Something smells bad!

Infinity (broadcasting company), as you would expect, plans to appeal a jury's decision which awarded $10.6 million to a former employee, who claims she was fired from a Detroit radio station because she complained about being exposed to another employee's perfume, which sickened her and caused her to miss work. Infinity had required the other DJ to stop wearing the perfume to work, but the employee said the other woman intentionally exposed her to it at a country music festival. She then complained that the company was not protecting her from attacks by the other DJ.

I believe I can now sue the fat lady who sat in front or beside me in church when I was a child. This malicious woman in the florals and large hat, emitted noxious perfumes in those peak hot summer months, causing me emotional and spiritual distress from which I obviously have never recovered. I do not go to church today. My faith lost, I wander the earth, a lost soul. How much is THAT worth? I understand the devil will pay for that soul, so what would a court of law award me? Shouldn't the threat of hell be worth millions? In fact, why not another class action suit against the church? They knew she was there - they couldn't miss her hat. And she was clever - she changed clothes every Sunday and also changed positions - sat beside or behind me sometimes. She altered her voice when singing hymns. SHE FANNED HERSELF TO SPREAD THE PERFUME with a hanky, a prayer card, or even the bible. The church would TURN OFF THE ELECTRIC FANS when the sermon was underway, allowing her even more time to do her smelly work. She fanned harder when the priest spoke. I'm sure of it.

Not only have I lost my faith, but I have allergies, no doubt contracted during those long hours in that wooden pew. Allergies should add to the punitive damages. And don't get me started on incense. I was incensed for at least 18 years. Who should pay for that? Every big holy day, out came the incense. They'd wave it around the church like they were trying to INFECT everyone. I could hardly breathe. Today I cannot walk into a candle shop. Potpourri makes me grab my chest. That should be worth something.

And when I worked at my last job, it was ALWAYS somethin'. I should sue. Mornings, afternoons - it made no difference. Always somethin'. Somethin' happened all the time! I'm sure it was deliberate!