Friday, May 23, 2008


I want to stand in a home in the $2+ million range and breathe the air. Let opulence be my hyperbaric chamber! We're goin' to the Parade Of Homes. Irony: the development we live in isn't far off that range, though we pull it down as best we can.

The Parade is a fanchised mock-event-with-charity-attached-so-you-don't-feel-so-enviously-bad where developers build fancy homes and they then charge you to get in and see how the swells live. Or make that: how the interior decorators think the swells will want to live. It might depend if they are OLD money or NEW Money as in Scratch-Off winners.

One of the 6 homes has TWO elevators! Another has a library with safe room concealed by a reversable cabinet and hidden pullout bed... for safe sleeping? or sex while the kids are home?

Some features on display:
Master bath with hidden laptop display: Hide the laptop. You think you are slimmer that way. Raise the mirror. I find that works.

The large home is 10,000 sq feet. Comes with an air conditioning bill to give you a cool nosebleed. It includes a resort style pool - that's the one with screaming kids, one of whom has a dirty diaper, and oblivious parents flopped in lounge chairs poolside, isn't it? It also has a 16 foot glass door. This is another way to say, "Welcome, you low to the ground insignificant pissant of a shadow of a human!"

Another claims 2 disappearing glass walls. BONK! Damn! Hit the disappearing glass wall again. Hey, how about a disappearing Hilary Clinton Glass Ceiling? What? Not structurally sound? Oh, too bad. Next time then.

I love the terms of architectural endearment: "Rustic beauty and Old World Luxury" a.k.a. "the $2,000,000+ outhouse is right there, beside the buckboard." Not too much distance from rustic to rust, is there?

Koi pond. Koi, it's what's for supper.

I'll let you know what we see.

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