Punxutawney, Pa., February 2, 2007
Tragedy struck Gobbler's Knob this morning after Groundhog Phil mounted the leg of the Mayor and began humping him. Fearing rabies, the mayor tried to free himself but the claws were sunk deep into his calf. Other council members attempted to pry Phil off the leg but were bitten on the hands and fingers. Onlookers, some who had been drinking to stay warm, became loud and unruly, and several grabbed snow shovels and began to beat Phil. Once he let go of the mayor, the frenzy continued.
Later, in the recovery room of Punxutawney General Hospital and Grille, the mayor said that, "...fate had dealt the cards, and that Punxutawney would play them. From this day forward, we will base our winter/spring prediction on my pretty niece, 18 year old Bambi, who will camp out in my RV on the Knob for 30 days before emerging to see or not see her shadow."
"This fits with our new initiative to drive tourism beyond one day a year. Our new slogan is Punxy is Sexy and after the public sees Bambi, I'm certain they'll get the message."
"It used to be, if Phil saw his shadow, it meant 6 more weeks of winter, and if Phil didn't see his shadow, it meant spring is around the corner. But seriously, who wants to be around a nasty, smelly, and might I add, oversexed rodent? I'd much rather spend the pre-prediction hours with Bambi in her RV, the Knobmobile, helping her choose the appropriate wardrobe for the occasion."