Tuesday, December 13, 2005

WARNING TO MEN!

Last night while watching TiVo TV, I heard just a piece of an advertisement as I hit high speed skip. It shouted "DIAMOND BRACELET for THIRTY NINE NINETY FIVE." I said, "Huh?" "They mean $3995.00? They HAVE to mean $3995! It couldn't be $39.95! Could it?" I hit the backup button. Yup. $39.95

Here's a news flash - an urban legend - It ISN'T (ALWAYS) "the thought that counts."

Give her a $39.95 diamond bracelet and prepare to eat out of a can for a while. Maybe in the snow or rain. Sleep with the dog. Write a country song: "I screwed myself for $39.95."

I fear for any man - no matter how disadvantaged or down on his luck who comes home with a $39.95 Diamond Bracelet.

Maybe it's a BAIT and SWITCH thing. You go in and say, "I'd like the $39.95 Diamond Bracelet, please." The clerk stares at you with eyes that say "Here's a guy who won't have sex except alone for a long long time." And they bring the piece out under the 4 megawatt special jeweler lighting that makes coal sparkle. You squint. There appears to be a glint. It's the $39.95 glint. The goodbye kiss in semi-preciousness.

A sidebar: diamonds aren't even precious stones. They are a strictly controlled market that drives prices up along with great marketing. Look it up. They don't want you to know it, but it's true.

So you see the glint. "Uh, what's the next size up?" "Oh, HERE'S a nice one... NINETEENNINETYFIVE." Now you get a glimmer and a sparkle. Then it dawns on you: "ONE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED NINETY FIVE dollars." "Uh, A little more than I was hoping to spend."

Run away.

Buy something so foo-foo (spelled frou-frou, but I don't think that's common) that you'd be embarrassed to buy it. You stand a much better chance bringing THAT under the Christmas tree.

Men, we must stand united. There are rules to the universe we don't all learn. Let others guide you through the maze. Merry Christmas.

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