Saturday, July 21, 2012


My name is Bob.  (Hello Bob)

I am an ice cream-junkie.  Mine is the addiction that consumes half-gallons in record time.
I can stop.  It's easiest to stop when the half-gallon is empty.  I make promises to myself.  No more.  Give it a rest.  Time out.

But then... it HAS been hot and I just crave something cold and sweet.  I concoct some rationalization that I DESERVE ice cream.

And so, having lived all over, having eaten ice cream all over, and having a passion for the subject, here is my ice cream breakdown.  Ice cream is basically several elements mixed in various combinations: sweetness, creaminess, airiness, and strength of flavor.

This is the jolt of sweet you get.  It can lean sugary or syrupy.  I can't remember the name of the company, but in Buffalo you could get this WONDERFUL sweet ice cream.  Very sugary and a great combination of everything else. Less creamy than the creamiest, which is good, because you don't want a fight to break out between a snap of sweetness and creaminess.

You'd expect creamy to equate with cream a la cow, but it is more.  Emulsifiers or other chemical treats can make things froth, and have the touch of creamy, but it ain't.

It's  better when the creaminess is bovine.

The difference between custard and ice cream is because custard has more butter fat, which is like cream, but is a part of cream.

More air = less weight = less stuff = more profit.  Really ruins the taste.  Haagen Dazs, for example, is dense, probably at one end of the scale of dense to light 'n' airy.  Store brands seem to tend to airy. I think it's the mark of cheapness.  More air, less cow.

Suddenly, it's ice MILK as the butter fat drops and there seems to be a watery consistency.

Strength of Flavor.
Blue Bell, here in Austin, is made just down the road in Brenham, is world class to my taste, and slightly muted in flavor.  That can tease you into having seconds and even thirds because it's not as an extreme sensation as it'd be if the flavor was more amped up.  Baskin-Robbins is stronger.  I think Blue Bell is very close to as good as it gets.

I once had home-made pepper ice cream.  A dry dry moisture content complimented the peppery overlay perfectly.  The moisture approached Gelato, but dry.  Maybe it was colder.

Various brands vary in their flavor strength.  Baskin Robbins is stronger than Blue Bell.

I like ice cream hard, but then I let it melt and eat the melt first.

I am addicted.  (Hello Bob)

About nuts.
Nuts are not ice cream.  They take up space that could be ice cream.  Put em on if you like at home, but leave nuts, marshmallows, ball bearings, marbles and bbs out of ice cream you are selling me.

Thursday, July 12, 2012


I am writing this one to encourage resolution to an injustice.  I welcome your support.  For too long this situation has persisted, and those who would benefit most are unable to help themselves in this matter, are denied the ability to rally public sentiment, or even speak on their own behalf.

I am taking this up on behalf of dogs everywhere - our loyal, loving, four-footed friends.  They can't use facebook - they can't twitter - they can't get the local paper to do a canine-interest story.  You might never know their deprivation as they sit quietly licking themselves, or chewing on your shoe.

Why is there catnip but not dognip?

Give tabby a snort of the mouse-filled-with-nip and there's immediate gratification: much more so than even when Bubba has a good chaw 'n' spitcup going at a NASCAR event!  The cat practically floats into the air, bounces off walls, happily nuts.  But there is no alternative for dogs.  It's unfair.

And while the DEA may indeed expand the War on Drugs to include catnip as a gateway drug, our little Chester or your little Spot has little but rabbit turds to elevate his mood.

I would like to invite you to join me in a new organization - we'll call it AARF.  Let's bring a smile to man's best friend!  Donations are encouraged.


And while I am thinking about things, if cash-strapped NASA would join forces with our most popular spectator sport and become NASACAR, well, the synergies would be an immediate win-win. I foresee a 2 second quarter mile run in the very near future.


Two people recently mentioned to me they enjoy my blog.  To them and you I say a big MERCI!

Sunday, July 01, 2012


I walk Chester every morning and evening.  Today, at about 6:45AM, we were on a nice quiet stretch of neighborhood road.  It's so quiet back there, with good distance sightlines, that I can see no car is coming, so I will sometimes let Chester run.  He's really good at coming when called.


Unless someone has thoughtfully plastic-bagged and tied another dogs's deposit then left it on the grass where Chester's super nose can smell it and it will call to him.

He grabs the bag and before I can yell "come" it is gone.  GONE.

I walk up to him and wave a piece of pork - a special treat I carry in a treat bag ($8.95 at Petsmart.)
He isn't moving.  I discover he has the whole bag and contents, in his mouth with nothing hanging over the teeth.  I command him to "Drop It."  He looks back at me with a shit-eating stare.

I take action.  I pry Chester's mouth open and reach in and retrieve the baggie.  Perhaps his needle-like teeth have punctured the bag - I don't do an exam - I throw it away.

Grossed out.