Christmas Letter 2005

You know, that eggnog was really strong! Glad I only had 6 cups!

Every year we send a letter along with Christmas Cards. It started out as a spoof of those brag letters you get - you know the ones... and evolved into various forms since then. Since we lost some friends' addresses over the years and they just might see this, here is this year's installment.

In previous years I would let my creativity go and it wasn't uncommon that folks would later remark, "I didn't understand all of it, but I enjoyed the part I did." This year I aimed for the whole room. Here it is:

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I can’t get into the Christmas state of mind, because here in Austin, as I begin this letter (November 7) it will be 87 degrees. Still, Christmas displays are up in stores, and one of my old radio stations in Minneapolis went all-Christmas-music November 4th. Good thing I’m not still there – I’d be suicidal. You can only Rock Around the Christmas Tree so many time before you snap. We drove south on I-35 last January 14th, leaving -14 degrees in Minnesota, sub zero in Iowa, snow in Kansas, to hit the 50s in Texas: and Salvation!

The house wasn’t completely finished when we arrived, and so swarms of workers descended upon us like moths on a lightbulb, for months. My fulltime job became watching for their dirty fingerprints on freshly painted walls, finding Things That Didn’t Work… and so on. It was like CSI meets Home Depot. One day there were 24 workers here. Some of them actually worked. Few spoke English, so I’d speak and they’d pretend and nod. Pretend and nod is a construction sport in border states. I am certain some spoke English well, but were even better Pretenders.

And now, about 10 months later, (Mañana to the 10th power) we still wait for the final list to be completed. We are not alone, as almost everyone here, no matter which builder, has had similar experiences. (One builder works on a property with “free ranging livestock” a.k.a. horses – he told me that the home (by then sheetrocked) was open, and that the horses went in and took a dump!)

Our community has about 36 families in and another 20 or so homes under construction (of eventually 400). The developer merged with a very upscale golf community developer and they have raised prices immediately. As early as we were, I think we qualify for “settler” status. That means we will be shunned by the rich folks, but can have a rotted wagon wheel and cow skull on display.

Local lore is that in the evenings you can hear the lions at the zoo, which sits on the next ridge about three miles away. When I ‘pass gas’ I now claim it was a lion roar. Terri gives me ‘the look.’

Good thing we don’t play golf because a golf membership costs about as much as two of my first house. On top of that are dues, caddy fees, clubhouse tips, and if I were to attempt to play, many lost balls. I figure that if I played once a week, my triple bogeys would cost $500 each. Happily, I found a local pistol/rifle range and will take some golf balls there as targets. Shoot golf? Why sure.

Austin is a neat city. The U, the state capitol, tech biz and the music scene all add up to a delightful mix. But many people have the wrong impression of Texas. Actually, Texas is such a big state (and I’ve driven almost top to bottom and east to west at one time or another over the years) that it has a wide diversity of geographies and attitudes. For example, Dallas is where you’ll find people who wear suits, Fort Worth is where people wear cowboy boots. You’ll find some of either in each, but you get the idea. Then there’s El Paso which is Hispanic for Keep Driving. And Pasadena, outside Houston, is full of chemical plants that regularly blow up. Pasadena is Hispanic for Don’t Light a Match.

Texas mythbusters:
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy is not the state anthem. You can‘t get Longneck (a bottle of beer) in a can. Hardscrabble is dirt, not a board game. Tumbleweeds DO tumble. You often DO hear the coyote’s wail, on the trail. Willie Nelson doesn’t smoke Newports. You cannot wear spurs in a water bed. Armadillos are not battery powered. “Ahm a’fixin’ to fix the fax” is a possible sentence in these here parts.

You can get to these here parts if you drive thataway.

Terri worked at Wells Fargo for a while but prefers more interaction with realtors so has joined LAND MORTGAGE which isn’t just about land. They are affiliated with the largest realty company here. She’s the David Copperfield of Loans. That means she works magic. I just hope she doesn’t saw me in half.

There’s a bumper sticker and unofficial slogan KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD. Just doin’ my part.

Today it’s November 23rd as I write this part. 82 degrees and low humidity at 12:50PM. Some trees are showing some color. This is worth a good gloat as we put on shorts and honor our northern friends. Ice-melt dues paid in full, thank you.

Time flies. But it sits in a cramped seat with a late departure and no peanuts. And it can’t use the restroom while the “fasten Seat Belt” light is lit. But still, it flies on frequent-flier miles. New homes are popping up as if the picture is speeded up. Our community is becoming just that. We love it here.

The only downside is that so many friends are scattered all over North America. If only we could see you more often, it’d be so much better. Well, there’s always the internet, phone, etc.

We wish you a very happy holiday season and great New Year.


Bob and Terri Wood

www.woodsgoods.blogspot.com (Bob comments on anything)
www.woodsgoods2.blogspot.com (Bob’s Home Theater blog)
www.spanish-oaks.blogspot.com (Bob’s neighborhood blog)
www.GreatHomeTheater.com (Bob’s website)


www.internet-marketing-advisors.com Soon to be Bob's new website consultation business. If you click on it before January 1 and it's up, it is a work in progress with elements missing.