to pork barrel another pet project for somebody's special interests.
Too bad Bush can't deliver a good speech. He simply misses words to emphasize.
In the past few days they ran some clips of President Reagan back when the Challenger exploded - he was so good, I couldn't help but miss that sense of communication and reassurance.
The speech was, in my opinion, much better than the delivery, but so what?
Our problem is on display when the Democrats sit silent while the Republicans clap, or (on a few rare occasions, the opposite.)
We need those walls broken down - surely there are some good ideas which deserve support from both sides of the aisle and which right - thinking - leaders won't let be polluted by last minute riders slipped in to legislation, to pork barrel another pet project for somebody's special interests.
A NEW KIND OF RADIO STATION
At Pandora.com.
You tell it what you like and then it plays music they figure is that kind... and for each song you can give it a MORE or LESS designation. I'm listening to a free version which is supposed to come with ads, but so far, none. Don't know if they are audio or on screen.
They've tried to create a Music Genome... so far I find I am getting Adult Contemporary meets Classic hits meets urban adult contemporary with only three unfamiliar tracks so far, which I liked. Apparently you can somehow divert to amazon.com to purchase what you like. Not me. I use www.yourmusic.com where the selection is somewhat limited though 5.99 a CD!
No announcers, no formats to infect my programmer's brain. No hype. No contests. But it won't be long before I start to try to decipher the code. It's what 30 years of doing something does.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm writing this hours later.
When you professionally program a radio station, you have to avoid (only) PLAYING YOUR FAVORITES !!! since you represent yourself, and that might not be at all representative of your audience. Believe me, after dozens and dozens and dozens of music tests for all types of audiences in many cities, I can tell you I represent an audience of one.
But now that I am choosing music for the station I have put together on Pandora.com, I can understand how seductive playing your favorite songs on the commercial radio would BE. I LIKE my station. A lot.
Understand that, having been overexposed to commercial radio music for 30+ years for a living, I have an eclectic mix going.
Pandora.com allows users to E mail stations to friends. I expect that simply means it generates a similar playlist to MY taste, for you.
Drop me a comment with your E mail address if you'd like to hear it. It's not an url. It costs nothing. You have to agree to their very benign service terms.
My most popular stations drew over a million people a week. Now... 1. Anybody want some?
Wouldn't it be funny if a groundswell would start and this new format would then be broadcast somewhere... and then eventually corporately ruined!?
------------------------------------------------
Okay I'm a control freak. I want to balance the mix, tighten the song to song transitions, add some automatic gain control as some cuts are too low in volume. Let's not play two instrumentals back to back. And tempo control the mix better. Let's take the horn bands and mix them so they alternate with the guitar bands. And the thing is called Boz Scaggs radio - there was only ONE Boz cut - there are many more to play. Balance out male and female and group singers. Keep ballads restricted to slower rotations and... uh oh... here I go again.
You tell it what you like and then it plays music they figure is that kind... and for each song you can give it a MORE or LESS designation. I'm listening to a free version which is supposed to come with ads, but so far, none. Don't know if they are audio or on screen.
They've tried to create a Music Genome... so far I find I am getting Adult Contemporary meets Classic hits meets urban adult contemporary with only three unfamiliar tracks so far, which I liked. Apparently you can somehow divert to amazon.com to purchase what you like. Not me. I use www.yourmusic.com where the selection is somewhat limited though 5.99 a CD!
No announcers, no formats to infect my programmer's brain. No hype. No contests. But it won't be long before I start to try to decipher the code. It's what 30 years of doing something does.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm writing this hours later.
When you professionally program a radio station, you have to avoid (only) PLAYING YOUR FAVORITES !!! since you represent yourself, and that might not be at all representative of your audience. Believe me, after dozens and dozens and dozens of music tests for all types of audiences in many cities, I can tell you I represent an audience of one.
But now that I am choosing music for the station I have put together on Pandora.com, I can understand how seductive playing your favorite songs on the commercial radio would BE. I LIKE my station. A lot.
Understand that, having been overexposed to commercial radio music for 30+ years for a living, I have an eclectic mix going.
Pandora.com allows users to E mail stations to friends. I expect that simply means it generates a similar playlist to MY taste, for you.
Drop me a comment with your E mail address if you'd like to hear it. It's not an url. It costs nothing. You have to agree to their very benign service terms.
My most popular stations drew over a million people a week. Now... 1. Anybody want some?
Wouldn't it be funny if a groundswell would start and this new format would then be broadcast somewhere... and then eventually corporately ruined!?
------------------------------------------------
Okay I'm a control freak. I want to balance the mix, tighten the song to song transitions, add some automatic gain control as some cuts are too low in volume. Let's not play two instrumentals back to back. And tempo control the mix better. Let's take the horn bands and mix them so they alternate with the guitar bands. And the thing is called Boz Scaggs radio - there was only ONE Boz cut - there are many more to play. Balance out male and female and group singers. Keep ballads restricted to slower rotations and... uh oh... here I go again.
OUTSMARTED AGAIN
This time it was the car registration sticker. Simple instructions. Not for me. And getting the old one off after baking in the hot Texas sun was a trick. WD40 and razors did it finally. No blood this time.
If you use your intuition and ignore the directions, you rip the darn 'sticker' but if you follow them you face an impossibility. I gave up. Scotch tape and scissors are probably illegal. I'll E from lockup.
If you use your intuition and ignore the directions, you rip the darn 'sticker' but if you follow them you face an impossibility. I gave up. Scotch tape and scissors are probably illegal. I'll E from lockup.
Monday, January 30, 2006
CRASH
The film was in theaters for ten minutes or so. Maybe more. Or less. I missed it -just knew it existed. Didn't see it, didn't know much about it. Didn't care. Wouldn't have even rented it.
But it just took Best Ensemble Cast from the Screen Actors Guild awards.
And as luck would have it, my Screen Actors Guild membership afforded me a free copy of the DVD - that free flick thing has happened maybe twice in my 32 year membership. I doubt it was related to the win since the DVD arrived late last week. Maybe it went out alphabetically. Maybe it broke Brokeback Mountain, a favorite-to-win. Who knows.
I did watch it, and although wouldn't normally entertain myself with a movie about racism, this is an excellent work. You don't know what's next. You squirm. And through it all you feel they are uncovering layer upon layer of truth. That's tough to do without stereotyping.
Great direction. Great acting all around (Pulp Fiction comes to mind). Brief nudity, profanity (F bombs), violence, truth.
But it just took Best Ensemble Cast from the Screen Actors Guild awards.
And as luck would have it, my Screen Actors Guild membership afforded me a free copy of the DVD - that free flick thing has happened maybe twice in my 32 year membership. I doubt it was related to the win since the DVD arrived late last week. Maybe it went out alphabetically. Maybe it broke Brokeback Mountain, a favorite-to-win. Who knows.
I did watch it, and although wouldn't normally entertain myself with a movie about racism, this is an excellent work. You don't know what's next. You squirm. And through it all you feel they are uncovering layer upon layer of truth. That's tough to do without stereotyping.
Great direction. Great acting all around (Pulp Fiction comes to mind). Brief nudity, profanity (F bombs), violence, truth.
PRICE GOUGING AT THE PUMP WORKS WONDERS!
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Exxon Mobil Corp., the world's largest publicly traded oil company, on Monday reported a quarterly profit of $10.7 billion, capping a year of record earnings dominated by surging oil and gas prices.
The results pushed up Exxon's profit for the year to a staggering $36.13 billion -- bigger than the economies of 125 of the 184 countries ranked by the World Bank. Profit rose 42 percent from 2004.
So somebody explain to me again why when Hurricane Katrina 'raised the prices of gas' or somebody sneezed at a refinery 'raising the price of gas' these guys can get away with such profiteering?
Oh - that's right - oilman Bush is running things. Or is it Big Dick Cheney?
A free market economy isn't quite free.
The results pushed up Exxon's profit for the year to a staggering $36.13 billion -- bigger than the economies of 125 of the 184 countries ranked by the World Bank. Profit rose 42 percent from 2004.
So somebody explain to me again why when Hurricane Katrina 'raised the prices of gas' or somebody sneezed at a refinery 'raising the price of gas' these guys can get away with such profiteering?
Oh - that's right - oilman Bush is running things. Or is it Big Dick Cheney?
A free market economy isn't quite free.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
BUSTED!
Our property is just a few feet along the road, then there's a gate into a more private community, then our property continues maybe another 125 feet. Barbed wire apparently surrounds that 150 acres or so.
While walking Jessie back to the house, the little dog and I noticed the gate to The Preserve was open, so we thought we'd check the erosion along our property line which we never see (since it rained hard today). We did see a couple deer antlers. The gate swung shut - it's on a delay.
But no motion sensor on the other side.
No way out!
Trapped!
All it takes is the weight of a car or a ton of metal over a hidden grid to escape!
We tried to be casual while making up a good excuse. 'You know that sign that says keep out? Well, we, uh, were, uh, looking at, the dirt and missed it, and, uh, ...'
Finally a neighbor we knew came along and busted us. We exchanged pleasantries then Jessie and I scurried away like rats in the New York Subway when the train is coming.
While walking Jessie back to the house, the little dog and I noticed the gate to The Preserve was open, so we thought we'd check the erosion along our property line which we never see (since it rained hard today). We did see a couple deer antlers. The gate swung shut - it's on a delay.
But no motion sensor on the other side.
No way out!
Trapped!
All it takes is the weight of a car or a ton of metal over a hidden grid to escape!
We tried to be casual while making up a good excuse. 'You know that sign that says keep out? Well, we, uh, were, uh, looking at, the dirt and missed it, and, uh, ...'
Finally a neighbor we knew came along and busted us. We exchanged pleasantries then Jessie and I scurried away like rats in the New York Subway when the train is coming.
Friday, January 27, 2006
SMALLEST BODY CIRCLES STAR
Astronomers say they’ve found what may be the smallest and most distant planet known to be orbiting a star outside our own solar system. It is to be named Federline.
FREE RIDE: KEN DELAY or EDGAR WINTER
The story is that Kenny took about 100 free private jet trips from, oh, interested parties and 'supporters' over a few years. Amazing that they managed to get that sleaze up off the tarmac once the plane departed.
You remember FREE RIDE by the EDGAR WINTER GROUP? Great classic rock track. I got to see them live - the Edgar Winter Group in the early 70s in Pittsburgh. They were on FIRE.
I am what you might call a disgruntled voter. I know it's wrong to go overboard but I'd like to throw the whole crew out and start over. I almost mean it - any incumbent gets thrown out. Except I expect (nice wording, eh?) that there are a few good men left in congress. And women. Not that I trust Hillary. I'm pretty sure I saw her caught by the Croc Hunter on one episode. How could she be serving New Yawk while she's out slithering in Australian mud?
One article said, "...with Hillary you get two," meaning Bill. Bill would clearly love the spotlight. He'd eclipse her. She'd send him to South Africa, or better, Antarctica on a 'fact find' where there won't be press.
I have heard back stage stories of Hillary. Can't vouch for them. They make her look very insincere. Put her and The Burger King on the same stage and you get the same dose of sincerity. And I am twice as creeped out.
Speaking of holding your breath, (huh?) I met a neighbor again the other day - Terri insists I did meet her before but I was enjoying grapes which had been smashed and put into barrels and bottles and I had way too many of them that evening and don't remember much beyond a certain point. This woman has the world freedive record. And can hold her breath for a long long time - Yeah, that's her. This woman gives hope to all the widdle kids who threaten to HOLD THEIR BREATH TILL THEY GET THAT TOY!
She and her husband are building their home three houses away. Tanya can probably hold her breath till it's finished.
Wow. Another celebrity. There are several nearby already.
And today I voice a commercial for an old folks community. Does that count?
Didn't think so.
You remember FREE RIDE by the EDGAR WINTER GROUP? Great classic rock track. I got to see them live - the Edgar Winter Group in the early 70s in Pittsburgh. They were on FIRE.
I am what you might call a disgruntled voter. I know it's wrong to go overboard but I'd like to throw the whole crew out and start over. I almost mean it - any incumbent gets thrown out. Except I expect (nice wording, eh?) that there are a few good men left in congress. And women. Not that I trust Hillary. I'm pretty sure I saw her caught by the Croc Hunter on one episode. How could she be serving New Yawk while she's out slithering in Australian mud?
One article said, "...with Hillary you get two," meaning Bill. Bill would clearly love the spotlight. He'd eclipse her. She'd send him to South Africa, or better, Antarctica on a 'fact find' where there won't be press.
I have heard back stage stories of Hillary. Can't vouch for them. They make her look very insincere. Put her and The Burger King on the same stage and you get the same dose of sincerity. And I am twice as creeped out.
Speaking of holding your breath, (huh?) I met a neighbor again the other day - Terri insists I did meet her before but I was enjoying grapes which had been smashed and put into barrels and bottles and I had way too many of them that evening and don't remember much beyond a certain point. This woman has the world freedive record. And can hold her breath for a long long time - Yeah, that's her. This woman gives hope to all the widdle kids who threaten to HOLD THEIR BREATH TILL THEY GET THAT TOY!
She and her husband are building their home three houses away. Tanya can probably hold her breath till it's finished.
Wow. Another celebrity. There are several nearby already.
And today I voice a commercial for an old folks community. Does that count?
Didn't think so.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
BURGER KING CREEPS ME OUT
Some people fear mimes. Others hate clowns.
Me, I am totally creeped out by the Burger King.
And now he's all over TV in those football commercials where they've inserted him into famous plays.
The sight of that chicken legged, leotard wearing, cape swirling, swollen headed, plastic faced, frozen grimaced THING just creeps me out. I read that they'll run more of them in the Super Bowl. I hope I'm in the bathroom.
It's bad enough that Ronald McDonald looks like something Steven King thought up. The King is just grotesque.
I can imagine the ad agency guys just in love with the computer graphic that puts the King into real action... as they miss the point that their client's mascot looks like a perv next to football players. Or a telephone pole.
Me, I am totally creeped out by the Burger King.
And now he's all over TV in those football commercials where they've inserted him into famous plays.
The sight of that chicken legged, leotard wearing, cape swirling, swollen headed, plastic faced, frozen grimaced THING just creeps me out. I read that they'll run more of them in the Super Bowl. I hope I'm in the bathroom.
It's bad enough that Ronald McDonald looks like something Steven King thought up. The King is just grotesque.
I can imagine the ad agency guys just in love with the computer graphic that puts the King into real action... as they miss the point that their client's mascot looks like a perv next to football players. Or a telephone pole.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
INTEL MAKES TINY TINY NEW CHIP!
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Intel Corp. said on Wednesday it had made the world's first microchip using tiny new manufacturing methods that promise to let the world's top chipmaker make more powerful, efficient processors.
The fingernail-sized memory chip is etched with 1 billion transistors that are only 45 nanometers wide -- about 1,000 times smaller than a red blood cell, said Mark Bohr, a leading Intel engineer.
"It will pack about two times as many transistors per unit area and use less power. It will help future products and platforms deliver improved performance," Bohr told Reuters in an interview.
"It was here a minute ago. Right, um, here. Or there. No, it was here. It's really really small. Maybe it blew off the microscope. Hey, check your soles, willya? Oh man, this is bad..."
The fingernail-sized memory chip is etched with 1 billion transistors that are only 45 nanometers wide -- about 1,000 times smaller than a red blood cell, said Mark Bohr, a leading Intel engineer.
"It will pack about two times as many transistors per unit area and use less power. It will help future products and platforms deliver improved performance," Bohr told Reuters in an interview.
"It was here a minute ago. Right, um, here. Or there. No, it was here. It's really really small. Maybe it blew off the microscope. Hey, check your soles, willya? Oh man, this is bad..."
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES EXPOSED !
Peanut butter girl scout cookies. Yum.
I must state that I have absolutely nothing against girl scouts. I hope they make a fortune, and all grow up to be happy healthy women. (Are there boys in the girl scouts now? I thought they forced girls into the membership of BOY scouts. Did it work out the other way around? Hmm.)
I also believe that the cookies come from different sources geographically... that all cookies are not alike across the country. Maybe that's changed too. I don't know.
I only know about ONE BOX of Peanut Girl Scout cookies. MINE!
And that story will continue... right after the trip to the dentist.
Okay - dentist done... got a pretty good complete checkup. Two fillings will need to be replaced but they are so old and have been savagely attacked by Peanut Brittle in the Great Willpower Wars of 2005.
Back to the cookies... these things come in a rather small box, but inside is a big surprise, boys and girls. Only 18 cookies. That's all. Each sits in a separate compartment in a plastic tray as if these things are delicate. Separated by air and plastic. You can eat them all at one sitting.
Maybe that's the evil plan to sell more boxes. But man, if everything came packed that way, there'd be no more space in the world for the weight you put on eating the darn things!
THIS JUST IN:
There are ONLY 15* cookies in the Caramel Whatevertheyarecalled box. GEEZ. That's NOTHING. (*or there were.)
I must state that I have absolutely nothing against girl scouts. I hope they make a fortune, and all grow up to be happy healthy women. (Are there boys in the girl scouts now? I thought they forced girls into the membership of BOY scouts. Did it work out the other way around? Hmm.)
I also believe that the cookies come from different sources geographically... that all cookies are not alike across the country. Maybe that's changed too. I don't know.
I only know about ONE BOX of Peanut Girl Scout cookies. MINE!
And that story will continue... right after the trip to the dentist.
Okay - dentist done... got a pretty good complete checkup. Two fillings will need to be replaced but they are so old and have been savagely attacked by Peanut Brittle in the Great Willpower Wars of 2005.
Back to the cookies... these things come in a rather small box, but inside is a big surprise, boys and girls. Only 18 cookies. That's all. Each sits in a separate compartment in a plastic tray as if these things are delicate. Separated by air and plastic. You can eat them all at one sitting.
Maybe that's the evil plan to sell more boxes. But man, if everything came packed that way, there'd be no more space in the world for the weight you put on eating the darn things!
THIS JUST IN:
There are ONLY 15* cookies in the Caramel Whatevertheyarecalled box. GEEZ. That's NOTHING. (*or there were.)
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
NEW TV NETWORK!!!
NEW YORK/LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Struggling TV networks WB and UPN will merge into a single new youth-oriented broadcaster this fall in a surprise deal announced on Tuesday that reshapes the landscape of U.S. television.
The new CW network will debut in September 2006 as a 50-50 joint venture of UPN parent company CBS Corp. and Time Warner Inc., which controls the WB, shrinking the field of major U.S. commercial TV networks from six to five. The WB frog is said to be inconsolable.
CW McCALL, who sang the song CONVOY a long time ago, is said to be beside himself. He is also said to be beside the person next to him.
UPN and the WB, both formed 11 years ago, have each struggled to build ratings with programming aimed at younger viewers than the 18-to-49-year-old audience regarded as the advertising sweet spot for the Big Four broadcasters -- ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox.
CW will essentially follow the strategy of its predecessors, targeting viewers aged 18 to 34, especially females.
New shows proposed are My First Thong, a light hearted romp through Victoria's Secret; You've Got a Zit!, a new reality show that awards disaster points to girls about to go out on 'important' dates; You're Not A Slut If You're In Love, in which girls explore sexual hijinx; and Why Doesn't He Call? - a psychologist eats ice cream with the girls at a weekly pajama party.
The new CW network will debut in September 2006 as a 50-50 joint venture of UPN parent company CBS Corp. and Time Warner Inc., which controls the WB, shrinking the field of major U.S. commercial TV networks from six to five. The WB frog is said to be inconsolable.
CW McCALL, who sang the song CONVOY a long time ago, is said to be beside himself. He is also said to be beside the person next to him.
UPN and the WB, both formed 11 years ago, have each struggled to build ratings with programming aimed at younger viewers than the 18-to-49-year-old audience regarded as the advertising sweet spot for the Big Four broadcasters -- ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox.
CW will essentially follow the strategy of its predecessors, targeting viewers aged 18 to 34, especially females.
New shows proposed are My First Thong, a light hearted romp through Victoria's Secret; You've Got a Zit!, a new reality show that awards disaster points to girls about to go out on 'important' dates; You're Not A Slut If You're In Love, in which girls explore sexual hijinx; and Why Doesn't He Call? - a psychologist eats ice cream with the girls at a weekly pajama party.
VOICEOVERS
For over 20 years, I've been the voices of commercials, promos, training videos.
This has led to some mainstream and Way OUT business.
I did a training tape for US Lexus mechanics before Lexus came to America.
I did a Playboy Channel narration. No pictures. No girls. I saw Leonard Maltin coming into the studio (which wasn't at or associated with Playboy) as I was leaving.
I did a narration for a South African airport.
I got paid to count to 50. Good money. Hundreds of dollars! And they never used it.
I got paid to work with Chuck Yeager, pilot/hero. But he did his part the day before. DAMN!
I did countless banks. Friendly boy - that was me.
From car dealers to Ice cream. Retailers to 401k plans. I was the voice of TV stations - the FOX network for a brief time, and radio stations. (Irony: I was the voice of two radio stations in my home town of Philadelphia over different years and yet never heard the stations since I had moved away!) One summer night I was jogging, and heard my voice coming out of open windows. I've been to movies where I'd come on right before the main attraction. I've worked with soap opera actresses. TV actors. Future stars. Greats and not so greats.
But each time you move, or each time I move, I have to start over in a different market where I am unknown. And more and more, the business is global, as anyone can audition via internet and MP3s. My agent sends me copy, I record in my home studio, E mail to her, she bounces it up the ladder.
It's very subjective.
Yesterday I auditioned as the voice of a car race announcer doing a commercial (doubt I'd get that gig) and the voice OF A SWIMMING POOL (I think I NAILED that!)
But you never know. All you can do is hope and dream and give it your best shot. DOING the work is a lot easier than GETTING it. I can really identify with those 'overnight successes' that take 20 years.
One thing I know: when you give up, that's as far as you get.
This has led to some mainstream and Way OUT business.
I did a training tape for US Lexus mechanics before Lexus came to America.
I did a Playboy Channel narration. No pictures. No girls. I saw Leonard Maltin coming into the studio (which wasn't at or associated with Playboy) as I was leaving.
I did a narration for a South African airport.
I got paid to count to 50. Good money. Hundreds of dollars! And they never used it.
I got paid to work with Chuck Yeager, pilot/hero. But he did his part the day before. DAMN!
I did countless banks. Friendly boy - that was me.
From car dealers to Ice cream. Retailers to 401k plans. I was the voice of TV stations - the FOX network for a brief time, and radio stations. (Irony: I was the voice of two radio stations in my home town of Philadelphia over different years and yet never heard the stations since I had moved away!) One summer night I was jogging, and heard my voice coming out of open windows. I've been to movies where I'd come on right before the main attraction. I've worked with soap opera actresses. TV actors. Future stars. Greats and not so greats.
But each time you move, or each time I move, I have to start over in a different market where I am unknown. And more and more, the business is global, as anyone can audition via internet and MP3s. My agent sends me copy, I record in my home studio, E mail to her, she bounces it up the ladder.
It's very subjective.
Yesterday I auditioned as the voice of a car race announcer doing a commercial (doubt I'd get that gig) and the voice OF A SWIMMING POOL (I think I NAILED that!)
But you never know. All you can do is hope and dream and give it your best shot. DOING the work is a lot easier than GETTING it. I can really identify with those 'overnight successes' that take 20 years.
One thing I know: when you give up, that's as far as you get.
LIKE A FART IN AN ELEVATOR?
Egad! (You never see Egad anymore. Let's bring it back, whatayada say? My god, spell check never heard of Egad.) Egad! My site suffered yesterday like those trapped in an elevator with a bean eatin' cretin.
Very little viewership yestiddy. And here I thought the story of our concert night out was at the very least, long.
Or maybe the metric software company had a holiday. Maybe a mouse gnawed through a wire.
At one radio station I worked at/managed, we had snakes in the transmitter building. Some nice guy put a Styrofoam cup full of baby snakes on my desk. And they say managers aren't loved!
Well, if no varmint did the chaw (VARMINT - now THAT'd be a Texas breath mint name, if ever there was one!), I'm going to have to get either more opinionated or more serious or funnier or use bigger or smaller words. That's for sure!
Very little viewership yestiddy. And here I thought the story of our concert night out was at the very least, long.
Or maybe the metric software company had a holiday. Maybe a mouse gnawed through a wire.
At one radio station I worked at/managed, we had snakes in the transmitter building. Some nice guy put a Styrofoam cup full of baby snakes on my desk. And they say managers aren't loved!
Well, if no varmint did the chaw (VARMINT - now THAT'd be a Texas breath mint name, if ever there was one!), I'm going to have to get either more opinionated or more serious or funnier or use bigger or smaller words. That's for sure!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
A BIG SHOW
In under an hour we will leave for world famous ANTONE'S in downtown Austin to see RAUL MALO, a favorite of Terri's. He's lead singer of the Mavericks, a country band, but is quite incredible himself. This is billed as HIS show so who knows who will be the musicians in this town full of them!?
The show is a sellout.
The only problem is we have to stand. And Terri is short (only in height.) I hope she can see some of the show. I can't put her on my shoulders.
They've outlawed smoking in such clubs, which is great for us.
I guess after several hundred shows, I am spoiled. Not keen on standing. But, Terri is a big fan and off we go. Tomorrow I'll post a mini-review.
Today was flat tire/defective tool strips lugnut/AAA guy can't help/tow to Sears for impact wrench... day. I hope tonight goes better!
And they say it'll rain tonight. Texas needs rain. Some of the local area is so dry... add your own punchline.
...so dry, they give kids Q-tips and tell them they're lollipops.
...so dry, Wet n' Dry towellettes are only available as Dry n' Dry.
...so dry, when you watch The Titanic DVD, it doesn't sink.
...so dry, trees are soliciting dogs.
...so dry, the cows give evaporated milk.
Back to the show, written Sunday.
Trivia:
Antone's has been famous for years. The stage was set against a long wall and was high enough all could see the act. They honor Steve Ray Vaughan.
Moments:
My foot was rolled over by a guy in a motorized wheelchair. They are surprisingly heavy, but, come on, perspective!
We were 18 feet from the star of the evening so Terri could see, but they placed a music stand and stand-up bass right in her line of view. I tried to get her to stand on the lower step up onto the stage but she wouldn't. That close, and still not close enough. We were literally at stage side.
The opening act sang for way too long. She had a hooting voice. She must have done 13 or 14 songs. I don't remember her name and hope to avoid her in the future. The audience was more receptive than I or Terri. She sang from 9:15 till 10:30 or so. Then there was another half hour of nothing. Or was it 45 minutes? It seemed like forever.
The floor was sticky.
Sound was VERY good. We mostly heard the stage monitor mix from where we stood.
FINALLY Raul Malo came out with his band. GEEZ that was a long wait. But, first song, you knew you were in the presence of talent that simply isn't that accessible and IS that good. (I saw one review that said he has the best voice in the biz and it might not be far off the mark!) Wished for my camera. Because I am a foot higher than Terri I could clear the music stand obstruction and with a camera, I could have held it higher. I did experiment with my cell phone camera. Pitiful attempts I fear. If I can figure out how to get the pictures OUT of it, I'll show you.
Raul sang till about 1, with several encores. (he said they had done everything they knew, but then did a Born on the Bayou slow and chugging, with other song lyrics seemingly improvised and thrown in... I loved that. I love swamp! The show was mostly mellow, MAN he can sing. He can sing old standards - REALLY old standards and make them sound completely wonderful as he puts you in the moment (unlike, say, oh, Rod Stewart, despite his mega sales of same.)
At one point Pine Top Perkins, at 92 years old, ambled across the stage. Raul asked the sound guy, "What am I supposed to do?" which we could hear due to where we stood. He plugged the man and Pine Top went off to sell CDs in some corner.
Pinetop Perkins is one of the last great Mississippi bluesmen still performing. He's made a living playing blues since 1926 and is widely regarded as one of the best blues pianists. (He didn't play, just ambled across the stage. At the top of the three steps he darn near fell - luckily the soundman caught him. Catching/helping a legend - that's pretty cool.)
And as we exited, it had begun to rain.
The show is a sellout.
The only problem is we have to stand. And Terri is short (only in height.) I hope she can see some of the show. I can't put her on my shoulders.
They've outlawed smoking in such clubs, which is great for us.
I guess after several hundred shows, I am spoiled. Not keen on standing. But, Terri is a big fan and off we go. Tomorrow I'll post a mini-review.
Today was flat tire/defective tool strips lugnut/AAA guy can't help/tow to Sears for impact wrench... day. I hope tonight goes better!
And they say it'll rain tonight. Texas needs rain. Some of the local area is so dry... add your own punchline.
...so dry, they give kids Q-tips and tell them they're lollipops.
...so dry, Wet n' Dry towellettes are only available as Dry n' Dry.
...so dry, when you watch The Titanic DVD, it doesn't sink.
...so dry, trees are soliciting dogs.
...so dry, the cows give evaporated milk.
Back to the show, written Sunday.
Trivia:
Antone's has been famous for years. The stage was set against a long wall and was high enough all could see the act. They honor Steve Ray Vaughan.
Moments:
My foot was rolled over by a guy in a motorized wheelchair. They are surprisingly heavy, but, come on, perspective!
We were 18 feet from the star of the evening so Terri could see, but they placed a music stand and stand-up bass right in her line of view. I tried to get her to stand on the lower step up onto the stage but she wouldn't. That close, and still not close enough. We were literally at stage side.
The opening act sang for way too long. She had a hooting voice. She must have done 13 or 14 songs. I don't remember her name and hope to avoid her in the future. The audience was more receptive than I or Terri. She sang from 9:15 till 10:30 or so. Then there was another half hour of nothing. Or was it 45 minutes? It seemed like forever.
The floor was sticky.
Sound was VERY good. We mostly heard the stage monitor mix from where we stood.
FINALLY Raul Malo came out with his band. GEEZ that was a long wait. But, first song, you knew you were in the presence of talent that simply isn't that accessible and IS that good. (I saw one review that said he has the best voice in the biz and it might not be far off the mark!) Wished for my camera. Because I am a foot higher than Terri I could clear the music stand obstruction and with a camera, I could have held it higher. I did experiment with my cell phone camera. Pitiful attempts I fear. If I can figure out how to get the pictures OUT of it, I'll show you.
Raul sang till about 1, with several encores. (he said they had done everything they knew, but then did a Born on the Bayou slow and chugging, with other song lyrics seemingly improvised and thrown in... I loved that. I love swamp! The show was mostly mellow, MAN he can sing. He can sing old standards - REALLY old standards and make them sound completely wonderful as he puts you in the moment (unlike, say, oh, Rod Stewart, despite his mega sales of same.)
At one point Pine Top Perkins, at 92 years old, ambled across the stage. Raul asked the sound guy, "What am I supposed to do?" which we could hear due to where we stood. He plugged the man and Pine Top went off to sell CDs in some corner.
Pinetop Perkins is one of the last great Mississippi bluesmen still performing. He's made a living playing blues since 1926 and is widely regarded as one of the best blues pianists. (He didn't play, just ambled across the stage. At the top of the three steps he darn near fell - luckily the soundman caught him. Catching/helping a legend - that's pretty cool.)
And as we exited, it had begun to rain.
Friday, January 20, 2006
LIONS IN TEXAS
Let me set the scene: our house is on a hill overlooking a small 15 home 150 acre community called Barton Creek Preserve. Beyond that are about 1500 acres of other 'preserve' which is all dedicated wild... and the hillsides are all trees.
It's very natural with only a few incursions from man. We see a few towers in the distance, 3 streetlights on the crest of the next hill, miles away. A roof or two. that's it.
The area has deer (Terri reported about a dozen this morning, running across our driveway as she walked the dog.) Armadillos, raccoons, jackrabbits, mice, hawks, owls, buzzards, horned toads, and certain slithery things which put me into denial are our local creatures.
So night before last while I was grilling some buffalo burgers (!) outside, I heard several unmistakable LION ROARS.
Neighbors have asked, "Have you heard the lions?" And we hadn't, and always suspected they might be trying to put one off on the rubes from Minneapolis.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
The Zoo is somewhere between here and that ridge.
It must have been feeding time. They're loud, and from that sound, not terribly far away. If those bad boys ever get loose, I sure hope they find the deer before they find our property!
It's very natural with only a few incursions from man. We see a few towers in the distance, 3 streetlights on the crest of the next hill, miles away. A roof or two. that's it.
The area has deer (Terri reported about a dozen this morning, running across our driveway as she walked the dog.) Armadillos, raccoons, jackrabbits, mice, hawks, owls, buzzards, horned toads, and certain slithery things which put me into denial are our local creatures.
So night before last while I was grilling some buffalo burgers (!) outside, I heard several unmistakable LION ROARS.
Neighbors have asked, "Have you heard the lions?" And we hadn't, and always suspected they might be trying to put one off on the rubes from Minneapolis.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
The Zoo is somewhere between here and that ridge.
It must have been feeding time. They're loud, and from that sound, not terribly far away. If those bad boys ever get loose, I sure hope they find the deer before they find our property!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
A YEAR DEEP
We just passed ONE YEAR in Austin.
Hard to believe!
We can drive down the few streets with any houses on them in this development and most have gone up since we arrived. I believe we were 14th in.
What a great choice! One important criterion was SUN and it's been abormally sunny. That's just fine, thank you very much! It's also been abnormally warm since October. That's just fine thank you very much again! The people are very friendly! The music scene is way cool.
I just looked at some pictures taken in the summer when the grass was green. Now it's tan but that's okay. After planting so many wildflowers, it'll be interesting to see what this spring will bring. (The problem is you can't tell which are weeds till too late.)
I saw our roadrunner the other day and... surprise... they can fly.
Hard to believe!
We can drive down the few streets with any houses on them in this development and most have gone up since we arrived. I believe we were 14th in.
What a great choice! One important criterion was SUN and it's been abormally sunny. That's just fine, thank you very much! It's also been abnormally warm since October. That's just fine thank you very much again! The people are very friendly! The music scene is way cool.
I just looked at some pictures taken in the summer when the grass was green. Now it's tan but that's okay. After planting so many wildflowers, it'll be interesting to see what this spring will bring. (The problem is you can't tell which are weeds till too late.)
I saw our roadrunner the other day and... surprise... they can fly.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
KISSED BY A DUMP TRUCK!
Argh! My dump luck! (Sorry.)
The car saga: my Audi hasn't had real service - other than oil changes - in quite a while. In fact, it enjoyed the 50,000 service at 40,000 miles as it was free and the time limit on free was expiring. And we moved... so the old dealer lost track of us... Till just recently when they sent a reminder that an 'interval' had passed. I'd say so - I'm at 72,000.
So I called the Texas/Austin/Local dealer and discovered they weren't really SURE when it was due. But I persisted and eventually did see the "book" outlining all procedures.
I opted for the BIGGIE - the 90,000 mile service. New water pump, timing belt, pulley, rollers, tuneup, filters, rags, bolt turning, nose picking, sponge bath... $1600+
I really like this car and plan to have it a LONG time. That's why!
I rented a car as the service would span a few days. "Want the $16 walk away insurance?" "Naaa." I know I'm covered by my insurance and I never have accidents.
Until today.
A HUGE dump truck - A 2005 Freightliner - changed lanes beside me. He chose the lane I was in. His tire probably caused about $2000 in damages. We pulled off the busy highway (actually into the middle emergency lane as cars and trucks rocketed by) and I called 911. We decided to "fill out the forms" instead of waiting there for a cop. "That's an option," sez 911.
Deductable misery!
Surprisingly calm, we exchanged info and luckily the rental drove okay. The Freightliner didn't even know anything had happened. I am lucky his giant John Wayne LUGNUTS didn't chop the side of my Audi to shreds!
Now the insurance tapdance begins. The trucking company owner has made some noises on voicemail that makes me suspicious as to his admission of their liability.
The truck driver said he didn't see me. Don't know what he told his boss.
I realize now - many hours later, that if I was out of position by only a few more feet, my car could have had a blowout, throwing me in front of the loaded truck. And he would have rolled right over me. Or he might have forced me into the other lane and another truck at 65 mph. It didn't seem scary at the time, but now, it's pretty sobering.
Addendum, a day later: Now the driver claims I ran into him. Like I'd miss the fact that there was a huge dumptruck right beside me in the next lane and pull into him!
Monday, January 16, 2006
Saturday, January 14, 2006
RADIO MEMORIES
I just found the archives. Pictures of me - as a deejay as early as 1968. Whew!
Isn't it odd how you can see a picture THAT old and it triggers what was happening at that moment? Hey, I've never had a good memory, so this was a surprise.
Radio stations are rarely what you think they are. Generally the studios are messy. Back then the gear was really hodge-podge! My earliest stations were very small. But even in the big time (Top 10 market -- which Pittsburgh was back then) the gear was serviceable,yet not what you might think.
I had a friend who programmed a radio station in the early 80s which had bats in the control room - where the deejay sat. The cheap GM wouldn't let them hire an exterminator!
At my first job, the program director/deejay would go to his car for a cigarette while a long song was on (Hey Jude) (Susie Q). AND THE DIMBULB would lock himself OUT! I lived a couple hundred yards away - basically across the street. He'd run to a neighbor's house (no cell phones in 1968) and call me to come let him in. On the air: tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch... the sound a record makes when it's over.
Isn't it odd how you can see a picture THAT old and it triggers what was happening at that moment? Hey, I've never had a good memory, so this was a surprise.
Radio stations are rarely what you think they are. Generally the studios are messy. Back then the gear was really hodge-podge! My earliest stations were very small. But even in the big time (Top 10 market -- which Pittsburgh was back then) the gear was serviceable,yet not what you might think.
I had a friend who programmed a radio station in the early 80s which had bats in the control room - where the deejay sat. The cheap GM wouldn't let them hire an exterminator!
At my first job, the program director/deejay would go to his car for a cigarette while a long song was on (Hey Jude) (Susie Q). AND THE DIMBULB would lock himself OUT! I lived a couple hundred yards away - basically across the street. He'd run to a neighbor's house (no cell phones in 1968) and call me to come let him in. On the air: tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch... the sound a record makes when it's over.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
WISDOM
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS
I admit it. I'm goo goo for Jessica Simpson. But holy Dukes of Hazzard, Batman, she sure dropped MANY notches on the sexy-scale with her opening dance? and sing? on the People's Choice Awards. Clearly, the Jessica Simpson Packaging Corporation (aka Dad Simpson) overreached. It was embarrassing.
"Jessica's true vocal talent, unlimited energy and undeniable charisma will truly be a great addition to this year's show," executive producer Carol Donovan said in a statement Thursday. That would be the Thursday PRIOR. Now, post show, she'd probably admit that Jessica, as most searched on the internet, might have pulled her own fans to the show. They would see she has really white teeth, a nice body, nice hair, and the dancing soul of a 55 year old white man.
And the poor host. I could look up his name but why? You probably don't know him either - he does the Late Late show. He's game, though, as he didn't even appear to flop-sweat as his jokes zinged off the walls in relative silence. Standing there are continuing is hard and feat to be admired. I think he's Somebody Ferguson.
We watch for various reasons - me, I like to analyze the spectacle and production and see who acquits themselves well. Some are naturally likeable or natural performers. Others are lost in space, inarticulate, or obvious child-ego-staters. Then some have to read really awkward lines. Fun to see who handles that and how.
Winners are no surprise. This is mass appeal stuff. Easy to predict for the most part. Plus, they have enough categories to cover many.
I couldn't believe it when they also had commercials/People's Choice Awards for BEST HAIR and BEST TEETH which were blatant sell-outs to advertisers. But why stop there? (Maybe they didn't, we switched over to the excellent THE SHIELD. Hoo boy - this will be a great season. Forrest Whittaker is a slimeball.)
Why not best boob job? Best ass? Best smell?
The sellout of everything in our culture is growing daily! (Please don't nail me for the Google ads to the right of this. Nobody sees them. I know. I read the income report. I actually find more money ($0.06 the other day) on the street that with this.)
"Jessica's true vocal talent, unlimited energy and undeniable charisma will truly be a great addition to this year's show," executive producer Carol Donovan said in a statement Thursday. That would be the Thursday PRIOR. Now, post show, she'd probably admit that Jessica, as most searched on the internet, might have pulled her own fans to the show. They would see she has really white teeth, a nice body, nice hair, and the dancing soul of a 55 year old white man.
And the poor host. I could look up his name but why? You probably don't know him either - he does the Late Late show. He's game, though, as he didn't even appear to flop-sweat as his jokes zinged off the walls in relative silence. Standing there are continuing is hard and feat to be admired. I think he's Somebody Ferguson.
We watch for various reasons - me, I like to analyze the spectacle and production and see who acquits themselves well. Some are naturally likeable or natural performers. Others are lost in space, inarticulate, or obvious child-ego-staters. Then some have to read really awkward lines. Fun to see who handles that and how.
Winners are no surprise. This is mass appeal stuff. Easy to predict for the most part. Plus, they have enough categories to cover many.
I couldn't believe it when they also had commercials/People's Choice Awards for BEST HAIR and BEST TEETH which were blatant sell-outs to advertisers. But why stop there? (Maybe they didn't, we switched over to the excellent THE SHIELD. Hoo boy - this will be a great season. Forrest Whittaker is a slimeball.)
Why not best boob job? Best ass? Best smell?
The sellout of everything in our culture is growing daily! (Please don't nail me for the Google ads to the right of this. Nobody sees them. I know. I read the income report. I actually find more money ($0.06 the other day) on the street that with this.)
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
MACHINE CONQUERS MAN!
I'm the man.
This morn first thing I went to LOWES and bought their Big Honkin' Hex Driver set. I got yer metrics I got yer USAs. I swear I could hear the echoes of Tim Allen barking at me.
It was good. To celebrate my purchase I bought more things from the You Don't Really Need These Things department. It was good.
And a neighbor came over to help me carefully lift my 60 pound CD player from the throne to the floor where I skillfully located the hex things and took the lid off the box. We were good.
I located the player lenses and swabbed lifesavingly as instructed, then rebuilt the box, retracing my steps one by one.
Then plugged it in and watched it index then forget the CD immediately. No go. Failure. Shame.
Now I have to send it to California where a kind man will take it apart and bestow the magic I lack.
Nuts. Arf.
This morn first thing I went to LOWES and bought their Big Honkin' Hex Driver set. I got yer metrics I got yer USAs. I swear I could hear the echoes of Tim Allen barking at me.
It was good. To celebrate my purchase I bought more things from the You Don't Really Need These Things department. It was good.
And a neighbor came over to help me carefully lift my 60 pound CD player from the throne to the floor where I skillfully located the hex things and took the lid off the box. We were good.
I located the player lenses and swabbed lifesavingly as instructed, then rebuilt the box, retracing my steps one by one.
Then plugged it in and watched it index then forget the CD immediately. No go. Failure. Shame.
Now I have to send it to California where a kind man will take it apart and bestow the magic I lack.
Nuts. Arf.
Monday, January 09, 2006
SCREWING AROUND WITH THINGS
I SHOULDN'T UNSCREW
Tomorrow I will attempt to wrestle the Doesn't-Work-Well-With-Tools monkey off my back. The stakes are high.
My father was a bad role model. He'd hammer and curse and sweat and curse. That's about it. He cursed convincingly, I might add. A rolling, "god," A tympani hit on "DAMN!"
I'd sneak into the paint and tools and stuff we inherited from somewhere foreign to our household sensibilities, mix anything liquid and flammable with anything ELSE liquid and flammable and then go flambe' me some ants. I discovered Sherwin-Williams Napalm. I also poured acid on my hands instead of paint remover. Mistake!
That was as close as I normally got to the tools. Maybe I'd stir with a screwdriver.
So tomorrow I will - on the advice of the repair wizard in California, risk it all by taking apart my very expensive CD player to try to clean off 'the lens.' The darn thing is very balky when it plays at all. If this doesn't work or if I make a mess, the whole 60 pound CD player (right - SIXTY!) will go FedEx to California where it'll cost a ton (more.) I sure would rather not risk shipping it even though I pack it in a foam lined "HE PACKED IT IN FOAM SO LET'S DRIVE THE TRUCK OVER IT" box. And worry.
My father was a bad role model. He'd hammer and curse and sweat and curse. That's about it. He cursed convincingly, I might add. A rolling, "god," A tympani hit on "DAMN!"
I'd sneak into the paint and tools and stuff we inherited from somewhere foreign to our household sensibilities, mix anything liquid and flammable with anything ELSE liquid and flammable and then go flambe' me some ants. I discovered Sherwin-Williams Napalm. I also poured acid on my hands instead of paint remover. Mistake!
That was as close as I normally got to the tools. Maybe I'd stir with a screwdriver.
So tomorrow I will - on the advice of the repair wizard in California, risk it all by taking apart my very expensive CD player to try to clean off 'the lens.' The darn thing is very balky when it plays at all. If this doesn't work or if I make a mess, the whole 60 pound CD player (right - SIXTY!) will go FedEx to California where it'll cost a ton (more.) I sure would rather not risk shipping it even though I pack it in a foam lined "HE PACKED IT IN FOAM SO LET'S DRIVE THE TRUCK OVER IT" box. And worry.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
SOUPY SALES
SOUPY SALES is 80 today. That's another BIG pointer to the fact that anyone who knows him from his TV show is getting up there into AARP land themselves. My god. It doesn't seem possible. The guy was/is irrepressible young at heart and smart alek-y on that show. This means White Fang and Black Tooth are also 80 today.
I wish them all a very happy birthday!
Soup tried a stunt that got him into trouble... he told the kids whose parents were sleeping to go sneak some money and send it to him. Funny! Don't know if he received any, though. I think he also gave the finger to someone on camera. Kids wouldn't know what he was doing.
He later became a disc jockey in NYC.
I wish them all a very happy birthday!
Soup tried a stunt that got him into trouble... he told the kids whose parents were sleeping to go sneak some money and send it to him. Funny! Don't know if he received any, though. I think he also gave the finger to someone on camera. Kids wouldn't know what he was doing.
He later became a disc jockey in NYC.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
ROYAL FLUSH
Our "grinder pump" is down. Last night the alarm light accompanied the sound of gurgling, uh, stuff, leaking out from the receptacle just outside the bedroom. The grinder pump is required by the Lower Colorado River Authority as part of their ecology thing. It 'processes' our wastewater and what ever is in it. Eeeeuuuuww.
Our home builder had the foresight to get the LCRA to inspect it - twice, I believe, so it's fully warranted.
So as I write this there's some guy with a JOB I WOULDN'T WANT, dealing with the buried barrel of sludge. There was the possibility that if everything went wrong, the sludge could back up into the house from the lowest drain or pipe.
Stay close. More on this broken story as it happens.
One more time: EEEeeuuuuuuwwwww!
I will spare you the easy jokes. Let's just say the guy converted on turd down. Oh. No self control. The 3rd grade nun was psychic when she wrote that on my report card!
Well, all's well that ends well. This guy really knew his stuff as he rebuilt the electronics which had become corroded due to a blown valve.
Let the showers begin!
Our home builder had the foresight to get the LCRA to inspect it - twice, I believe, so it's fully warranted.
So as I write this there's some guy with a JOB I WOULDN'T WANT, dealing with the buried barrel of sludge. There was the possibility that if everything went wrong, the sludge could back up into the house from the lowest drain or pipe.
Stay close. More on this broken story as it happens.
One more time: EEEeeuuuuuuwwwww!
I will spare you the easy jokes. Let's just say the guy converted on turd down. Oh. No self control. The 3rd grade nun was psychic when she wrote that on my report card!
Well, all's well that ends well. This guy really knew his stuff as he rebuilt the electronics which had become corroded due to a blown valve.
Let the showers begin!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
New Year's Rockin' Eve?
In case you haven't noticed, almost everything is now a commercial. A co-sponsorship. A logo placement. Product placement. Naming rights.
Last night, as is our custom, we stayed off the roads, instead opting for a movie and Champagne as we closed in on 2006. Curiosity lead me to New Year's Rockin' Eve with the much-ballyhooed return of Dick Clark and the official countdown (which would have been tape delayed since we are on Central time...)
I'll probably take a ton of heat for this but I don't think Dick should have gone on camera. Call him brave, a tradition, add whatever nice thing you wish... he shouldn't have gone on.
I have nothing against Dick Clark. I wish him nothing but good. I know a stroke can devastate. I applaud him for his effort to recover.
But look, Dick is above all else a SHOWMAN. I think he diminished the SHOW by co-hosting. Maybe his time in the spotlight is over and he won't let go? Maybe he envisions himself a role model. More likely, he owns the show and makes the decisions. This one was bad.
Look at it from the network competition point of view. People party or sit home alone with Champagne or The Devil Weed or whatever. The other networks are trying their hardest to 'throw the party.'
New Year's Rockin' Eve wasn't a party. Or if it was, it started and then stopped.
Mariah Carey is a good hire. She's popular. She'd pull an audience. But Dick pulled it down. I wonder how many gasped. How many laughed (not nice!) How many were inspired??? I was just flat out shocked.
Did you notice all the logos by Chevy on the hats down front? The Korbel balloons? They didn't just happen - it's part of the package they bought. Though there was a brief shot of a huge display screen that had the word PONTIAC on it. Ooops?
Across the dial, Regis was being Regis - he does it well.
Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly were America's new announcers (what Dick Clark used to be.)
Last night, as is our custom, we stayed off the roads, instead opting for a movie and Champagne as we closed in on 2006. Curiosity lead me to New Year's Rockin' Eve with the much-ballyhooed return of Dick Clark and the official countdown (which would have been tape delayed since we are on Central time...)
I'll probably take a ton of heat for this but I don't think Dick should have gone on camera. Call him brave, a tradition, add whatever nice thing you wish... he shouldn't have gone on.
I have nothing against Dick Clark. I wish him nothing but good. I know a stroke can devastate. I applaud him for his effort to recover.
But look, Dick is above all else a SHOWMAN. I think he diminished the SHOW by co-hosting. Maybe his time in the spotlight is over and he won't let go? Maybe he envisions himself a role model. More likely, he owns the show and makes the decisions. This one was bad.
Look at it from the network competition point of view. People party or sit home alone with Champagne or The Devil Weed or whatever. The other networks are trying their hardest to 'throw the party.'
New Year's Rockin' Eve wasn't a party. Or if it was, it started and then stopped.
Mariah Carey is a good hire. She's popular. She'd pull an audience. But Dick pulled it down. I wonder how many gasped. How many laughed (not nice!) How many were inspired??? I was just flat out shocked.
Did you notice all the logos by Chevy on the hats down front? The Korbel balloons? They didn't just happen - it's part of the package they bought. Though there was a brief shot of a huge display screen that had the word PONTIAC on it. Ooops?
Across the dial, Regis was being Regis - he does it well.
Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly were America's new announcers (what Dick Clark used to be.)
Saturday, December 31, 2005
RAIDERS OF THE LOST MICROPHONE
It took a year less 18 days. I searched everywhere again and again. And again. I looked in every remaining movers' box.
When we unpacked, we cut down every box... laid all packing paper flat. Nothing would escape. But my $1000 microphone (okay, $950) was lost. LOST. Or (cue dramatic music) stolen. But it was in a box in a box when I last saw it (or remember seeing it) so who would even know what it was or want it? The PACKER! The MOVER! The weaselly assistant packer!!! Naaa. They didn't have the look. A microphone isn't a commodity - it's not like everyone wants one (or would even recognize the nondescript box.)
Planning a trip sometime later this winter, Terri had begun looking for the snorkel gear - it was MIA! This led to my bumping around the storage darkness over the garage and then in the attic, reopening all the remaining boxes (MAN I TOOK A TON OF PICTURES OVER THE YEARS!!!) My high school yearbook was spotted. My college radio stint in pictures - a favorite is the boys trying to pull my tongue out with needle nose pliers. Terri's baby dolls, her CRIB!
Found the snorkel, masks and fins. It was with her childhood stuffed animals. They weren't using them.
But no microphone.
However, by then, my adrenal-search-gland-mojo was workin', so I went through the whole house, every drawer, shelf, box... no luck!
Then I thought I'd try one more place. Of course the box LOOKED like files, but was "stuff" wrapped in paper and in the stuff... was the missing microphone.
Boy did that feel good. Perseverance paid in full!
When we unpacked, we cut down every box... laid all packing paper flat. Nothing would escape. But my $1000 microphone (okay, $950) was lost. LOST. Or (cue dramatic music) stolen. But it was in a box in a box when I last saw it (or remember seeing it) so who would even know what it was or want it? The PACKER! The MOVER! The weaselly assistant packer!!! Naaa. They didn't have the look. A microphone isn't a commodity - it's not like everyone wants one (or would even recognize the nondescript box.)
Planning a trip sometime later this winter, Terri had begun looking for the snorkel gear - it was MIA! This led to my bumping around the storage darkness over the garage and then in the attic, reopening all the remaining boxes (MAN I TOOK A TON OF PICTURES OVER THE YEARS!!!) My high school yearbook was spotted. My college radio stint in pictures - a favorite is the boys trying to pull my tongue out with needle nose pliers. Terri's baby dolls, her CRIB!
Found the snorkel, masks and fins. It was with her childhood stuffed animals. They weren't using them.
But no microphone.
However, by then, my adrenal-search-gland-mojo was workin', so I went through the whole house, every drawer, shelf, box... no luck!
Then I thought I'd try one more place. Of course the box LOOKED like files, but was "stuff" wrapped in paper and in the stuff... was the missing microphone.
Boy did that feel good. Perseverance paid in full!
Friday, December 30, 2005
SONY SETTLEMENT
I generally like SONY. I expect that when I replace my TV, it'll be a SONY. Still, their proposed settlement for their DRM computer-invading program strikes me as an "are you kidding?" proposal.
SONY had secreted some files (called rootkit) on millions of music CDs to ward off piracy that in fact, if played on a computer, rendered those computers very vulnerable to malware (and apparently it was VERY difficult to remove!) Read about that here.
They have put forward a proposal which, to my eye, at best gives those affected three free downloads of CDs to right the wrong. Here's that story.
Boy, if they had put me through the hell I read about, I'd feel that $100 cash wasn't enough!
And I wonder how those free downloads affect the artists involved? Do they get royalties from SONY on those 'free downloads' or do they just bite the bullet with no recourse themselves?
I see no good in any of this. What do you think?
More lawsuits to settle!
It's amazing when a corporation is so unthinking. Or so arrogant. This from the C-NET coverage of the story by Molly Wood (no relation!): "...the president of Sony BMG's global digital business division, Thomas Hesse, told National Public Radio that most people don't know what a rootkit is, so they shouldn't care that it had been secretly installed on their PCs. Mr. Hesse, they care. And they should start caring a whole lot more--on November 10, BitDefender uncovered the first Trojan horse (but possibly not the last) that takes advantage of the unpatched DRM technology to open a backdoor on a Windows PC."
SONY had secreted some files (called rootkit) on millions of music CDs to ward off piracy that in fact, if played on a computer, rendered those computers very vulnerable to malware (and apparently it was VERY difficult to remove!) Read about that here.
They have put forward a proposal which, to my eye, at best gives those affected three free downloads of CDs to right the wrong. Here's that story.
Boy, if they had put me through the hell I read about, I'd feel that $100 cash wasn't enough!
And I wonder how those free downloads affect the artists involved? Do they get royalties from SONY on those 'free downloads' or do they just bite the bullet with no recourse themselves?
I see no good in any of this. What do you think?
More lawsuits to settle!
It's amazing when a corporation is so unthinking. Or so arrogant. This from the C-NET coverage of the story by Molly Wood (no relation!): "...the president of Sony BMG's global digital business division, Thomas Hesse, told National Public Radio that most people don't know what a rootkit is, so they shouldn't care that it had been secretly installed on their PCs. Mr. Hesse, they care. And they should start caring a whole lot more--on November 10, BitDefender uncovered the first Trojan horse (but possibly not the last) that takes advantage of the unpatched DRM technology to open a backdoor on a Windows PC."
Thursday, December 29, 2005
TV SUCKS
The networks typically go into the dead zone (not the show) at this time of year. What lousy programming!
This might be a great time for a new show to debut.
That new game/reality show - I don't even know what it was called - where the contestant holds what they have or goes for something better (they hope!) hosted by a dramatic bald guy took 5 of the top 15 shows last week, I believe. See?
But I hope for more. And better. I've been watching reruns and petrified crap.
Hi, my name is Bob and I'm a TiVo addict!
This might be a great time for a new show to debut.
That new game/reality show - I don't even know what it was called - where the contestant holds what they have or goes for something better (they hope!) hosted by a dramatic bald guy took 5 of the top 15 shows last week, I believe. See?
But I hope for more. And better. I've been watching reruns and petrified crap.
Hi, my name is Bob and I'm a TiVo addict!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
FIRE DANGER
There were 54 grass fires in Austin last week. We have a serious drought going on... about 50% down from normal rain amounts for the year. We also have nice warm weather with low humidity. And sun.
There's a burn ban in all Metro counties. You can't have any fire outdoors unless it's, say, a BBQ. One of THOSE burned a house down near Dallas.
So what do you think are for sale just outside Travis county? FIREWORKS!!! Oh, they are holding back the bottle rockets and aerial bombs and flying flaming things but... what the #%#$@^*!!?
Glad I cut the prairie. What was once 2 feet high is now stubble around the house.
Somebody wrote that in Texas, fireworks are like guns. I LIKE FIREWORKS. (And guns!) I like my house more! Never seen a kid with a sparkler that didn't throw it at the end.
Should be an interesting next few days.
There's a burn ban in all Metro counties. You can't have any fire outdoors unless it's, say, a BBQ. One of THOSE burned a house down near Dallas.
So what do you think are for sale just outside Travis county? FIREWORKS!!! Oh, they are holding back the bottle rockets and aerial bombs and flying flaming things but... what the #%#$@^*!!?
Glad I cut the prairie. What was once 2 feet high is now stubble around the house.
Somebody wrote that in Texas, fireworks are like guns. I LIKE FIREWORKS. (And guns!) I like my house more! Never seen a kid with a sparkler that didn't throw it at the end.
Should be an interesting next few days.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
CHICKEN HYPNOSIS
In doing - uh, research, on the net, I found this item which can help all those on ranches. Something you might want to try on your next visit to the farm.
A chicken can be hypnotized, or put into a trance by holding its head down against the ground, and continuously drawing a line along the ground with a stick or a finger, starting at its beak and extending straight outward in front of the chicken.
If the chicken is hypnotized in this manner, it will remain immobile for somewhere between 15 seconds to 30 minutes, continuing to stare at the line.
This is not the same thing as the tequila stare I developed one night in Martinique. I am no chicken!
A chicken can be hypnotized, or put into a trance by holding its head down against the ground, and continuously drawing a line along the ground with a stick or a finger, starting at its beak and extending straight outward in front of the chicken.
If the chicken is hypnotized in this manner, it will remain immobile for somewhere between 15 seconds to 30 minutes, continuing to stare at the line.
This is not the same thing as the tequila stare I developed one night in Martinique. I am no chicken!
Monday, December 26, 2005
CSN&Y: "Our house, is a very very very fine house..."
WE LOVE OUR HOUSE. The architect/builder did a wonderful job! We like and endorse him!
Apparently some feelings were ruffled since I left this out in my Christmas-Letter attempt at humor, which was not my intention. The Christmas letter is set up to be an anti-brag letter that you get sometimes. And raving about the house would qualify as a brag.
Next year I think I'll go back to the mythical family I created years ago, and chronicle their adventures.
Apparently some feelings were ruffled since I left this out in my Christmas-Letter attempt at humor, which was not my intention. The Christmas letter is set up to be an anti-brag letter that you get sometimes. And raving about the house would qualify as a brag.
Next year I think I'll go back to the mythical family I created years ago, and chronicle their adventures.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
So I'm not PC. Sorry. Happy Festivus then.
Every time I smell felt, I think of the green felt covering my Lionel trainboard that Santa put up under the tree when I was young. I could barely get to sleep when I'd hear him cursing loudly as he smashed his hand, or got a shock from the Plasticville interior lights that poked up from beneath the board.
We had early twinkling lights and they made little "dings" as they superheated to just below tree-torching temperatures, then would wink out. The whole tree-full made a sound like ice crystals should make when they form in the air on a cobalt sky day of sunny cold.
I would stare into the reflective balls and see the world wrap around itself. I still like shiny metal colors. I still like it when the world wraps around itself.
I'd drop a tablet into my train smokestack and the locomotive would start to puff. It would circle the tree endlessly, with my careful driving on the big transformer. Sometimes it would veer off the board at high speed and crash to the valley floor below. Luckily, it would miss the stack of presents which were on display there. I'd lean on the horn and it would remind me of the real ones I'd sometimes hear wailing into the dark, when the wind was right, off in the distance, right before I feel asleep, safe in my bed.
Sometimes I'd go back to the now 'empty' stocking hung with care and find another special toy hidden in the toe. That was great!
I loved guns. One of my favorite Christmases brought a ping pong ball gun. There was a picture of my dad showing a very young me how to shoot it. This was not my typical dad. Years later, after some drinking, he and my uncle stood in the ocean surf shooting 45s at the moon. How I wish he would have played with me that way.
Christmases are like a cavalcade of time and memory. Benchmarks for family, friends, joy, and loss. I hope they bring you peace and jubilation this year. And maybe you get your ping pong ball gun!
Every time I smell felt, I think of the green felt covering my Lionel trainboard that Santa put up under the tree when I was young. I could barely get to sleep when I'd hear him cursing loudly as he smashed his hand, or got a shock from the Plasticville interior lights that poked up from beneath the board.
We had early twinkling lights and they made little "dings" as they superheated to just below tree-torching temperatures, then would wink out. The whole tree-full made a sound like ice crystals should make when they form in the air on a cobalt sky day of sunny cold.
I would stare into the reflective balls and see the world wrap around itself. I still like shiny metal colors. I still like it when the world wraps around itself.
I'd drop a tablet into my train smokestack and the locomotive would start to puff. It would circle the tree endlessly, with my careful driving on the big transformer. Sometimes it would veer off the board at high speed and crash to the valley floor below. Luckily, it would miss the stack of presents which were on display there. I'd lean on the horn and it would remind me of the real ones I'd sometimes hear wailing into the dark, when the wind was right, off in the distance, right before I feel asleep, safe in my bed.
Sometimes I'd go back to the now 'empty' stocking hung with care and find another special toy hidden in the toe. That was great!
I loved guns. One of my favorite Christmases brought a ping pong ball gun. There was a picture of my dad showing a very young me how to shoot it. This was not my typical dad. Years later, after some drinking, he and my uncle stood in the ocean surf shooting 45s at the moon. How I wish he would have played with me that way.
Christmases are like a cavalcade of time and memory. Benchmarks for family, friends, joy, and loss. I hope they bring you peace and jubilation this year. And maybe you get your ping pong ball gun!
Friday, December 23, 2005
I GOT MY WISH!
72 degrees. Hot sun. Nice breeze. Blue sky. Hip SoCo cafe. As I blew out the one candle on my cheesecake with carmelized bananas on macaroon crust drizzled with mango sauce, I realized, this doesn't suck. Happy Birthday to me.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Christmas Letter 2005
You know, that eggnog was really strong! Glad I only had 6 cups!
Every year we send a letter along with Christmas Cards. It started out as a spoof of those brag letters you get - you know the ones... and evolved into various forms since then. Since we lost some friends' addresses over the years and they just might see this, here is this year's installment.
In previous years I would let my creativity go and it wasn't uncommon that folks would later remark, "I didn't understand all of it, but I enjoyed the part I did." This year I aimed for the whole room. Here it is:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can’t get into the Christmas state of mind, because here in Austin, as I begin this letter (November 7) it will be 87 degrees. Still, Christmas displays are up in stores, and one of my old radio stations in Minneapolis went all-Christmas-music November 4th. Good thing I’m not still there – I’d be suicidal. You can only Rock Around the Christmas Tree so many time before you snap. We drove south on I-35 last January 14th, leaving -14 degrees in Minnesota, sub zero in Iowa, snow in Kansas, to hit the 50s in Texas: and Salvation!
The house wasn’t completely finished when we arrived, and so swarms of workers descended upon us like moths on a lightbulb, for months. My fulltime job became watching for their dirty fingerprints on freshly painted walls, finding Things That Didn’t Work… and so on. It was like CSI meets Home Depot. One day there were 24 workers here. Some of them actually worked. Few spoke English, so I’d speak and they’d pretend and nod. Pretend and nod is a construction sport in border states. I am certain some spoke English well, but were even better Pretenders.
And now, about 10 months later, (Mañana to the 10th power) we still wait for the final list to be completed. We are not alone, as almost everyone here, no matter which builder, has had similar experiences. (One builder works on a property with “free ranging livestock” a.k.a. horses – he told me that the home (by then sheetrocked) was open, and that the horses went in and took a dump!)
Our community has about 36 families in and another 20 or so homes under construction (of eventually 400). The developer merged with a very upscale golf community developer and they have raised prices immediately. As early as we were, I think we qualify for “settler” status. That means we will be shunned by the rich folks, but can have a rotted wagon wheel and cow skull on display.
Local lore is that in the evenings you can hear the lions at the zoo, which sits on the next ridge about three miles away. When I ‘pass gas’ I now claim it was a lion roar. Terri gives me ‘the look.’
Good thing we don’t play golf because a golf membership costs about as much as two of my first house. On top of that are dues, caddy fees, clubhouse tips, and if I were to attempt to play, many lost balls. I figure that if I played once a week, my triple bogeys would cost $500 each. Happily, I found a local pistol/rifle range and will take some golf balls there as targets. Shoot golf? Why sure.
Austin is a neat city. The U, the state capitol, tech biz and the music scene all add up to a delightful mix. But many people have the wrong impression of Texas. Actually, Texas is such a big state (and I’ve driven almost top to bottom and east to west at one time or another over the years) that it has a wide diversity of geographies and attitudes. For example, Dallas is where you’ll find people who wear suits, Fort Worth is where people wear cowboy boots. You’ll find some of either in each, but you get the idea. Then there’s El Paso which is Hispanic for Keep Driving. And Pasadena, outside Houston, is full of chemical plants that regularly blow up. Pasadena is Hispanic for Don’t Light a Match.
Texas mythbusters:
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy is not the state anthem. You can‘t get Longneck (a bottle of beer) in a can. Hardscrabble is dirt, not a board game. Tumbleweeds DO tumble. You often DO hear the coyote’s wail, on the trail. Willie Nelson doesn’t smoke Newports. You cannot wear spurs in a water bed. Armadillos are not battery powered. “Ahm a’fixin’ to fix the fax” is a possible sentence in these here parts.
You can get to these here parts if you drive thataway.
Terri worked at Wells Fargo for a while but prefers more interaction with realtors so has joined LAND MORTGAGE which isn’t just about land. They are affiliated with the largest realty company here. She’s the David Copperfield of Loans. That means she works magic. I just hope she doesn’t saw me in half.
There’s a bumper sticker and unofficial slogan KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD. Just doin’ my part.
Today it’s November 23rd as I write this part. 82 degrees and low humidity at 12:50PM. Some trees are showing some color. This is worth a good gloat as we put on shorts and honor our northern friends. Ice-melt dues paid in full, thank you.
Time flies. But it sits in a cramped seat with a late departure and no peanuts. And it can’t use the restroom while the “fasten Seat Belt” light is lit. But still, it flies on frequent-flier miles. New homes are popping up as if the picture is speeded up. Our community is becoming just that. We love it here.
The only downside is that so many friends are scattered all over North America. If only we could see you more often, it’d be so much better. Well, there’s always the internet, phone, etc.
We wish you a very happy holiday season and great New Year.
Bob and Terri Wood
www.woodsgoods.blogspot.com (Bob comments on anything)
www.woodsgoods2.blogspot.com (Bob’s Home Theater blog)
www.spanish-oaks.blogspot.com (Bob’s neighborhood blog)
www.GreatHomeTheater.com (Bob’s website)
www.internet-marketing-advisors.com Soon to be Bob's new website consultation business. If you click on it before January 1 and it's up, it is a work in progress with elements missing.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Decaf follies
"Wekatumidonkas" - translation: Welcome to McDonalds.
I speak with clear slow announcer tones into the speaker at drive thru:
"I'd like a LARGE DECAF COFFEE with 4 CREAMS PLEASE."
"Smalldikaff"
No, LARGE DECAF WITH 4 CREAMS.
The screen, mercifully, is in English. It's correct.
"adallufsivintytupleasepullarind"
...Just another Manic Monday!
A sidebar, as my friend Kevin would say:
My father, in Paris, with itchy toe - I assume, athlete's foot, tried out his high school French in a drug store... and apparently tried to order cheese for his shoe.
I speak with clear slow announcer tones into the speaker at drive thru:
"I'd like a LARGE DECAF COFFEE with 4 CREAMS PLEASE."
"Smalldikaff"
No, LARGE DECAF WITH 4 CREAMS.
The screen, mercifully, is in English. It's correct.
"adallufsivintytupleasepullarind"
...Just another Manic Monday!
A sidebar, as my friend Kevin would say:
My father, in Paris, with itchy toe - I assume, athlete's foot, tried out his high school French in a drug store... and apparently tried to order cheese for his shoe.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
LIONS INVADE
Neighbors just put up LIONS - full size stone ones - on either side of the end of their pool. These beasts can be seen by anyone nearby. There sure wasn't anything pictured like that in the Living In Union With Nature brochure for this development.
Somebody please call the Ostentatious Department of the Police!
Somebody please call the Ostentatious Department of the Police!
Saturday, December 17, 2005
LADIES PLAY
HERE's one for the ladies The click on the orange circle. When the page opens bigger, click on it again.
Click on that link to discover the truth behind magazine covers. Also known as "what Photoshop can do" (amazing retouching!) this will help any person with poor body self-image due to the constant media barrage of "beautiful people."
And Merry Christmas.
Click on that link to discover the truth behind magazine covers. Also known as "what Photoshop can do" (amazing retouching!) this will help any person with poor body self-image due to the constant media barrage of "beautiful people."
And Merry Christmas.
Friday, December 16, 2005
The Apprentice
Donald Trump hired his fourth apprentice on Thursday, choosing consulting firm CEO Randal Pinkett during a live telecast of the finale of NBC's "The Apprentice."
Trump chose Pinkett over financial journalist Rebecca Jarvis THEN asked him if he should also hire Rebecca, who was as impressive as a 23 year older could possibly be. And I only mention her age because she was amazingly mature, tremendously capable, and good natured. Randal said no.
Both were outstanding.
Trump offered Pinkett, the first African-American to win the apprentice job, his choice of supervising either the construction of a luxury condo complex in Jersey City or the expansion and renovation of his three Atlantic City casinos. Pinkett, 34, chose the latter job, which will last at least one year and possibly longer.
Pinkett is a star. Trump hired a great find.
Randal answered the Donald that The Apprentice was a ONE WINNER contest and that it should stay that way; Trump then didn't hire Rebecca, but he clearly wanted to.
I hope he reconsiders.
What a classless move on Pinkett's part. He simply gave the wrong answer at the last moment.
Trump chose Pinkett over financial journalist Rebecca Jarvis THEN asked him if he should also hire Rebecca, who was as impressive as a 23 year older could possibly be. And I only mention her age because she was amazingly mature, tremendously capable, and good natured. Randal said no.
Both were outstanding.
Trump offered Pinkett, the first African-American to win the apprentice job, his choice of supervising either the construction of a luxury condo complex in Jersey City or the expansion and renovation of his three Atlantic City casinos. Pinkett, 34, chose the latter job, which will last at least one year and possibly longer.
Pinkett is a star. Trump hired a great find.
Randal answered the Donald that The Apprentice was a ONE WINNER contest and that it should stay that way; Trump then didn't hire Rebecca, but he clearly wanted to.
I hope he reconsiders.
What a classless move on Pinkett's part. He simply gave the wrong answer at the last moment.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
DUPONT TO PAY RECORD EPA FINE.
Okay, play along with me, please.
DuPont (which admits no wrongdoing; I assume because if they did they'd be liable for damages someday) makes a toxic chemical. It's Perflourooctanoic acid (aka PFOA). It's been around for 50 years.
It's in probably in your blood as it was in 95% of Americans tested.
It persists in the environment indefinitely.
It migrates long distances in the air.
It's been found in the blood of polar bears near the North Pole.
EPA says it passes to fetuses in the womb. In animal tests it caused birth defects. DuPont knew this since 1981.
Last year DuPont agreed to pay West Virginians who had their drinking water contaminated up to #342 million.
DuPont reported $27 BILLION in net sales last year.
The EPA's fine? 16.6 million, with another 10.25 million as a civil fine.
Now shake your head with me. It just doesn't seem right. So little does.
DuPont (which admits no wrongdoing; I assume because if they did they'd be liable for damages someday) makes a toxic chemical. It's Perflourooctanoic acid (aka PFOA). It's been around for 50 years.
It's in probably in your blood as it was in 95% of Americans tested.
It persists in the environment indefinitely.
It migrates long distances in the air.
It's been found in the blood of polar bears near the North Pole.
EPA says it passes to fetuses in the womb. In animal tests it caused birth defects. DuPont knew this since 1981.
Last year DuPont agreed to pay West Virginians who had their drinking water contaminated up to #342 million.
DuPont reported $27 BILLION in net sales last year.
The EPA's fine? 16.6 million, with another 10.25 million as a civil fine.
Now shake your head with me. It just doesn't seem right. So little does.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
HOW WOMEN CHECK YOU CHECK THEM!!
Here’s how girls know if you’re checking them out. They yawn while looking away. Then five seconds later, they turn around and look at you. If you’re yawning, dude, you’re busted.
I read this on another blog and pass it along to any male readers for whom it can prove to be good intelligence.
When you get older, you just yawn and fart. If you can fart gold, women will smile at you. Otherwise, they give you "the look."
I read this on another blog and pass it along to any male readers for whom it can prove to be good intelligence.
When you get older, you just yawn and fart. If you can fart gold, women will smile at you. Otherwise, they give you "the look."
THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS
When I programmed a radio station in Houston, we had a good ole earth dog of an engineer. I liked his voice. He was quite the character. We also had a young gofer hanging around (he later went on to program!)
I wrote and aired a promo which still tickles me whenever I think of it. Something like this:
DAD (Almost stoned Earthdog) "SON?"
KID "Yes Dad"
DAD "You know you're gettin' older now and I think it's time you knew..."
KID "Knew what dad?"
DAD "About Christmas."
KID "Christmas?"
DAD "Yeah. See Christmas isn't about Santa Claus and gifts..."
KID "It isn't?"
DAD "No, the true meaning of Christmas is.... BIG BULBS! Just like a lot of things you'll discover later in life, BIGGER is BETTER!"
And off it went into a Christmas Light promotion. There was also a line about all the cats leaving the neighborhood because of the lazers he had put into the plastic reindeer. That's how I remember it - the guys acted it out with such fatherly advice versus boyish innocense.
The good old days. Before everything got corporate. And that radio station... in Houston, Texas, was owned by (I am not making this up) Eskimoes.
I wrote and aired a promo which still tickles me whenever I think of it. Something like this:
DAD (Almost stoned Earthdog) "SON?"
KID "Yes Dad"
DAD "You know you're gettin' older now and I think it's time you knew..."
KID "Knew what dad?"
DAD "About Christmas."
KID "Christmas?"
DAD "Yeah. See Christmas isn't about Santa Claus and gifts..."
KID "It isn't?"
DAD "No, the true meaning of Christmas is.... BIG BULBS! Just like a lot of things you'll discover later in life, BIGGER is BETTER!"
And off it went into a Christmas Light promotion. There was also a line about all the cats leaving the neighborhood because of the lazers he had put into the plastic reindeer. That's how I remember it - the guys acted it out with such fatherly advice versus boyish innocense.
The good old days. Before everything got corporate. And that radio station... in Houston, Texas, was owned by (I am not making this up) Eskimoes.
FIBER DIET, CANCER RISK UNRELATED
Was the headline on page A20 of today's Austin American-Statesman. Nice. I had already eaten pages A-1 through A-19 as an excellent source of fiber, to help prevent colorectal cancer! I had been shredding the paper and eating it with milk and a spoonful of brown sugar ever since they stopped using Lead-Based and switched to Soy-Based ink.
This story is from today's Journal of The American Medical Association, so you know it must be true.
So now it's a free for all in junk food land.
All over the Austinworld, all three kids who read the paper as deep as page A-20 will rejoice. Mom was wrong. No more pencil shavings for lunch! No more broccoli. (And have you ever noticed how E Coli bears a strange brotherhood with the spelling of Broccoli anyway? Mighty suspicious!)
It seems like everything is topsy turvy (which fails an SUV in Rollover Tests by the Insurance Institute of America)... what was good is usually discovered to be bad, what was bad is now good. This doesn't explain why NBC banned a video snippet of Pamela Anderson pole dancing in an Elton John video.
Me, I've been suspicious of authority ever since I didn't go blind.
This story is from today's Journal of The American Medical Association, so you know it must be true.
So now it's a free for all in junk food land.
All over the Austinworld, all three kids who read the paper as deep as page A-20 will rejoice. Mom was wrong. No more pencil shavings for lunch! No more broccoli. (And have you ever noticed how E Coli bears a strange brotherhood with the spelling of Broccoli anyway? Mighty suspicious!)
It seems like everything is topsy turvy (which fails an SUV in Rollover Tests by the Insurance Institute of America)... what was good is usually discovered to be bad, what was bad is now good. This doesn't explain why NBC banned a video snippet of Pamela Anderson pole dancing in an Elton John video.
Me, I've been suspicious of authority ever since I didn't go blind.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
WARNING TO MEN!
Last night while watching TiVo TV, I heard just a piece of an advertisement as I hit high speed skip. It shouted "DIAMOND BRACELET for THIRTY NINE NINETY FIVE." I said, "Huh?" "They mean $3995.00? They HAVE to mean $3995! It couldn't be $39.95! Could it?" I hit the backup button. Yup. $39.95
Here's a news flash - an urban legend - It ISN'T (ALWAYS) "the thought that counts."
Give her a $39.95 diamond bracelet and prepare to eat out of a can for a while. Maybe in the snow or rain. Sleep with the dog. Write a country song: "I screwed myself for $39.95."
I fear for any man - no matter how disadvantaged or down on his luck who comes home with a $39.95 Diamond Bracelet.
Maybe it's a BAIT and SWITCH thing. You go in and say, "I'd like the $39.95 Diamond Bracelet, please." The clerk stares at you with eyes that say "Here's a guy who won't have sex except alone for a long long time." And they bring the piece out under the 4 megawatt special jeweler lighting that makes coal sparkle. You squint. There appears to be a glint. It's the $39.95 glint. The goodbye kiss in semi-preciousness.
A sidebar: diamonds aren't even precious stones. They are a strictly controlled market that drives prices up along with great marketing. Look it up. They don't want you to know it, but it's true.
So you see the glint. "Uh, what's the next size up?" "Oh, HERE'S a nice one... NINETEENNINETYFIVE." Now you get a glimmer and a sparkle. Then it dawns on you: "ONE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED NINETY FIVE dollars." "Uh, A little more than I was hoping to spend."
Run away.
Buy something so foo-foo (spelled frou-frou, but I don't think that's common) that you'd be embarrassed to buy it. You stand a much better chance bringing THAT under the Christmas tree.
Men, we must stand united. There are rules to the universe we don't all learn. Let others guide you through the maze. Merry Christmas.
Here's a news flash - an urban legend - It ISN'T (ALWAYS) "the thought that counts."
Give her a $39.95 diamond bracelet and prepare to eat out of a can for a while. Maybe in the snow or rain. Sleep with the dog. Write a country song: "I screwed myself for $39.95."
I fear for any man - no matter how disadvantaged or down on his luck who comes home with a $39.95 Diamond Bracelet.
Maybe it's a BAIT and SWITCH thing. You go in and say, "I'd like the $39.95 Diamond Bracelet, please." The clerk stares at you with eyes that say "Here's a guy who won't have sex except alone for a long long time." And they bring the piece out under the 4 megawatt special jeweler lighting that makes coal sparkle. You squint. There appears to be a glint. It's the $39.95 glint. The goodbye kiss in semi-preciousness.
A sidebar: diamonds aren't even precious stones. They are a strictly controlled market that drives prices up along with great marketing. Look it up. They don't want you to know it, but it's true.
So you see the glint. "Uh, what's the next size up?" "Oh, HERE'S a nice one... NINETEENNINETYFIVE." Now you get a glimmer and a sparkle. Then it dawns on you: "ONE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED NINETY FIVE dollars." "Uh, A little more than I was hoping to spend."
Run away.
Buy something so foo-foo (spelled frou-frou, but I don't think that's common) that you'd be embarrassed to buy it. You stand a much better chance bringing THAT under the Christmas tree.
Men, we must stand united. There are rules to the universe we don't all learn. Let others guide you through the maze. Merry Christmas.
Monday, December 12, 2005
NEW WEBSITE
I am working feverishly on a new project - a website optimization business. It's amazing how many BAD websites there are - and I'm not being Mister Designer here, I'm talking about websites which are no more than poorly constructed billboards for businesses. They languish largely unseen, either ignoring or violating the principles which determine prominence. Some are built and forgotten. "Websites don't work," is the thought that often follows. That's wrong thinking.
Meanwhile in 2004, 812 million people used the web(Source: Neilsen/NetRatings)
and Consumers spent $117 BILLION online (Source: ComScore)
Clearly this is the hot new medium. I want my piece. I see a need. Once up, I will tout the site and service here fyi. It should only be a matter of days.
I am using a different building program which is HEAD AND SHOULDERS above the one I used on http://www.GreatHomeTheater.com. It's better in every way.
Meanwhile in 2004, 812 million people used the web(Source: Neilsen/NetRatings)
and Consumers spent $117 BILLION online (Source: ComScore)
Clearly this is the hot new medium. I want my piece. I see a need. Once up, I will tout the site and service here fyi. It should only be a matter of days.
I am using a different building program which is HEAD AND SHOULDERS above the one I used on http://www.GreatHomeTheater.com. It's better in every way.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
SMOKING GASOLINE
I've never had luck with weed wackers. They die soon after the warranty explodes, I mean, expires. The one I have now has two states of running (admittedly intermittent and rare) - in one state the motor turns the nylon strips in a clockwise fashion, the way you'd expect. In the other, it goes back and forth, about 180 degrees one way, then reverses and goes 180 degrees the other. It shudders a lot while doing this which must be the shudder of the laws of mechanical motion being violated.
One day recently we went into the garage and smelled gas. I crawled down to critter eye level and looked for dangerous puddles under the cars. Nothing. Then Terri discovered that the weedwacker had sprung a leak.
I banished it to the outside.
Nothing looks loose, and nothing appears disconnected.
Just now I decided to try to start it and sure enough, it cranked after a few hundred pulls. Okay, I exaggerate, but I still have that spasm in my right arm from all that yanking and I tell ya it's hard to type. Or keyboard.
(You still type at keyboards? Just like CDs are records?)
Anyway, I ran the wacker all along the places that needed trimming up to a point at which it crapped out for no reason. I noticed the dripping gas was smoking. Time to call it a wacked-day and walk-away.
Yesterday I pulled on the lawnmower so many times I think I'm permanently crooked. It was only after rigor-armis set in that I discovered the spark plug cap had come off.
I tell ya, Steve Martin will play me in the movie.
One day recently we went into the garage and smelled gas. I crawled down to critter eye level and looked for dangerous puddles under the cars. Nothing. Then Terri discovered that the weedwacker had sprung a leak.
I banished it to the outside.
Nothing looks loose, and nothing appears disconnected.
Just now I decided to try to start it and sure enough, it cranked after a few hundred pulls. Okay, I exaggerate, but I still have that spasm in my right arm from all that yanking and I tell ya it's hard to type. Or keyboard.
(You still type at keyboards? Just like CDs are records?)
Anyway, I ran the wacker all along the places that needed trimming up to a point at which it crapped out for no reason. I noticed the dripping gas was smoking. Time to call it a wacked-day and walk-away.
Yesterday I pulled on the lawnmower so many times I think I'm permanently crooked. It was only after rigor-armis set in that I discovered the spark plug cap had come off.
I tell ya, Steve Martin will play me in the movie.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Gas leak. (Excuse me.)
I'd like to think Steve Martin would play me in a movie of my life.
Yesterday was COLD. Texas cold. Cars were swerving off roads by the scores. Many workplaces and schools shut down. We had a quarter inch of ice. The psychological damage is as great as the fender bending.
We declared it time to light the gas logs.
After years of real wood, my namesake, after all, years of being ripped off by the traveling log salesmen - "got this load of oak in the truck... $80 a cord." (That's a face cord, half the size of a cord. A reduction like that would blow a drug deal up in gunfire!) Well, the oak would turn into pine just below where you could see it. Or it'd be pungent toxic chemical-smell tree, direct from Love Canal or any other EPA skull and crossbone forrest. I also bought cords of won'tburn logs.
So when we moved to these here parts, we opted for a gas fireplace. No wood salesmen, no termites in the woodpile, no spiders to torch, no snakes a-hiding.
Yessiree, got us a two sided wide baby. Got the upgraded ceramic logs with texture and even the ember glow pieces (sold by the GRAM). All went well upon install, last winter. Thursday, I fired it up again. Make that, turned the handle. Lit the lighter. Probed for the pilot. It would light, then go out. I actually read the instructions.
Our knob is upside down. That's confusing.
Finally, I called the guy who sold it. He came by today - nice guy - and lit it right up. See, I was lighting the GAS LEAK, not the pilot.
Long story short, he replaced the explosion-in-your-face part and got it going.
The living room and kitchen are about 95 degrees now. I don't want to turn it off till Terri sees flame (and warms her work-weary butt cheeks on our hearth.)
Yesterday was COLD. Texas cold. Cars were swerving off roads by the scores. Many workplaces and schools shut down. We had a quarter inch of ice. The psychological damage is as great as the fender bending.
We declared it time to light the gas logs.
After years of real wood, my namesake, after all, years of being ripped off by the traveling log salesmen - "got this load of oak in the truck... $80 a cord." (That's a face cord, half the size of a cord. A reduction like that would blow a drug deal up in gunfire!) Well, the oak would turn into pine just below where you could see it. Or it'd be pungent toxic chemical-smell tree, direct from Love Canal or any other EPA skull and crossbone forrest. I also bought cords of won'tburn logs.
So when we moved to these here parts, we opted for a gas fireplace. No wood salesmen, no termites in the woodpile, no spiders to torch, no snakes a-hiding.
Yessiree, got us a two sided wide baby. Got the upgraded ceramic logs with texture and even the ember glow pieces (sold by the GRAM). All went well upon install, last winter. Thursday, I fired it up again. Make that, turned the handle. Lit the lighter. Probed for the pilot. It would light, then go out. I actually read the instructions.
Our knob is upside down. That's confusing.
Finally, I called the guy who sold it. He came by today - nice guy - and lit it right up. See, I was lighting the GAS LEAK, not the pilot.
Long story short, he replaced the explosion-in-your-face part and got it going.
The living room and kitchen are about 95 degrees now. I don't want to turn it off till Terri sees flame (and warms her work-weary butt cheeks on our hearth.)
Thursday, December 08, 2005
CHRISTMAS PART TWO
Frost and frozen rain in Our Part of Texas. Are we haunted? I swear I smell Minneapolis in the north wind.
If you have trouble getting into the Christmas Spirit, this may be why:
RE: Organizational Changes at the North Pole
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was necessary due to the North Pole's loss of dominance
of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels
and mail order catalogs have diminished Santa's market share.
He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of
a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity
from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School,
is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental
emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press. I am
pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition
still counts for something at the North Pole. Management denies, in the
strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way,
not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was
into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate
comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time
of year when he is known to be under executive stress.
As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole
to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately,
the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas"
subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out
to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging
plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective.
In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned.
The positions are therefore eliminated;
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a
call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been
calling, how often and how long they talked;
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious
metals as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order;
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.
It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is
an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and
an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that
from now on every goose it gets will be a good one;
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order.
The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
enhance their outplacement;
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.
The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.
Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of
international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest
replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability
may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect
an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the
band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music
and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line;
We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals,
and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching
deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day,
service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's
association seeking expansion to include the legal profession
("thirteen lawyers-a-suing) action is pending.
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary
in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request
management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs
is the right number.
Not my writing, but so right! Don't know who gets the credit, but they probably will be the ones with coal in their stocking. My ex-boss - a hard working, really good man, was fired this past week by a greedy company which will remain nameless (their initials are both Cs). I dedicate this post to him.
If you have trouble getting into the Christmas Spirit, this may be why:
RE: Organizational Changes at the North Pole
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was necessary due to the North Pole's loss of dominance
of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels
and mail order catalogs have diminished Santa's market share.
He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of
a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity
from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School,
is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental
emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press. I am
pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition
still counts for something at the North Pole. Management denies, in the
strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way,
not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was
into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate
comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time
of year when he is known to be under executive stress.
As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole
to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately,
the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas"
subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out
to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging
plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective.
In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned.
The positions are therefore eliminated;
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a
call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been
calling, how often and how long they talked;
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious
metals as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order;
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.
It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is
an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and
an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that
from now on every goose it gets will be a good one;
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order.
The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
enhance their outplacement;
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.
The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.
Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of
international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest
replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability
may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect
an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the
band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music
and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line;
We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals,
and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching
deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day,
service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's
association seeking expansion to include the legal profession
("thirteen lawyers-a-suing) action is pending.
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary
in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request
management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs
is the right number.
Not my writing, but so right! Don't know who gets the credit, but they probably will be the ones with coal in their stocking. My ex-boss - a hard working, really good man, was fired this past week by a greedy company which will remain nameless (their initials are both Cs). I dedicate this post to him.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Revenge of the Blue North
I knew I KNEW I shouldn't have mentioned the cold in Minnesota. It's like antagonizing the guy holding the shotgun aimed at your face. Where does the cold air go? It goes south.
Today the pool was steaming. And, no, the heat isn't on.
FROST has struck!
And... shudder... a WINTER STORM WARNING. Hysterical weather stooges have the look of grandma at a prune store after 3 days of constipation.
It was 84 on Saturday and now this reminder of the last 12 years comes sliding through Iowa, Kansas, Oklahoma, and into Texas. Our border is NOT secure.
It even made us drag out the Christmas Tree. Our Christmas Tree is the yule equivalent of a stuffed dear. Lots of lights, even ones that don't work, are sewn by Malaysian factory slaves into the green plastic of the 1024 branches and tips.
I avoided death by attic Brown Recluse Spider. I avoided sticking my toe into the attic mousetraps. I missed falling down the stairs, and the impaling by aluminum tree spike as I fell.
Is that the Christmas spirit I feel? Or a dust allergy?
Today the pool was steaming. And, no, the heat isn't on.
FROST has struck!
And... shudder... a WINTER STORM WARNING. Hysterical weather stooges have the look of grandma at a prune store after 3 days of constipation.
It was 84 on Saturday and now this reminder of the last 12 years comes sliding through Iowa, Kansas, Oklahoma, and into Texas. Our border is NOT secure.
It even made us drag out the Christmas Tree. Our Christmas Tree is the yule equivalent of a stuffed dear. Lots of lights, even ones that don't work, are sewn by Malaysian factory slaves into the green plastic of the 1024 branches and tips.
I avoided death by attic Brown Recluse Spider. I avoided sticking my toe into the attic mousetraps. I missed falling down the stairs, and the impaling by aluminum tree spike as I fell.
Is that the Christmas spirit I feel? Or a dust allergy?
Sunday, December 04, 2005
LOOKS LIKE SNOW?
Today Terri said "It looks like snow," It does, except it's 50 degrees (and cloudy.)
One reason we picked Austin was climate - it's nicely Sunny a LOT and almost never snows. It's warmer than Minneapolis by a good 20 degrees at worst.
In Minneapolis we had -60 Fahrenheit one day one winter. Not wind chill. That was the record. For highs, I think we were just under 110. This ravages the paint on your home. Every three years you need fresh paint. In five years, you were the neighborhood disgrace!
Salt ravages the car.
The plows would ravage my front yard grass, plowing the whole cul-de-sac onto it. Every spring there'd be 6 feet or so of piled, compacted, salt-laden BERG, rotting my grass and killing any hopes of good spring green. Spring = May. March gives hope, but it's false. April is a tease like a sexy co-ed. May would be spring, then summer. Part of the resilience of the folks up north is their optimism. End of February - 'we're almost out of it.' End of March: 'here she comes.' April: 'any day now.'
I do kind of miss the Christmas light wars, though.
If you haven't seen this video of these Christmas lights you should - watch the whole thing though! Click here and feel for the neighbors!The Today Show just featured that Christmas house with all the lights and music!
The guy’s an engineer (obviously), and works for GE. They’re in Ohio.
In order not to bother the neighbors with the sound, he broadcasts the music on a low power FM “station”, and people listen in their cars, when they get in the neighborhood.
One reason we picked Austin was climate - it's nicely Sunny a LOT and almost never snows. It's warmer than Minneapolis by a good 20 degrees at worst.
In Minneapolis we had -60 Fahrenheit one day one winter. Not wind chill. That was the record. For highs, I think we were just under 110. This ravages the paint on your home. Every three years you need fresh paint. In five years, you were the neighborhood disgrace!
Salt ravages the car.
The plows would ravage my front yard grass, plowing the whole cul-de-sac onto it. Every spring there'd be 6 feet or so of piled, compacted, salt-laden BERG, rotting my grass and killing any hopes of good spring green. Spring = May. March gives hope, but it's false. April is a tease like a sexy co-ed. May would be spring, then summer. Part of the resilience of the folks up north is their optimism. End of February - 'we're almost out of it.' End of March: 'here she comes.' April: 'any day now.'
I do kind of miss the Christmas light wars, though.
If you haven't seen this video of these Christmas lights you should - watch the whole thing though! Click here and feel for the neighbors!The Today Show just featured that Christmas house with all the lights and music!
The guy’s an engineer (obviously), and works for GE. They’re in Ohio.
In order not to bother the neighbors with the sound, he broadcasts the music on a low power FM “station”, and people listen in their cars, when they get in the neighborhood.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
It's beginning to look a lot like SUM-mer
Predicted high today in Austin - 84. 60 degrees warmer than our old home.
To be fair to the blue northers, it will be much cooler this week... down to 48 as a high later in the week.
Funny how your perspective changes. That would be GREAT in Minnesota, but is chilly here, because our blood is thin.
I realize that without hearing constant Christmas music (on the radio station I programmed) and without working in a mall full of decorations, and having no kids, the spirit hasn't moved me yet.
However, it probably has you in its grasp, so here:
TEQUILA COOKIES
1 cup of dark brown sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup of granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try
another cup ... just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor...
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck
in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the
Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a
spoon of sugar, or
somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, FINISH
the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
To be fair to the blue northers, it will be much cooler this week... down to 48 as a high later in the week.
Funny how your perspective changes. That would be GREAT in Minnesota, but is chilly here, because our blood is thin.
I realize that without hearing constant Christmas music (on the radio station I programmed) and without working in a mall full of decorations, and having no kids, the spirit hasn't moved me yet.
However, it probably has you in its grasp, so here:
TEQUILA COOKIES
1 cup of dark brown sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup of granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try
another cup ... just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor...
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck
in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the
Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a
spoon of sugar, or
somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, FINISH
the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
Friday, December 02, 2005
CHRISTMAS 2005 Part One
A local food chain wanted to do something special for Christmas. Or the holiday season, to be more PC. (Sorry, to me it will always be CHRISTMAS. You can keep Kwanza or June Teenth or Festivus or whatever you want and enjoy that all for celebratin' self... it's CHRISTMAS to me. No shame in it. It's okay with Hallmark. Blame it and everything else on my parents. Mr. Shegog, the next door neighbor, pretended to be Santa. I believed. To this day, whenever I smell felt - the green on my Lionel train board that went under the tree... or see a sparkle - the twinkling lights and reflective wondrous ornaments... or hear really good cursing - my dad putting up the tree on the train board and getting a shock or two from the lights, while I was tucked away in bed with visions of CHRISTMAS, I think of Santa, Bethlehem, Stocking hung with care, wrapping paper, pine smell and my lost innocence.
Where was I?
The food chain wanted to do something special. They put up an ice skating rink on their roof. It's about 40 x 60. Saturday it will be 84 degrees here. Guess where all the TV stations will do their remote shot?
I once staged a snow storm on the hottest day of a hot spell in Montreal... it was in the 90s (before metrification, thank you.) We got coverage in 5 of the then 6 daily papers. Front page on 4, full front page on one (in color!) Local and network news (twice.) This was for the radio station for which I worked.
Years later I wanted to get my morning show to drive a refrigerated truck full of snow 'for the children' somewhere south... but couldn't arrange.
Know what? I can't get into the Christmas spirit... can't drag the tree out of hiding yet. Must be the weather. Or the lack of REAL cold. Displaced in time and space, that's me!
I give Terri credit for the joke below. I chuckle everytime I see it or think about it.
Where was I?
The food chain wanted to do something special. They put up an ice skating rink on their roof. It's about 40 x 60. Saturday it will be 84 degrees here. Guess where all the TV stations will do their remote shot?
I once staged a snow storm on the hottest day of a hot spell in Montreal... it was in the 90s (before metrification, thank you.) We got coverage in 5 of the then 6 daily papers. Front page on 4, full front page on one (in color!) Local and network news (twice.) This was for the radio station for which I worked.
Years later I wanted to get my morning show to drive a refrigerated truck full of snow 'for the children' somewhere south... but couldn't arrange.
Know what? I can't get into the Christmas spirit... can't drag the tree out of hiding yet. Must be the weather. Or the lack of REAL cold. Displaced in time and space, that's me!
I give Terri credit for the joke below. I chuckle everytime I see it or think about it.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
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