Friday, June 17, 2005

The best advice I ever had.

Warning - this one is serious.

And to tell the truth, I'm writing this as much for myself as any reader.

In the past year, an associate - I was his manager - lost his wife in a tragic car wreck. She was his 'keeper' - he a boy-man in some ways. She was also his soul mate, best friend, etc. Not to diminish the relationship by writing 'etc.' - just to indicate that she was so much more to him than most can imagine or I even know. Although he worked for me, we didn't become truly close till after the tragedy. His incredible pain was overwhelming. I still feel it.

I asked my manager what I could do, and he very wisely said, just go be with him. 'You don't have to find the right words, just be there.' I did, and it was perhaps the best advice I've ever received, because I know it meant a lot, and I wanted it to do so.

I am emotional, for better or worse, and am tearing up just writing this.

That was last year.

We have since moved to Austin.

We saw the work of an artisan a few months back, and subsequently hired him to build two tables for our new house. He seems like a nice man, and his skill is amazing. Over time, though, we wondered where our tables were or when we could expect them and left messages repeatedly on his answering machine, then e mail once someone gave us that address. No response.

Yesterday he came to our door, unexpectedly. This is what I would call a manly man - not John Wayne, not a character, but I sense a true solid standup guy - good stock - strong handshake. He appeared upset. He was starting to tear up, his lip quivering. I asked if he had just had a car accident. He said no, and started crying. He said his wife was killed in a car wreck about 5 weeks ago and his life had fallen apart.

I flashed back to last year.

I heard the same - EXACT same words from him that I heard last year from my friend... '... people say they know how you must feel, but they can't. The emptiness is beyond description...'

What's the point of this?

Just to say that the best advice I've had was to go BE with my friend back then. I don't even know where the table maker lives, can't say I'm a friend, yet.

But maybe if I pass along the best advice I ever had, someone will see and take it if - and I sure hope it doesn't - the opportunity comes into your life.

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