Zombies with popcorn!

Zombies behind the counter shuffled in slow-mo. Where did this theater chain find so many slackers?

We went to see Mr and Mrs Smith. Loved it. Don't know who commands the screen better - and there were a TON of closeups - Jolie or Pitt. Not sure who's prettier, either.

But gee, going to the movie is becoming/has become an ordeal.

We saw big signs that said "you don't have to wait in line - use the Kiosk to buy tickets inside." Since there was a line (of non believer/non reader/people with bad credit/ or folks who think Kiosk makes film in yellow boxes) we went inside to escape the 98 degree heat, and the ticket zombie.

The machine spit out two child tickets. I probably screwed up. Terri gave me 'the look' so I have to assume I'm truly helpless. We had to then go back outside to wait in line to try to fix things. Zombie didn't know how, said it wouldn't matter. I pointed out we aren't kids. Well, my wife is, but I'm not. She said it wouldn't matter.

It didn't. Ticket taker Zombie was locked into a chant of "first theater on your right" "third of your left."

Meanwhile Popcorn Zombies were challenged. That's the only way to say it. This place had no teen spirit. Good thing the computer calculates change. Goober with the popcorn funnel was having a hard time filling those bags.

The theater was clean and filled quickly while we all ignored the New Music Network or whatever it's called. We watched trivia slides... talk about low tech. One said - "Right after the show, stop by for great rates on car insurance!" I'll bet it's NEVER happened.

Then the countdown to the show - ADVERTISEMENTS - at full volume. Up all the way. BAD BAD commercials. I'd love to see the pitch meeting - I imagine hip young dudes wowing the hopelessly out of touch bald 50 year olders with their creative. "They're in touch!" says the CEO to his director of marketing.

They suck, say I.

If they even relate to the product - and that's a stretch - they don't make you want it.

They now run TV show ads. The little screen looks bad on the big screen. Desperate medium meets captive audience with native indifference.

Then another 10 minutes of previews. Lord God make it stop. So many crashes, so little time.

Why does everyting have to have so much bass? Is it because the youth - big movie target audience - are all deaf now? Maybe it's supposed to be the experience you can't get at home.

Well, at home I can get all the bass I don't want, thanks. I can skip commercials (though they ARE starting to lock them into DVD intros now.) I can go to the bathroom without getting lost. Without that smell. And I'm not afraid to touch the door handle.

The only Zombie is me after that Merlot.